All Comments on 'Cephalon's Champion Ch. 02'

after waiting so long for this , i was thrilled to read this chapter. thank you. could you please continue this and i am dying to read more of forced changes. i wish you all the best .awesome reading.

Hey Cap'n Doggy,

I read "Orcish embrace" back in July, and have been following you since. I really like this arc, and hope you continue to develop it.

A request in your writing; I'd love to hear more about these characters and their backstory. You've certainly given me the bones of the characters and even enough to care about them, but there's more to them (I think they're in your head and you've known them longer than we have, so you forget we don't know them like you do). If you would develop them I think you'd cement our relationship :-).

Keep up the great work!!

Mel

I gotta say this is one of the stories I am most looking forward to reading more of out of the 100 or so I have booked marked. All I ask is that you don't just up and end it like this... to many have done so already and it's just painful knowing a great story will never make it past the first or second chapter.

Best of luck and hopefully to be reading more soon.

This might not be my alley. You had me at monster girl but you're losing me with the lingering lactation fixation and lizard dildo. Good story and the premise is lovely. I like where you are taking the plot but I'm kinda lost in how wild the sex is and how okay the protaganist is with every facet of this for no reason.

Also his relationship with Freya is wierd as hell. Idk what that dynamic is but it's so strange to me. Anyways. All around good stuff. Even if it's not my cup of tea.

PS: genuflect is a fun word but it is wierd as hell to see someone try to casually use it in a semiserious manner.

One can only hope that in the near future more will come... hopefully... please...?

Your storys are some of the best I have seen seen my only criticism is that you seem to jump from story to story a bit instead of working and finishing one before moving forward.

Love it better than anyother book ive read please please please make more dont end it like this.

"Wow. You really are new to this."

"Sorry to disappoint," I said a little snappishly.“ its a theme in your stories that the heroines always are clueless and stay clueless by DESIGN! They never ask relevant questions to their new situation/world/abilities…especially about her low mana? About priests? About whTever is growing in her throat? About the father? The white egg she strapped with leather to her bicep?

“I don't know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn't for her to kiss me.“ its okay for everyone to touch and kiss/play with her but its bad and immoral and without consent if she has the need to do the same… ffucking logic.

"It's perfect." I pulled her into a side hug complete with a small kiss on the top of her head.“ i thought she didnt forgive her.. then wat was affectionate hug/kiss for.. not to mention this Bast gave up her cock for Selena and yet this Selena does 0 of her duties except shun her as a monster.

“ "You'll be fine, she wants this you know," Ata provided.

How do you know?” Did this Bast not fucking ask the whore point blank if she wants this and she said yes? So why the hell is she second guessing herself.. again!! Where was her instict/need to dominate and ravish..

"Are you sure you're okay with this? You just went through a traumatizing event, I don't know if you should be making life altering decisions right now." Oh god again.. triple consent and reassurances from 50 people just to have sex with a whore that kissed you and literally said “ i want to have sex you! I want this.”

“Also, it would wound me if you later came to regret making this decision." Its ironic that she told the whore she has a low opinion of herself while here she is with 0 confidence.. thinking the whore would regret the opportunity of becoming a priestess to a goddess.

“ It was only now that I was able to relinquish all my reservations and trust Jennifer's words. ” why does she have so many reservations? They kidnapped and changed her fully and she didnt care so why is she so reserved and unconfident and uncomfortable with her desires.

“while I looked at my mischievous appendages, wondering just how many secret uses they held.“ ask the armor? She seems to know alot and doesnt mind explaining unlike that useless summoner.

“ I opened my mouth to ask her if she was sure .” Sigh she is literally asking and begging for it and still want to ask you sure? Why do all the other characters donwhatever they want yet the heroine always 50x consent asking like.. sigh..

Could be top notch with a thorough proof reading AND an editor.

The proof reading is YOUR responsilbility. Editors are not proof readers, they are for tightening up 'wordy' sentences, finding plot holes, and a miriad of other things.

One of the first things I was taught in writing classes in high school, (I'm old enough writing was actually TAUGHT in high school.), was the importance of re-writing. The first time anything is put down on paper, literally or virtually, it is a first draft. In this age of electronic wordsmithing, this concept has been lost, for the most part.

The creator MUST go back and carefully read what has been put down as a draft. Don't get caught up/sidetracked w- re-writing or fixing things, make notes IN the text. Use different color text, or a diacritic to notate. After you have fully read the draft, then go back and take your time to fix/expand/re-write.

The quality of any given written work is based upon the number of re-writes. When you are satisfied, THEN it goes to an editor. The fresh eyes and perspective will catch plot issues, character inconsistencies, and other things you are imherently blind to.

It takes word equivalent of decades of serious writing before any average writer can self-edit. As yout talent is honed, and improves, you'll gain the ability to re-write on the fly, and not need to notate, though it ALWAYS helps to make notes if you stumble upon big ideas, and don't let them bog you down.

Is this a lot of work? Hell, yes! But it is what separates authors from writers.

The best thing you can ever do to improve your skills is to edit for others. You will learn more editing than you will writing, given equal time investment.

I wrote AND edited, professionally, for 30+ years in academia. More of MY work was published without my name, than with. But, the published names always knew who to credit, and always returned to me, whenever they could.

I enjoyed the first chapter, and the story is pretty interesting. But it's disappointing to see the character we know and the protag is starting to build a relationship with, Selena, be suddenly thrown aside, and replaced by a random character we barely know, Jen- Freya. Presumably Selena will come back later, but it still means that what could have been meaningful intimacy is instead just sex for sex's sake because the protag decided she'd be the priest knowing nothing about her.

There are stories on this site that barely try to have a narrative and go wham-bam-thankyoumaam instead, and there are stories that weave the narrative and the sex together, but this is the rare story that builds a great narrative, and then sets that aside for a random wham-bam-thankyoumaam episode for some reason.