All Comments on 'Castaway Ch. 01'

I'll wait till a later chapter... Has potential.

Most writers would be way too embarrassed or intuitive to publish something this lame and contrived. It was less than poorly written. Actually it was technically pretty well written. It is just so stupid! OK, so the cheating partner isn't black (Is he?), and she hasn't been fucking him for a year or more while her husband travels for the company (Has she?), and, . . . Oh My God, the daughter is not his bio-child, is she? The wife agreed to the marriage after she learned one of her other fuck toys knocked her up! When are you going to drop that bomb on us? How about when the daughter tries to give blood or an organ or something and it is revealed that her and her "father" are not biologically related. Hey, if that's not what you planned and you haven't written chapter 2 yet your welcomed to that idea. You need all the help you can get.

it really held my interest, but the sudden jump from ever loving faithful wife to vengeful harridan was like a blow, i hope you are able to delect us with how cyrus crept in their garden of eden i.e how did he break down her defences on that day.

sure many may see this as a RACC tale, but i firmly believe that from the tone of the husband "i will never forgive you" clearly shows me that even though he may not Burn the bitch, he will never forgive her for destroying his idea of her as a loving & caring woman, to him she will always be the harridan who killed his wife.

thats my take, you just write to your hearts content & take the story in any direction you deem fit.

Just make a simple promise, that when you begin a series please try your best to have it completed or delegate it, life can be a real bitch at times, so writing something for some anonymous jerk thousands of miles away may not always seem so appealing, i know sometimes these comments can be more painful than having ears cleaned with 6inch cast iron nails, inspite many writers write, & good writers persevere. all i want to say is thanks for the story, & have a gr8 Day.

Jeremy brown

So... the former FEMA honcho and Cyrus were bilking the Feds and setting up Our Hero Hubby to be the fall guy! Still don't know how Cyrus gets by with attempted murder unless he gets lost with his 'ill-gotten gains!' Since Hubby has to survive, he will be spending a buncha time in the Big House for cheating the Gov ... unless the Perps royally screwed-up the set-up! Clear, however, that the Castaway is NOT gonna be on a barren little island.

Rating holding fire!

Will keep reading

Can't wait for the next chapter!

He commjts an actual crime and leaves evidence of premeditation in the form of fake photos and finger print murder weapon? Thats not just holes in plot but plain old stupid.

Don't waste your time with another chapter

I wish LW would not allow anon comments. If everyone had to be registered, at least a writer could review the commenters submissions, if any, and decide what credibility to assign.

How many clichés can you put into chapter 1? Let's see, dumb wife who believes husband is cheating without even talking to him. Husbands best friend is the villain. Dirty business going on with the business partner. Husband is forced to watch. Husband works to much. Husband loses touch with his daughter doesn't even know she is into girls. Also I like how his finger prints are on the gun plus his DNA is n the wife. Just how dumb is this Dipshit. Whats next? Let me guess, he ends up in a coma and to make ends meat the wife and daughter become escorts. He wakes up, buys a muscle car and everyone lives happily ever after.

I'm looking forward to it.

that when I want some new married pussy, I simply take my phone, get a picture of a husband and slap his face on some guy in a porno photo. The wife not only believes it, but she always lets me screw her brains out when I show her the photo. Actually, they have to have already had their brains screwed out to fall for "the old photoshop the husband into a sex picture" gambit. I do have to move every year, but by then, I've had every married woman within ten miles and ended dozens of marriages. The good news is that usually the husband writes his story on Literotica and readers tell him how good it is and how clever he is.

The husband flies a plane and is probably going to be depressed after discovering his wife has an IQ a bit lower than a goose. I just hope he doesn't fly someplace, only to be marooned on an island with some young piece of fluff! That would be a terrible way to celebrate an anniversary!

The writing is not bad, the set up was decent, the realization was poor. Cyrus walks in, shows her some pictures, she decides she should immediately fuck Cyrus? Wha? Even for a stupid woman there are a lot of more likely paths to revenge. 1. Go find her husband and yell at him in public. 2. Attack him when he comes home, verbally or physically. She can always fuck around on him later. Why rush it? So, the plot went limp here. Good luck in chapter 2.

You got excited in the latter third and changed the narrative. Reads okay. Appreciate the effort but why do we have to wait WEEKS? We'll have forgotten about your story by then! Continuity matters.

I gave it a 3.

The psychosis Cyrus and the stupid bitch of a wife show at the end seem to detract immensely from a 5 star effort at the beginning.

Of course, I am hooked to keep reading but I don't give a shit for the idiot bitch of a wife now.

Her character has been established and she is worthless to me in any fashion.

The first three pages were as boring as hell, then you blew the story out of the sky with this totally weird character change for everyone involved. The characters from the first three pages were not to characters on the last page. Just such a contrived and implausibly fourth page, such a dull and boring first three pages. I won't be reading part two.

I agree with the previous commentator. The sudden switch from loving wife and friend to slut and psycho was just too much for me to swallow.

I don't usually like stories like this; that said, you have my full attention and I'm looking forward to what comes next. You've done a good job of baiting the hook. xoxoxo Annette

"Boy, that escalated quickly."

Pick a tense and stick with it, will you. Preferably past tense. Absolutely no build up. Once second he's his best friend and business partner and the next minute he's hates both of them so much he's going to kill them?

Why would he think the wife would get blamed. Obviously it must have been his gun and it sounds like it has his finger prints on it. So far this has more holes than a slice of swiss cheese. 3 stars and that's stretching it at this point.

I like the twist, You did mention Cyrus was a prick so anything was possible

even donald trump would hare it

As someone who is so critical of every little fault , re-read your comment.

I always thought you were Looney , but reciting Bugs Bunny episodes ???

MAHHH, What a Marooon !

Ended okay, the start was too long..........3

Great twist to start of story can't wait for next chapters

I am enjoying it more than most other offerings on this site because I like this general theme and the writing is perfectly acceptable. Your style is, however, a bit melodramatic so forgive me the odd chuckle. And like HDK says we have heard this one before so I hope you've thought of something different for the later chapters.

has been covered in a great number of stories. Can it bring any new angle? I doubt it. We have to wait and see.

I wonder just how important all the details were of the previous 2.5 pages..

The story is extremely slow paced. You did mention you like to go into depth with your characters and develop them nicely, but the story seemed to have more fluff than any actually imp details...

Maybe I'm wrong and those things will become relevant later on.

Either way I seriously hope you don't go with the racc route.

This relationship is dead, best to bury it and move on.

Btb isn't necessary, coz the wife seems too stupid and will fuck up her existence even more in the future.

Get a divorce asap and move on with as many of the assets as possible.

Pls do not write about how they get close again after she takes care of him during and after his hospital stay.

That shit has been done to death, this guy can obviously afford his own nurse/private care etc...

And I sincerely hope you destroy Cyrus.

Don't let it be like your last story were the husband does almost nothing to Jim( or whatever that asshole ex-friends name was)...

It still is very similar to your last story. Betrayal by best friend and wife.

There the reason was her emotional vulnerabilities, here it is because she was tricked.

And again pls do not go for the recon route.

And might I suggest posting your stories in one longer chapter instead of multiple smaller ones. The break in the flow of the story is never a good thing{at least I don't like it}.

Like an old fashion serial, good start, don't delay next episode, and no long drawn segments!! Good so far!!

Here's an idea. Write you own story.

As always, I thank everyone (even anony) for their comments. I submitted chapter two a day after this part, so it should be up tomorrow, I hope. LW is a tough category, and I decided before submitting that the voting would not sway my story, so here it is. Yes I realize that some of my plot devices seem cliche, but I will tell you that the story on the whole, is not a carbon copy of everyone else's cheating wife tale. I encourage the comments, and read every one. Thanks again!!

RNebular

Hopefully we can get the POV for events from Cyrus, how he was able to trick and convince this happily married woman to fuck him. Everything seemed so sudden... Surely he had been seducing and breaking her down well before this instance.

good read

I hope that you get me back in subsequent chapters. I thought that you were headed where the marriage vows suggested, his more of a commitment to her, her's more of a declaration of her love for him and less of a commitment to the marriage and faithfulness. Too much graphic sex between husband and wife for just four pages. I know, this is an erotic site, but two lengthy descriptions of their lovemaking in so few pages is too much.

Way too many unnecessary words that held little meaning and didn't move the story forward. Then, out of the blue, his wife is a dumb, cheating slut? Where did that come from? And why did it end so suddenly? As it stands, this is a 2, at best. Maybe the next chapter will improve.

The extensive detail of the sex detracts from the story line.

story was pretty good until the meeting with the guy from fema. but from there on end it got really confusing as to what was going on here. hope the next chapter clears up what is really going on here.

this is one the best starts to a story i have read in awhile, great job building up the characters so we can understand and put ourselves in their place, good clear writing, keep it up!!!

The story was a compilation of inanities until critical mass was reached. Then, in a move totally at odds with every boring detail we learned about the perfect couple. their second personalities leap to the fore and the nuke explodes. I've never seen a worse set up to a cheating scenario.

so I will add my 5 cents worth. It is going to be interesting to see how the author carries on. Cyrus remarks " Good luck in prison! ". Catlin has Cyrus's dna running down her legs, his finger prints on the gun, not hers and gun powder residue on his hands not hers, so how is she going to prison? Cyrus has a bruise on his face and James on his knuckles so Cyrus is proven to be at the scene, has motive and the means. What will happen if James lives? I await in wonder. TK

That was the worst story I've read in ages. Truly moronic. Please destroy your computer before typing another word.

that was a "what the fuck" moment for me. The story did contain a lot of the usual cliches but that doesn't make it bad, just normal fare. What happened to the "perfect couple and why not communicate like they always did. I guess we'll find out. The last sentence should be endorsed by other authors. I quote" Whether positive or negative, I will not delete any comments unless they are just direct attacks at me or any other commenter". That should quite down the category somewhat. (signed ML)

NO ONE BEHAVES THIS WAY. This is just lazy writing, and an insult to your readers. Cyrus just decided he wanted to spend the rest of his life in prison? Really? to bring someone "down to his level" What utter garbage. And the wife, shes 100% normal, and then you decide to make her mentally insane? A complete fucking pathetic stupid loser! Well, rnebular all this story does is tell us all that YOU ARE THE FUCKING PATHETIC STUPID LOSER. Here is some extremely simple feedback, write your story... THEN READ IT! and if you have never met anyone in your entire life that has done something like the people in your story... DELETE IT, DO NOT POST IT.

I have to agree that no one turns this quickly. The rest of this story will simply be BS trying to sell your decision for sudden mental illness. Not interested.

You say this plot is overused and cliche... Please share which stories are the same? I love this type of plot and out of all LW stories there's a severe lacking of them, especially ones that give enough backstory and character development.

Just as Punch and Judy in the original, in the children's version or a modern sit comedy is always fun, though old hat......

Predictable. The minute the husband said his partner is an asshole,that telegraphed the rest of this chapter.

So the dialogue was natural and smooth. We got some development but everyone is stock. The bad guy, the short-tempered wife who jumps to conclusions. And after 20 years of marriage. There is nothing original except the flying. Was hoping for more of that !

Gave the chapter 3*s. It's okay for now.

Let's see what happens next.

AMerryman

Depends on how the next chapter goes. But regardless, thanks for trying to add something interesting to the universe. A least it wasn't another cuck story.

A little predictable but it took nothing away from the tale. I didn't believe it was a set-up but that asshole partner of his planned it all along. So why did the supposed "loving, faithful wife fall for it? I guess we'll see. Keep up the good work.

Five Stars

What wife just fucks her husbands partner after seeing some phony pictures, no even confronting him. Never in all there year together did he even stray. This Cyrus story makes no sence. Shooting the partner in his own home and leaving the scene of the crime. So what was this all about. He is toast in the eyes of the law. It just doesn't add up

You took way too long to get to any core of the story. And the ending was too ambiguous. Does he die? Does he recover and the story continues? Does he go to some alternate universe/world where he is magically younger and more fit?

even if it is your partner and wife, bad idea, TK U MLJ LV NV

You need an editor like yesterday. This is far too much exposition for the simple reveal that his retard wife was talk into cheating with his crooked partner.

Decided to dive in even though this one isn't finished. A good start, with lots of questions.

Nice start. Going to read other chapters.

He gets cucked in the end. By a different woman. Contrived and unbelievable ending.

As usual I'm writing these as I go, so some comments may be over-taken by future events!

Minor nit-pick: "We had a big church wedding, with both our parents attending." - "both" usually means two, IMHO it should be either "both sets of parents" or "all of our parents".

Two things bother me - Why do wives fuck the "friend" who tells/"proves" her husband has been cheating? Doesn't it EVER occur to them that they might have an ulterior motive, i.e. fucking her, for their story? And it's been a long time since I read the other comments, but as I think someone else said, she won't have any gun-shot residue on her, and if she gets the cops on Cyrus quick enough, HE will!

Withholding score till the end - or when I'm done, whichever comes first!

Get over casting the male character as falsely modest, saying, "I don't know what she saw in me." Pure tripe. The same author invariably will have the woman be spectacularly beautiful. More tripe. Even trying to set the stage of beauty and the beast is too unbelievable for we ordinary folk. We don't need that fantasy to enjoy a story.

What utterly boring, drawn out cliched garbage. You THINK you are building characters, what you're doing is making it boring as hell.

on a one star piece of crap

You really hate husbands for writing such a worthless piece of shit story. No point in reading further as all you will do is hate more on this husband.

Anons: I don't think this site is for giving merit badges to husbands and preventing their dear wives from straying. Go find some other site if reading makes your heads hurt. The story is written well, though I would say the ending of this chapter was rather abrupt with no foreshadowing. If she really thought he'd been cheating for a long time, why act so loving to him? If his partner only just provided his evidence, boy is he a fast worker and she collapses like a house of cards. Kind of a stretch, but I'll carry on and see how this mess works out. I hope there isn't too much whining, "I'm so sorry" and all that.

I hate these stories that start one way and then do a 360 into absolute STUPIDITY!

its a fucking story! quite good so far too.

if you want nicey nicey try mills and boon. you want to live in a world where only women get fucked over or cheated on? mysoginist pricks.

getting upset over a cheating wife tale? you must have been cucked pretty bad to be affected this way? rant away cucky boys!

I hated the cheating part but loved the rest

Thinking of bailing on this story. Another couple of pages will be probably be the max I can take. What is the point of these unrelenting waves of detail? Two pages in and it has become quite tedious. It isn't necessary and it bogs the important things down. Also, the tone of the conversation is something between Hal 9000 and Siri.

One observation not heard enough here on Lit is when the text starts to come off like an ad campaign with all of the brand naming. Recursive pop-cultural references detract from the authenticity of any writing. That could be me, though, but it did become noticeable. The question to ask in in this regard is, does any writer want their writing efforts to become unintelligible a couple of generations down the road?

On the positive side, there is some descriptive ability that the author possesses which is a helpful asset. Maybe there could be a soliloquoy here or there to burn off some of this mania for detail - an occasional evocation of Nature, etc.

One naturally roots for authors with talent. But the support will wane if the rigid dialogue and the aforementioned fetish for detail continues.

Its amazing that people like cabbage01132 have to defend that crap!! Be aware that readers at that site are mature enough to get an own opinion!! Comment the story and not the comment of others!!! And dont forget crap remains crap even if you put on perfume!!!

The sudden psychotic break with an established storyline is one of the cheap techniques that these degenerate scriptwriters in Kosherwood enjoy using nowadays. It is manipulative and more than a little blackhearted. It proves that it is the psychological attack which has become the currency. This is called "pushing the envelope", and the producers are constantly jerking themselves off just thinking about it.

Given the generally acceptable talent level, one can still justify continuing, but this writer is now on probation.

dumb shit.

Dumbest fucking story I've read today

So his partner sets himself up for murder/attempted murder and rape charges just to fuck the wife once. Oh well.

No that wasn't sudden at all.

Hate you wasted so much time on so little story.

Just a bog pile of crap. Hubbys Partner dicks his wife with a Gun ready. Boy what Waste of Time Even for just flying over The Text

Guy, this confrontation was amazing, very unexpected

The story is a mess and full of plot holes.

Not sure about this one yet. Looks like another wife jumps to conclusions and gets unneeded revenge fuck with husband's best friend. This one ended in gunplay.

Need to see how this plays out, for such a loving couple the wife was easily seduced. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Reactions are so goddamned slow and the verbosity while describing a tense situation, is painful!! Good plot but too many words to describe a simple situation. Frustrating. 3*s.

Predictable. Too long story arch for my taste.

Make the husband a complete wimp and make him take his cheating wife back. After all it wasn't her fault, was it?

James is incredibly stupid! He hears snatches of the conversation between the three people and Cyrus, and finds the meeting bullshit. Also, what was the purpose of having the two women present?! Yet he accepts an invitation for a drink. Cyrus is not there. Shouldn't he now be suspicious? A really, really irritating and uncomfortable beginning! Your hero seems to go through life with his eyes shut! Well written but the MC is unbelievable.3*s.

Caitlin was not just a stupid bitch but was entitled too! All the months she was fucking the asshole Cyrus, she wasn't getting her own back on her supposedly unfaithful husband??! What was the need for the dramatic fuck to show James? She was getting hers when James was gone and even when he was there, so how was she GETTING EVEN?? She is just a disgusting, ignorant hypocrite.

dumb

Sry ... but really bad plot ... the ending ... OMG ... What a crap!!!

Amazing story. An actual plot, and character development. Well done! I'm emotionally invested.

Work!

BUT they both have time off and Cyrus complained about being bored?

Shit so far reading comments before reading any more

How boring

The story is well written and enjoyable to read.

The ending? I don't know another way to put it. It sucked.

Caitlin is a perfect wife for 20+ years. I'm less than an hour she lets someone who she knows to be a perpetual horn dog and asshole convince her that her husband is cheating and then fucks the guy in front of her husband without ever talking to him?

The story was interesting and going along well. Then one of the laziest and most cliche endings ever just destroyed it.

I know it's necessary for off the stories here but I'll never understand the concept that a moral person will simply decide to have sex with someone for revenge without a discussion. Get upset, fight, divorce, move on because they don't believe it... Maybe so. But fuck someone... Anyone... But especially a friend who showed them the info and likely suggested it... Should raise red flags on top of it just being out of their character. Decent writing but that end just doesn't fit well. If she was already jealous and mistrusting, had an affinity for flirting with others.... Maybe a history of requesting payback and a freer attitude about sex with others during the leak up...ok... Maybe.

The plot is not believable because a woman as smart as the wife is portrayed here would not have fallen for fake affair pictures especially from a low class guy like Cyrus. If there was years of marriage issues maybe but this story is weak.

Nice opening . Retribution is in the future??

I think you left out the part about the wife having a lobotomy at the end.

I know it’s a story but it’s just to far fetched for me

If you want to read a confusing, inconsistent, badly paced, story with pages of irrelevant subject matter then by all means. I can promise you that nearly everything after the first two chapters is in conflict with the characters and plot initially developed. The characters are frequently presented in ways that do not remotely match earlier events. The wife in particular may be the most badly written character on here. Nothing about how she is presented makes any sense.

your Caitlin was really dumb and Cyrus was too evil. Still fun drama.

Story has a good build up and a little bit of a twist I approve 5⭐

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