All Comments on 'Castaway Ch. 02'

Don't tell me we are going through more chapters of this. The first one was barely tolerable, This one went way downhill. Do some research. .22 gauge? Really? Rifles and pistols are measured in calibers. Shotguns are measured in gauges. That's just one of the huge gaffes in this story. Oh, yeah, write the whole freaking story before you start posting.

So is everyone else. Just impossible to read.

This story sucks. There is so much ranting here, no substance at all. Look, someone has been shot and he has the gall to ask his lawyer if he should've reported this to the police. He's a fool, were his brain on his feet? I personally hate it when authors write stupid characters, like they have an IQ of 70. Another thing, the wife was shown with photographs of her husband fucking and then it was revealed that it was her and her husband. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? From very loving wife to a stupid slut in a minute. Can't she just ask her husband to come home and settle the confusion rather than have herself get fucked? My dear author, I beg you. Do not make this story any longer, as you have warned us that this is kind of a longer series. That time you spend creating scenes and chaotic development, just take a pause and reflect on how to make this story more delectable rather than drag it to make it longer. There's no character development and your plot has been sold a thousand times in this category. Try making something unique, or rather try making your story enjoyable because in all honesty, it sucks!

There are a ton of holes, starting with the shooting. What happened to the gun? In the first chapter he dropped it saying the wife would get blamed for shooting her husband? Why would she get blamed? The gun would obviously have his prints on it and she would have no GSR on her hands. Also there's the DNA he left in her. And the pictures. Then way wouldn't she have called 911 immediately? Cops, ambulance all should have been there within minutes. Instead she calls a co-worker? And then the co-worker doesn't have the brains to call the cops? It's so ridiculous it is completely unbelievable. It takes a lot of work to write a story so I gave you 3 stars for the effort but I'm being kind.

I know that in the preface the author stated that the story was fiction, therefore we should overlook some things, but when the items are so glaring it jars the reader out of the story. Adding to this, it was not just one or two issues, but many.

A steel medallion will not stop a .22 lr or magnum bullet at that distance unless it is inordinately thick. As someone mentioned, rifles and pistols are measured in calibers. A wife that doesn't stop to notice she is the woman that her husband is screwing is either braindead or complicit in the cheating that happened. The police absolutely would investigate the shooting, he would have gunpowder residue on him for days, as would the shooter. His partner might have been under surveillance from the ATF but the DEA would have made the bust due to the drugs. He wouldn't be allowed to sell his part of anything until the case was completed. All of the business possessions would be considered evidence or might even be forfeit due to drug laws. Finally, the DEA would have most likely required him to not travel until they could interview him to see if he was party to the crimes.

These glaring problems make it hard to follow the narrative and are very deus ex machina. 2 stars.

huge, HUGE plot holes!

Then there's the fact that Cyrus wanted James out of the way. If he wanted to off someone, would he really do it in front of an eyewitness, especially one who would immediately turn hostile after the truth about James fidelity inevitably came forth.

Then after shooting him and thinking him dead, wouldn't he find it weird when he heard no news about the incident after a day or two. He was so desperate to get rid of James that he didn't bother to check back and gave time for James to get his drink on, what with belly buttons and tequila shots.

You're asking for huge suspensions of logic here.

Good chapter. Again, a little predictable, especially about the partner being involved with all the drugs and guns. I think it's time to hear the cheating wife's point of view. Please continue...

There are glaring omissions that detract from enjoying this story. You can't simply say, "hey, it's fiction!" because that's just lazy writing.

Well I for one am enjoying it. I can see what the others are saying, but I'm looking forward to how it develops.

So many words and little said, second installment not as good as the first, and you say a few weeks before next part is ready? By then no one will remember the glow or theme of the story!!

This is your story with your pacing and clue-dropping. Tell it how you want. This is one time in life where being greedy is not only OK, but actually is required!

I like the story so far, as anyone who has had a "perfect life" tossed suddenly asunder by circumstances, being shell-shocked, and feeling suddenly lost/aimless would be fairly normal, and that is the story you just told us. I am interested to see what direction your character takes next, and what opportunities fall in his lap over his trip and return.

5* from me so far.

Her husband got shot in front of her and she calls neither the police nor an ambulance? Who cares if she saw what the medal did? He could have a broken sternum or a bruised heart. She is not only an idiot and a cheat, but she clearly does not love him no matter how much she protests. Agree with other plot problems as well. Mediocre story.

despite holes and wordiness. ***

Its a story like you get in any book you read - You either like it or you dont - I like it

Thank you rnebular

I can see a long story...Not a bad one, it has some issues though, like he was shot and nor his wife nor his friend took him to hospital...No matter if the bullet didn't go through...Nor called the police...Maybe this was another city without police and hospitals...Let's see what the story will bring us in the future...3* for now...

I agree it is well worn plot but this does have a few unique twists. I also agree with all the other comments about the lack of logic about a previously loyal wife taking a running jump at a revenge fuck and also what she did after he was shot. There is one other thing - I cannot believe that a wife, no matter how pissed off, would not look at the woman in the photos to see who he prefers.

Despite all the plot holes - it is not badly written and I am interested to see how the plot develops.

While I understand it does take time to write a chapter - too big a gap means I have got lost in other stories by the time a new chapter comes out and I have forgotten many of the details in the earlier chapters. I would recommend that future chapters have a brief summary that is a memory jogger.

4*

So far the plot hinges on Caitlin somehow, for one moment - as it were, not trusting James. Indeed, just as James rants, how could this be possible in an otherwise flawless marriage?

What's worse (although, my guess, unintended) James is acting in the same knee-jerk fashion, already getting divorce proceedings in motion. He should have a good hard look at himself and the way he reacts. That might give him a clue to the inexplicable behavior of his wife.

What ti comes down to is that the motor of the plot involves two people who seemingly act first and think second, i.e., immaturity at best, stupidity at worst. Perhaps a more compelling motivational drive for the story will surface later. You say this is supposed to be a character study as much as anything else. We'll see ..

As for the length, it seemed to flow easily enough when I overlooked the above points. The detail in and of itself was engaging.

But who cares? Great little story and so much more enjoyable than tales with no storyline.

Divorcing her because she FUCKED another man is a knee-jerk reaction? That is your major problem with this improbable tale? Are you a fucking moron?

Really the author is out to give us something enjoyable. The idea that the plot is well worn is absurd. The Greeks tried them all out 2500 years ago, and I have seen many attempts to pass off the transfer to another language as original. Either you take pleasure in the setting and the choice of dialog, or quit reading it...

Well, what can I say? Lots of questions.

Who is Tony McGillian ? The business lawyer ? The office manager ? A friend? I missed it. Why didn't he get shot by the bad guy ? Why didn't Holmes call the cops he had evidence of attempted murder? Or at least his personal or business lawyer. The plot gave me the impression that the drugs were for export. That doesn't make sense. Am I missing something? On and on.....Lack of character development, evil criminal partner, wife, etc.

The very good point for me is that I want to find out what happens. You really haven't given us enough about his wife for me to care about the divorce, daughter etc. Most of the story is about his feelings and his confused mental state. The other part was about his flying aircraft as a business. I really would have enjoyed that, as it sounds very interesting. Even though, as a business it is probably pretty mundane, lol. The irony is my lack of familiarity with private flying makes it sound exciting.

So I gave you 3*s.

Won't comment again, until the end. Thank you for the effort.✈

Strange that I only have 1 aircraft emoticon but lots of cars, trains , boats. Ha!

AMerryman

The "knee jerk" comment was stupid as it the attempt to shift the blame to the husband (javmor79 is that you?) to see what he did to cause the woman to go on fucking they guy after the husband had be shot. The old "i thought he missed" excuse is so flimsy. Even worse are the calls for "maturity" on the part of the husband.

Yes, they obvious have problems and the marriage must have been in trouble for a long time- at least at caitlin's end. Please don't use the hormone defense to rationalize reconciliation. She kept on fucking and left him there after he had been shot!

Maturity would be to be honest about what really happened, cut your losses, and move on.

It has a developing plot. Sweet!

No rating yet from me. Looking forward to see how this develops.

Thanks

"I tried to make my story entertaining, and somewhat plausible/realistic but not so life-like that it really happened."

Guy gets shot and no police or medical services get called! WTF!

Suspension of disbelief is one thing but this is just sloppy and piss poor storytelling.

I can't read this stupid shit. I'm sure my vote will be removed but I don't fucking care. This makes no fucking sense. Forget about the bullet hitting his medal. Why go to the trouble of hiring a PI to dig up dirt on his partner,why not just call the fucking police after he shot you.his prints are on the fucking gun. Also he goes to a lawyer to draw up divorce papers and he is already backing off? You caught her fucking your partner in your bed then he shoots your dumb ass. Then he just tells his daughter that he and her mom are just having a fight.his daughter s in college she isn't 12 tell her the fucking truth .this whole story fucking sucks ass.

I read the first sentence of each paragraph until I see that you have ended whatever tedious irrelevant point you were making in the previous 2 or 3 paragraphs, then see if there is anything new that moves the plot along. What he ate, what time he goes to sleep or wakes up, how many cups of coffee he drank, what clothes he wore, his continual obnoxious ramblings about what he did, what he should have done, what he might do, what he might not do, then multiply that times 3 for his wife and daughter; it is just nonstop mindless dithering.

He was happily married. His business partner convinced his wife to engage in a revenge fuck for supposed infidelity. The business partner fucks the wife then shoots him. The bullet is stopped by a medal and he is now staying with a friend whom his wife contacted for help. Neither he nor his wife contact the police. He is unhappy with his wife but does not know what to do about it. His business partner is smuggling guns and drugs and gets busted. The wife is sorry for the revenge fuck. The husband flies off to Hawaii to, I don't know, go surfing, get a tan, who cares?

That's your whole story. 1 paragraph. Ten pages? I don't think so.

Constructive criticism is almost always welcomed by authors, especially new authors who have worked up the courage to share their writings with the public. Even Shakespeare had plot holes and extraneous material in his stories.

Snarky, rude, and insulting criticism is best left unwritten. If you don't like the story, stop reading it. Literotica has a large number of other offerings for your amusement.

I encourage the author to continue with this tale, and to at least consider some of the more constructive comments as he moves forward. The only way to properly evaluate a plot is to see how it will play out in the end, and only the author knows that. Hold the negative comments until then.

I think this author wrote this story for me because he deleted my comment even though it was constructive and not nearly as bad as others. Gee, I'm flattered by the attention.

Please start making some good decisions about this and that instead of rehashing all of this over another 10 to 15 times as what to do.! We know what you should do what you do-do is up to your story and to tell you the truth I don't know if I want to see that you are bringing this all up "again" in the next ~~ as I am very tired or re-reading over and over again the same ole stuff.!*** To tell you the truth I really don't know if I really want to go through reading Ch. 3 or any of your future Ch. about this.!

I agree with much of what has been said about plot holes and length, but still find enough entertainment to keep reading. Two comments: 1) People seem to think it's an open and shut case against Cyrus for shooting our hero, but he did set it up to look like self-defense. Probably there is room for some kind of charges against Cyrus in provoking the whole thing, but it doesn't appear to this non-lawyer to be certain. Still, I'd sure as hell have called the cops. 2) The main plot hole is believing Caitlyn's sorrow and love for her husband. Leave while he's unconscious, regardless of the medal stopping the bullet? I don't think so. Nor do I accept her sudden betrayal, even if deceived, unless there were more problems, and for much longerr than we've been told about.

It will take a lot of explaining before I accept a reconciliation as believable.

The story flows well and is entertaining. There are few grammatical errors. While there are parts that are obviously fiction that is what this is.....fiction.

Looking forward to the next chapter.

As always, I have read all the comments and appreciate the feedback. I have only deleted one comment, and that was in the first chapter, none in this one yet. The next chapter will fill in a lot of the intentional holes, as well as open up some new ones, so bear with me. If you think I should stop writing, well as another commenter pointed out, there are a plethora of other stories to read that you might enjoy more. I enjoy writing, if even only for my own amusement. Oh, part 3 is nearly done and should be over to my editor in a few days. Thanks!

Rnebular

Just read the second part of page 1. Why didn't he call the police he had a bullet lodged in a charm . Had the photos so far he is running. weird , author I going to read the rest of this. Nonsense .

I gave you a # 3 because a lot of your work is appealing and I didnt totally hate this..

It's an enjoyable read and you have built the main character up enough to be sympathetic and relateable. I look forward to future chapters and enjoy your writing style but I think you would benefit from some more brain-storming and think more about, "what would this character really do in this situation".

Constructive crit.- Your main character is a smart and balsey kind of guy and it doesn't seem that he would be as passive about some of the things as he has been. I just don't understand why he din't call 911 and report the attempted murder as soon as he woke up. Also, why didn't he just go home and change the locks and tell that dumb bitch to find a place to live? Why didn't he lock down all the accounts in case she was running off?

I don't see why he wouldn't force her to agree to a hugely lopsided agreement for a divorce if she wanted a chance to prove she was really sorry. Give him everything then get married again if things worked out. That is the only way I would consider taking her back after what she did.

Anyways, keep up the writing and take the advice with a grain of salt.

James is shot and his wife calls Shawn instead of 911.

Shawn finds James shot and unconscious so he takes him home to his couch instead of calling 911 or rushing him to the hospital.

James tells his attorney he has been shot by his partner - The attorney tells him there is probably no point in contacting the police.

A Judge is able to take away Cyrus's half on the business and give it to James, without a hearing, simply because Cyrus has been arrested.

One partner is arrested on drugs and weapons charges but the police apparently don't need to even talk to the other partner.

And what happened to the pistol? Cyrus dropped in on the floor with his fingerprints on it.

And spot on.

Just adding my agreement with the other comments. Your story line is good but the actions (or lack of actions) seem improbable. No One called 911, James didn't do anything to protect himself or his business. He is almost going about the things he does do in a lackadaisical manner, then ends up going on vacation before ANYTHING is settled. We still haven't heard how the FEMA guy fits into it or what the "see you in jail" type comment from Cyrus made after the shooting means. Why would he ask Caitlin to go with him out of the blue?? Please think about things and continue on the next chapter.

great story as it shows the emotions of a marriage in trouble. he still hasn't figured out what his partner really wanted with him and why his wife so quickly thought he was running around on her. hope next chapter soon

Leaving hundreds of people to die in the disaster. His company will go bankrupt. The divorce will not be favorable. He will find himself in a bad position, even his daughter will think he's the goat.

I'm still lost on Caitlin's knee jerk reaction. There are always issues surrounding pieces/parts of a story that people have issues with. My only bit of advice is to keep up the good work.

Someone shoots you and you are not going to call the cops...or even go to the hospital. Otherwise I liked it.

If this was a movie I enjoyed fast forwarding it ...

Nebular neglected to inform us if Hubby's window seat near the rear of the peon section was on the right or the left side of the plane! I usually like detail, but I do not think detail such as this will forward the storyline one whit!

If Hubby does sell his plane & business, then much of the prior story involving Mr. FEMA Slimewad & Sluts looks like it will fall off the side of the page. If the 'castaway' in the title is literal, and his flight to Hawaii goes down, there isn't much in the way of deserted islands between Santa Barbara and the Big Island!

This story sound like it was written by an eighth grader; and a stupid one at that. The husband's decisions made no sense. Being partner's with someone he knew was an asshole, not reporting being shot,leaving his home, not getting a restraining order on his lying wife, not following through with the divorce, leaving town with his tail tucked between his legs when so much was going on. One could go on and on describing the holes in this story. The actions of the wife is a disgrace to all women with a brain in their head. Not worth reading any farther.

1*

Have James call Caitlin, have her report the shooting. Caitlin must take Shaun with her to report and confess the crime and affair with Cyrus, to begin mending fences... perhaps it will also begin to redeem your plot...

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

New characters, worse betrayal (arguably), worse rationalizations by hubby, and every indication of a similar RAAC.

I really like to give the Relationship-Drama (RD) stories a chance - whether they be run away, reconcile, BTB, real-life, or even an over-the-top just desserts tale a shot (which may be poor word choice in this case).

But here... ... I'm sorry... the decision making by the main characters is so poor as to be too unrealistic... I just can't find much interesting to keep me going in this one.

I'm out.

PS

I wish I could be a useful critic and give you helpful tips on how to improve things, but other than make your characters, smarter & better motivated... I'm at a loss.

PPS

If you want a really good one in this genre, try "Dig Two Graves by winterfoxx"

I like your characters. I enjoyed reading the story. The revenge on the partner is too remote from James to resolve his feelings about what happened. James also has to make him pay for the attempted murder, I hope in a very personal way, and to pay for the betrayal with his wife in an equally personal way. The wife? He needs to have revenge whether he stays or goes. He needs her to feel the absolute betrayal. Why did she give in so easily? Why did she allow her rapist to have a gun to shoot him? I would like to see this resolved in a way that preserves all of the good characters and reduces the others. A tall order, I am sure. Best wishes, I will be reading.

I like the story but I would really like to her the wife's explanation for not calling the police and cleaning up the crime scene and getting rid of the gun. Seems like she was covering up for someone.

Yes , I will await the next chapter, and give the author time to set up his story.

I do agree with many of the issues raised before , mostly the part about the cops not getting in contact after the raid , or being able to sell the company under such circumstances. But I will allow the author to clear it up in the next chapter.

I do feel that the author uses some filler, but he isn't the only one on this site to do so. But do take that part seriously , as one who has never written before I am certainly not an expert , but I have read enough to know it when I see it. This is a wonderful tool for amateur authors to hone their skills , so hone away sir.

I will await completion of the story to score.

P.S. to all the folks complaining about a .22 not penetrating a medal , I know one will not go through a Penny. Tried that several times myself.

A .22 lr bullet will penetrate a steel road sign at 400 feet. It will generally not penetrate a penny for two reasons, one is that a penny is a composite constructed sandwich of zinc wrapped in copper. When the bullet hits the copper it begins to expand and bleed energy. When it hits the zinc core, a much softer metal, the energy falls drastically and it usually will not penetrate the other copper wall. It's analogous to firing a bullet through 4 layers of denim in front of ballistic gelatin. Second is that due to the sandwich and size of the penny, only a direct center hit would even have a shot at penetrating.

Steel is not the same, it is a solid metal and stainless is actually fairly brittle. A direct hit should penetrate and do at least some damage to his chest. Worse would be a glancing hit, which would likely slow the bullet very little and then direct it to an arra around the medallion that was unprotected.

As far as the rest of the commentary excusing the writer from the glaring errors using examples such as 'even Shakespeare made mistakes', I submit to you that google didn't exist at the time. The multiple mistakes made could have easily been researched and corrected, something I hope my criticism encourages the author to do before the next chapter. If he does so, I will score accordingly in his favor.

How thick was the medal?

How thick is he? He accuses her of not talking to him about the photos while at the same time he is running away and refusing to talk to her. When he does talk he uses the coward's way of a phone call so he can hang up on her - and does.

I am fed up reading stories (3 in the last couple of weeks) where the wife sees incriminating photos and is expected to take them to a lab to verify them. I have read many, many stories where the husband gets similar photos and never is expected to doubt them but immediately acts on them. Double standards????

Over here I wish we could get an appointment with a PI and 2 lawyers on the same day we ring them.

There are just too many holes in the plot and EVERYONE involved simply runs away. Cyrus, the wife instead of calling the police immediately, your very staid cheated on husband who seems more worried about trivial issues above all else... Just too weak. I'm going to pass on reading anything further on this series unless the reader scores go up some. At the moment this is a waste of time.

I haven't seen a comment about here coming in wet from a visit to the gym and taking an immediate shower. Was it because the gym lost it's water supply, because she was Running late and decided to leave the gym smelly and sticky and shower back home, or could she have been having her own bit of cock on the side? It would neatly answer the questions surrounding her flight off the handle at the sight of the photos. But I do agree with most of the comments here. This story is on the weak side with too much verbiage that doesn't go anywhere.

I'm unsure about directing any new author to Dig Two Graves, except as an example of how NOT to stick the landing. Very good writing, but that ending - WOOF.

Cog

... gutless wimp would fail to go, as soon as he regained consciousness, back to his home to confront his cunt of a soon to be ex-wife, call the police, and begin looking for his ex-partner, hoping he could catch up to him before the screws did!

There is a tacit agreement, between the writer and his readership, to be willing to suspend disbelief in order to 'grease' the story, sort of, and make it more interesting. Different genres have differing levels of suspension... this to so ridiculous for this genre that it doesn't even BEGIN to track. Your protagonist hasn't ONE FUCKING HAIR ON HIS ASS! I don't give a rat's as if he dies: he's not fucking human, he's a waste of genetic material, and a public school education!

Don't waste any more time on this shit, it's just throwing bad money after good!

1*, and that's charity...

Ok, sorry I gave the first part a 3.

I still have negative sympathy for the dumb ass cheating cunt.

You have your work cut out for you to make her a sympathetic character in any fashion.

I'm really hoping for satisfaction in your hero. So far, not too bad. I like that he let a little of his anger out at his stupid wife but I hope he gets enough control to let it all out at some point.

Taking it as an improbable story, I am enjoying it. Thanks.

to fight another way. TK U MLJ LV NV

his partner tries to murder him, but he never calls the cops or in any way tries to protect himself. that's stupid.

his wife, witnessing the attempt on cucky's life, fails to call 911; opting instead to sterilize the crime scene to protect herself and her lover before fleeing the scene. she undoubtedly discovered he wasn't shot when trying to move his body to clean up his blood. but he doesn't know if he wants to divorce her... that transcends stupidity. the dude's over 25, so you can't blame puberty.

i admit i have an irrational hatred towards co-dependent people. masochists also.

I refused to start this without knowing when it would be finished, and am glad I did!

Part 1 - 6/5

Part 2 - 6/8

Part 3 -???? 6/16 and counting

How many MORE parts?

Others may disagree with me, but In My MOST Humble Opinion, multi-part stories shouldn't be posted until the entire story is essentially complete, at LEAST first draft of final part written before Part 1 posted. Subsequent parts ideally a day apart, certainly no more than 1 week!

????When are you planning to release part3?????

Thank you everyone for your patience. For those of you who don't have as much as others, I can empathize. I hate waiting for good stories to have their next chapter out just as much as everyone else. I submitted part 3 for posting on Friday evening, so I would expect it to be available to read either tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest. It really all depends on how quickly the moderators get it released.

Thanks,

RNebular

As I reflect on this accounting, there are long sections on issues that do not further the main theme, and others that should be addressed and are not, or are given short-shrift. One case of the latter issue is non-reporting of the Attempted Murder ... by the victim! Not sure if the bullet was retained or not (was not even mentioned) but he had the medallion and the bruise and the shirt (with powder residue, no doubt!). Also, the busting of Hubby's drug-dealing, home-wrecking partner was Wham-Bam Thankee Maam!

Good read, but not well-managed!

Cyrus knew James and Caitlin were leaving for a vacation. Why didn't he leave his criminal activities until they were away?

.22 gauge gun? Man, dude, buddy? Are these two young millennialson and not responsible adults? My engine stopped when I turned off the key. I unlocked my driver's side door and opened it. I stopped to adjust my junk, released my seat belt and put my left foot onto the warm macadam grateful that Shawn had given me shoes. He's a great dude, man.

Seriously??

First, it is engaging enough to keep me reading. Second, some on the details you provide are tedious. Writers do not add details just for the sake of adding details. If they don't add any color to the plot, then they simply put a drag on the story. Third, the whole Cyrus plot makes no sense. He has a big drug deal planned, doesn't want hubby to be in the way, so he tricks the wife and then try's to kill hubby. To what end? If your trying to smuggle drugs, you don't go out and murder someone and leave a witness (the wife). Or, you make sure to dispose of the body.

His wifes lover and his partner tried to kill him but you write nothing about it.

Also his wife story is stupid. She cheated on him and let him injured there by the gun.

I hope chapter 3 is better

"So did you? DID YOU CHEAT ON MOM?" - Gee, thanks for your faith in me!

"Caitlin had called, checking up on me, and the one woman had just happened to ask me about partying at the same time. I wonder if Cyrus was sitting next to her, goading her to call and check up on me." - Well, duh! You don't need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out!

As for evidence, how about her text about being "sorry" and "ashamed"?

Even without blood, why not call 911? Why clean up the evidence, including the gun with Cyrus's finger prints on it?

If he's pushing Cyrus out of the business, why does he need to sell it?

dtiverson did the pictures bit much better in "Pictures Never Lie: A Love Story"

Nicely written. Yes there are weird plot holes: - a normal wife would NEVER leave her shot husband even if it didn't look fatal. And not reporting a shooting is bizarre. The partner basically should have shot himself: he didn't get the husband out of the way, and got himself nicely arrested. The wife wouldn't have screwed the partner at the drop of the hat unless she is dealing with some serious mental issues. All these things are concerning, but what I DO like in the story are the moments of contemplation and self reflection. Very nice inner dialogue. Who among us wouldn't just love to run away somewhere warm for a while? I like the fact he is thinking about his daughter; so many stories of separated parents with children just ignore them. Onward to the rest...

The question has been raised: Why didn't the husband tend to the bank accounts after the atrocious betrayal by his wife. No sense in that. He must assume she was in on everything. The one-off revenge meme is just not believable. It's simply too easy and too stupid. She is dangerous and he should find a way to deal with her. Divorce? You're kidding, right?

Also, sometimes a guy might not want the cops involved. In this case, probably yes, though. But why the naïve assumption to go blathering to the police? The hospital maybe.

The way this plot got completely psycho out of nowhere is a very chintzy B movie technique. But the writing itself is not too bad.

dumb shit.

I'm hoping you'll fill in some plot holes that commenters are making in following chapters.

My business is selling I'm going to stay there and make sure I take care of negotiations. My revenge on my former partner is still unfinished (and I still don't know WTF happened to cause what I DO know) I'm staying there and taking care of business. My daughter is devastated I'm staying there and making sure she's ok. I call bullsh1t on the Hawaii trip unless something justifies it in later chapters.

Damn fun read though.

"cuck in a closet"

Look it’s a good story. I gave it four stars. It easily could have been five. The one thing James failed to consider when trying to decide whether to divorce or reconcile was the fact that she had allowed Cyrus to hold and point a loaded gun at her husband, without saying a single word of protest or warning to the supposed “love of her life”. She merely fucked and grunted harder to make sure she and Cyrus got their nut. That action alone should have permanently sealed her doom.

Somewhere in a bunker made from a converted missile silo in eastern Europe:

"Okay, let's get this meeting of the Literotica LW Writers Club going. First order of business. Do we have any new ideas for plots that would totally annihilate any possibility of reconciliation? Tony?"

"Yes, thanks, Fred. How about if the wife drugs the guy, hooks him up to a hoist, lifts him seven feet in the air, sprays him with turpentine and then sets him on fire. While he's spinning and roasting, she invites over the neighborhood kids, hands each one a bat and tells them it's a pinata party?"

"Oh, very good Tony. We'll definitely add that one to the list. Anyone else? Edgar?"

"Sure. How about this. A day before a big romantic getaway with his long time wife, a guy comes home to find her fucking a man that he should have been able to trust implicitly. She berates him while fucking this man. Wait, I'm not done. Then the man pulls out a gun and threatens him. Eventually he shoots the husband, drops the gun, makes some odd statement about enjoying prison and leaves. Hold on, hold on. Not done yet. So, the guy has just been shot in the chest. The bullet was blocked by a small piece of metal, but, you know, severe blunt force trauma to the area of the heart. So, does the wife call an ambulance? Nope. She calls the mechanic where the husband works."

"Wow. Nice, Edgar. The only way towards RAAC at that point is if we find out later that the wife is mentally challenged, has an IQ that would put a dog to shame and did it because she's cognitively impaired."

That comment made my day! I literally laughed out loud, so thank you. I will endeavor to work with "the conclave" to give you something MORE over-the-top. Thanks for the laugh!

Rnebular

As others have pointed out, there is no .22 gauge. I know you read Todd172. Read his essay on researching the topic. It is a good way to make sure you don't make these big gaffes.

YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dear god, could you have made this any more boring if you tried? I'm done.

Makes no sense. How old are you? Have you ever interacted with actual human beings? Don’t thank your editor. He did you no favors, nor us, your readers.

Lucky guy, that the drug and arms dealing Cyrus only had a .22 handgun and then hits the St. Christopher medal. Story is good, but slow with little action now.

In what universe would a wife who loved her husband not call the police to report an attempted murder, and an assault and battery, after watching her husband get shot in the chest? Cyrus should have immediately been a criminal suspect. And why in the hell wouldn't MC call the cops as soon as he awoke? These characters, though nicely written otherwise, fail the common sense test.

1st. Why wouldn’t the wife, whom was not involved with his partner except for this one time cheating incident call the police and ambulance, when she witness her husband being shot? I think 99% of people would have instinctively called 911 without thinking, you have to wonder why didn’t she.

2nd. Why wouldn’t the husband make a police report even though he wasn’t actually injured by the shot, he had his wife as a witness to the crime?

It wasn’t like the partner was a criminal mastermind as the the PI in less than a day got enough evidence on him that would have him locked in prison for life. Enjoying the story but some pretty big plot holes⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Wants to roast his partner (obviously)

But his wife? Yeah we know where this is heading....

Things which make no sense:

* James doesn't bother to involve the police to investigate the assault orchestrated by Cyrus and his wife as an accomplice,

* He hesitates to serve the divorce papers on his wife (which is a given under those circumstances),

* He doesn't tell his daughter what exactly has happened.

You said the story would be long. But this takes a lot of patience to get by.

St. Christopher's medallion, that's one more reason for James to grovel to his loving cheating wife and beg for her forgiveness. If he doesn't do that I hope his daughter will successfully emotionally blackmail him into forgiving his loving cheating wife and taking her back. More power to raac writers!

Glaring omissions as pointed out in other comments. A lot of the reactions are hard to believe.Here is a wife who loves her husband to death. Yet she does not go with him to Shawn's place.Why? Because James wont want to see her, after what she has done. Of course calling Shawn to find out how he's doing, doesn't enter her mind!! James doesn't want to tell Maddy what happened BUT knowing Cyrus is dangerous, he does not think it is necessary to warn his daughter? She thinks Cyrus is her father's partner, and therefore safe! And on and on! It all paints the MC as a total moron, not deserving of much sympathy. 3*s.

Wow. Sure are a lot of holes. One thing in the first Chapter that was treated as of no consequence, was Caitlin's reluctance to get married, until she found herself pregnant. Was Maddy actually James' daughter, or was he just a convenient, stable simpleton to fill the gap?!

Pure nonsense

There's a fair bit that's good here, but back a chapter, the instant betrayal by his wife when surprised by some clever lies, etc. from a known skunk just does not work, IMO. She's not all there mentally, (can she spell incredibly 'gullible'?) or something is not yet revealed which makes her instantaneous agreement to a revenge coupling less inexplicable. And el skunko takes less than a day to get his butt arrested for serious, previously unknown nefarious doings?

All very readable, but rambles on and on.

To other commenters:

People do weirder sh!t than this every day.

So, Caitlin fucked Cyrus because he showed her pictures of her and James fucking?

Definitely a bit of creativity on the author's part. There are a lot of stories where the wife is shown doctored pictures but, to have her fall for a picture where she's actually the woman in question... Did not see that coming.

Regardless of the author's creativity that seriously makes Caitlin one of the dumbest wives in the entirety of the LW section of this site. She seriously can't look at a picture of her and James having sex and recognize it? SMH

Ditto chpi esque. But really, who watches their husband get shot and NOT call police? That's nuts. You called drive schmuck to help instead of 911? Not buying that... But I'm still reading so not enough of an issue to put the story down. Going thru give done explanation for drive of the weird outliers... Not calling 911, instant revenge fuck, wife not wanting to get married until pregnant....

Oh and forget about the business partner not being concerned with them reporting it.. he threw the gun on the ground and left it there? Was he wearing gloves? How did he know the wife wouldn't call 911? And especially just before he did a big illegal snuggling desk? Arg... Guess I just need to try to enjoy the writing and big picture....

I sense an RAAC/ CUCK ending...

Okay, this is just absurd! Why didn’t his friend/employee call 911?!? When he woke up, why didn’t he immediately call 911?!? He has the bullet, the police will be able to match it to the gun. His wife, realizing that she’s been tricked, would testify about what happened. Also, you don’t know if you are getting a divorce?!? Of course you are. In fact, you could probably get your wife charged with conspiracy, and accessory to attempted murder.

I know that this is fiction, but unless you explicitly state that it takes place in another world, it is reasonable to expect normal behavior from the characters. Every single character in this story acts like they are in n a telenovela written by Mad Magazine!

ZK

How the FUCK does this diseased crap writing score over 4?!?

Interesting character, but I have to get on the bandwagon with the rest of the commenters about the idiocy of nobody calling 911.