C'est La Vie

"You appear to know a lot about me, sir."

"Of course I do young man! After what happened I felt obligated to keep an eye on you. If I could do nothing else, I could ensure that you did not get into anymore trouble."

"I don't understand, sir!"

"Cut the formality, William! I'm on your side. I always have been, hasn't Megan assured you of that?"

I suppose I must have nodded or something, for he went on.

"Capital, now be patient for a little longer young man and all will become clear to you. I hope!

"I also hope that you'll understand my position and be able to find it in your heart to forgive me for not acting sooner."

"Now, you've really lost me... Bertie."

My reply brought a smile to the old mans face, but it didn't remain there for very long. His gaze moved to the far side of the room. When I followed his eye line, I saw that The Witch and George, had entered the lounge. They were swiftly followed by Tamsin and her husband. All four of them trooped over and were directed to sit on adjacent sofas opposite us.

Albert's gaze then returned to the lounge's entrance; it was obvious he was expecting someone else to join us.

"What's this all about, Bertie? Why have you summoned us in here like this? We have guests to attend to!" The Witch demanded

"Please be quiet Hyacinth, without your interference I'm sure none of this would have been necessary. Shona was a feckless young woman who made an honest mistake, which she had been prepared to admit to until you talked her out of doing so!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" The Witch began to rant, but her husband shocked her into silence.

"Be quiet Hyacinth, Bertie's quite right!" George snapped back at her.

"Jesus, the worms turned!" I thought to myself. That was something I'd never dreamed would ever happen.

At this point a man wearing a black suit and a dog collar entered the lounge. I recognised him instantly as another prominent member of the Stone clan.

A Priest of the Roman Catholic persuasion who went by the name of Father Conner, and of obvious Irish decent. However I never had been able to figure-out exactly where he fitted into the Stone family tree. As far as I was aware, everyone else in the Stone clan were strictly C. of E.

Whatever - the man had always been pleasant to me on the few occasions we had met.

I should add that - being of a different faith or not - Father Conner held similar and equal patriarchal standing within the family clan to Sir Albert Stone.

However whereas the throng had come to Albert in the main hall, I'd caught sight of Father Conner a couple of times, diligently doing the rounds of the family.

Albert rose to his feet to greet Father Conner and then the priest turned to me and shook my hand. (I'd leapt to my feet the instant Albert had.)

"I'm pleased you chose to attend today, William. You did a fine job with that speech young man. It certainly surprised your daughter to learn that you are so... conversant with her life history."

Father Conner stole a quick glance at Tamsin as he spoke. My daughter looked somewhat embarrassed.

"Thank you, Father, you're keeping well I hope!"

"As well as the good Lord intended, William. Now Megan, have you been avoiding me today?"

The good Father moved his attention on. I waited patiently until he'd finished with Megan and then we all sat down again.

Uncle Albert cleared his throat noisily. Effectively saying, "Right now, let's get down to business!"

But it was Father Conner who spoke first.

"Bertie, you do understand the confidentiality of the confessional?"

"Completely, Joe!" Albert replied, "My actions were similarly constrained until recently. However, I believe I might have thought of a way out of our mutual predicament."

"Very well, as long as everyone understands that I can't reveal anything that was said to me in confidence." Father Conner reiterated.

Albert fixed Tamsin with a friendly stare.

"Tamsin, humour me if you will? I'd like you to imagine that we're in a courtroom here and that you are giving evidence... You've taken the oath, if you understand me!"

"Yes Uncle Bertie, but I don't..." Tamsin began to reply.

"I don't expect you to understand, Tamsin - not yet. Hopefully everything will become clear to you shortly. If it doesn't then this whole pantomime will have been a total waste of time. I just want you to answer my questions as fully and honestly as you can under the circumstances. What I'm going to ask you to tell me will all be hearsay anyway, so it would have no legal standing in a proper court of law.

"Now, will you humour me?"

"Of course Uncle Bertie."

"Right now I'd like you to relate to us, everything you know about the break-up of your parents marriage!"

"Now, hold up there Bertie..." I tried to intercede.

"Silence Billy, this is my playpen!" Albert admonished me.

To be honest with you, I was quite taken aback by the rebuke. Not so much by Albert's curt admonishment. More by the fact that he'd addressed me as, "Billy".

"Now Tamsin, if you would please?" Albert continued.

"Albert she was only a baby at the time. You're asking too much of Tamsin!" The Witch exclaimed.

"You know, you're probably right Hyacinth." Albert agreed, "Why don't you tell us the story? You went over there as I recall and you were old enough to understand what was happening. I'm sure you've repeated the story often enough over the years to know it off by heart."

"I, I don't think I can..." The Witch replied.

For the first time that I'd ever witnessed, sounding unsure of herself and even looking embarrassed.

"Oh but I'm sure you can Hyacinth. Your diatribe against William here has been your party piece for years now."

Albert's obvious... attack on her grandmother, stirred something in Tamsin. She suddenly sat up straight.

"I'll do it..." Tamsin began to say, but Albert stopped her speaking.

Albert it seemed, was adamant that the The Witch tell the story. I don't understand why, but I have to assume that Albert's original request for Tamsin to relate the story had been some kind of legal feint; designed to achieve, I know not what! The way legal minds work, is often a mystery to us mere mortals.

Eventually The Witch conceded, although she averted her eyes from my gaze all the time she was speaking.

I do not intend trying to repeat Hyacinth's actual words here. Some of what she related was completely out of chronological order anyway and even more of it was inconsequential (mother daughter stuff) that had little if any bearing on, or relation to, the actual events at the time. However I will try to relate the pertinent points of the story in the manner The Witch told it that day.

The Witch's diatribe:-

Shona and William had been in America for a couple of months, working on a film. It was Shona's first feature film, William was employed as an assistant cameraman or something. Larry Parker the film's director, had been very impressed with Shona's acting abilities though, and he told me that she would soon be a big star.

We thought everything was going so well. When she called home Shona was very excited about getting her big break in the cinema. Although having eighteen-month-old Tamsin along did prove to complicate things a little. Shona told us that a couple of the girls on film crew were very helpful and looked after Tamsin when she was on the set.

But then one evening everything changed. We received a telephone call informing us that William had gone out and got stone drunk. That he returned to the lodge that he and Shona were sharing, where she was rehearsing her lines for the following days shooting, aided by Larry. For some inexplicable reason William went mad and attacked Shona and poor Larry with the leg from a broken chair.

Luckily Larry had managed to overpower William... by knocking him out, before he managed to kill them both. As I understand it, William was completely off his head. However Larry had not managed to prevent William breaking Shona's cheekbone. Poor Larry didn't fare too well either, because William had given him a really nasty black-eye.

The police of course prosecuted William over the attack, but I'd brought Tamsin back to the UK with me before the case went to court. I know he was sent to prison, but I have no idea how long for. And of course he was deported back to the UK after he'd served his sentence.

After the way William had beaten her, Shona divorced William. What else could the poor child do? No woman should have to experience treatment like that from her husband.

Shona was supposed to have had another, much bigger, part in a film to be made in Hollywood - Larry had arranged that. But her face still hadn't properly healed before they started filming, so she lost-out on that opportunity.

William's rampage that evening cost Shona her chance of becoming the great success as an actress she should have been! The poor girl was so frightened of what William would do when he did get back to the country, that we were forced to get a court order keeping him away from her.

There has been some legal wrangling over the years as everyone knows, but we haven't laid eyes on William... outside a courtroom from that day to this.

The Witch - looking pretty pleased with herself - leaned back on the sofa, effectively announcing the story was complete.

But I noted that she still hadn't looked me in the eye. I was convinced that she could not do so because she was well aware that the story she'd just related was neither the full story nor an accurate summary of events in the States that weekend.

I had not sat quietly and listened to The Witch's diatribe as Albert had wished me to. Several times I'd been moved to challenge, add or correct details that The Witch had either ignored or was unaware of.

However Megan - still tightly holding onto my right arm - appeared to sense every-time I began to... lose my patience. She'd squeezed my arm and at almost the same instant - they must have been communicating somehow - her Uncle Albert would signal me to remain silent.

"Seems that you're a very violent drunk, William!" Albert observed. "I find that very hard to believe. It's also rather strange, that you've managed to remain out of prison for... what must be... twenty-two years now?"

I nodded to affirm Albert's estimate.

"It's also rather odd as well that I've had no reports of you loosing control of your emotions while under the influence. For the information of those of you who are unaware, I've had certain... associates keeping a wary eye on William for many years now. And William for a while there you were... well lets face it, you were a bit of a lush!

"Whatever, I get the feeling that William's interpretation of events will put a slightly different slant on things. Why don't you enlighten us as to how you perceived that unfortunate weekend, William?"

I disentangled Megan from my arm and moved myself forward on the seat a little. I didn't wish for her to inadvertently interrupt me, nor disturb my train of thought. Actually I suddenly felt quite naked without the comforting feel of Megan close beside me.

Then I looked directly at Tamsin, for it was she whom I needed to make understand.

"What your grandmother said was incorrect, right from the beginning. I was asked by a friend to act as cameraman for the second unit on that film. It was supposed to be an action film, set in mountainous terrain. The second unit was charged with filming all the long shots, very often with stand-ins in place of the principle actors. That has always been my forte, long shots and telephoto-work.

"They'd paid for Shona to fly over to the States only because I'd refused to go without her. I was thinking along lines that it would be a nice free holiday over there for Shona. The film crew had taken over a sort-of winter holiday complex. Possibly they got it cheap as we were filming outside of their usual season.

"Not for one minute did I think they'd ask Shona to fill-in for an actor who broke his leg the first day we were filming. They did have to do a little creative rewriting to turn the small part into a female character. Shona having acted in a couple of TV adverts... well, she was in the right place at the right time so to speak. Using her was going to be cheaper than finding and then flying-in another actor. Oh they cut her skiing scene: once bitten twice shy on that score, if you get my drift.

"I was completely unaware of what was going on behind my back, even though I knew that Larry Parker had to be banging some naive young female on the crew. That is Larry's way. Inside the industry he was infamous for his philandering ways. Besides I thought Parker was my friend, and I made the mistake of thinking that friends don't sh... seduce other friend's wives.

"We'd completed location filming that Friday. Everything else was supposedly going to be filmed back at the studio. Shona's character wasn't required for any of those shots. It was really only a very small part.

Anyway on the Friday afternoon, I and the rest of my crew, had to pack up all of our gear so it was ready to return to the hire company. All the technical gear is hired on an as-required basis. Anyway the packing went better than planned and we had things all wrapped up much earlier than I'd expected we would. I got back to the cabin Shona and I were sharing about half-five. I hadn't thought I'd get back there until much before ten that night.

But when I got there the place was empty. No loving wife or sleeping child! All I did find was a note... This note.

I took out my wallet and held out a tatty piece paper towards Tamsin. However it was Albert who took it from my hand. He slowly and very carefully unfolded the remains of the document. Then he read the words scribbled upon it out loud.

Billy,

I'm leaving with Larry. He loves me and he's going to make me a big star in Hollywood. Please do not come after us, or make a fuss.

Shona.

"Short and to the point." Albert commented, "Carry-on William, but I believe we can all see where this is going. Filming on location was over, you say?"

"Yes sir, it was!" I replied.

"Puts a lie to the Shona rehearsing lines for the next day story then, doesn't it? Still carry-on lad, lets get to the messy bit."

"You only have his word for that!" The Witch barked. "How do you know that he's not lying?"

"Very true, Hyacinth." Albert conceded, "Let's see if we can verify a few facts." Albert looked towards the three strangers. "Reginald, if you please?"

The man who hadn't looked familiar to me, stood and approached us carrying a briefcase.

"Sir?" he said to Albert, once he reached a comfortable distance.

"You have the copies of the shooting script for that film?"

Reginald didn't reply in words. He withdrew a folder from the briefcase and handed it to Albert.

Albert didn't even bother to open the folder; he casually threw it onto the coffee table the sofas were positioned around.

"If anyone would care to challenge Willaim's account so far, they'll find that it is supported by the contents of that file. Now, proceed William please."

For a few seconds I was at a loss, the interruption had disrupted my chain of thought. Literally I had to still my emotions before I continued.

"When I found that note, I got pretty pis... apoplectic. Yeah, and I took a drink or two to calm my nerves.

"But then I realised that I hadn't been due back at the camp until much later that evening. What's more I could recall seeing Larry's hire car parked up in front of his lodge, as we had arrived back in the camp. Then it struck me that Shona and Larry might have miscalculated, they'd thought they'd be long gone before I found that note."

"I have no idea what the smart thing to do, was under those circumstances. I do know that I wanted at least an explanation from Shona as what sort of game she thought she was playing. Parker, I was sure would drop Shona as soon as the next silly little tart caught his eye. I really could not believe Shona had forgotten all that I'd told her about the way the man operated. I hadn't been daft enough to introduce my wife to Parker without pre-preparing her. Jesus when the slimy git turned on the charm, the even bleeding birds in the trees flew to him."

"Anyway I found them in the kitchen of Larry's cabin. I really wasn't interested in Parker, I could deal with him anytime. It weren't like he could hide from me for long and stay in the industry, if you know what I mean. I wanted Shona to explain why she hadn't taken my warnings seriously."

"However Larry Parker, misjudged my intentions, perhaps he'd had other spouses come after him in the past. Anyway, honestly he came at me like the proverbial bull in a bloody china shop."

"I simply sidestepped and Parker shot past me and crashed into the backdoor, smashing the glass in the process. For a moment there, I thought Parker was trying to do a runner!

"In court later, it was claimed that I broke that glass forcing my way into the cabin! The fact that the broken shards were on the floor outside and I had no cuts on my arm, but Larry did, was apparently ignored."

"Of course it didn't help that I could recall very little of that day when I first regained consciousness, and I didn't do for a couple of years. I can recall it all now though, in intimate detail."

"I'm not sure how one would describe Larry Parker's fighting technique because it fits into no category I'm aware of. Whatever, once he'd recovered from crashing into that door, he proceeded to charge at me again. I sidestepped once again, but I managed to pop-him-one as he passed me. I thought it might cool his ardour a little or something."

"Big mistake, my punch changed the direction of his rampage; Parker ploughed into Shona and then the pair of them crashed to the floor. Shona had still been - somewhat surprisingly from my perspective - sitting on a chair beside the breakfast bar. I believe that must have been the seat that failed to survive the encounter."

"Actually I thought Parker was out for the count and Shona didn't look too clever either. So I dragged Parker off-of her and helped Shona to her feet."

"I can recall Shona looking into my eyes, apparently she was very dazed... and then the bloody lights went out!

"I awoke four days later to find myself chained to a hospital bed. I had no memory of the day in question, nor several days preceding it. Memories that were to return, I might add; very slowly, over the following months and years.

"Anyway, Tamsin! Those are my recollections of that fateful day. Everything that has happened since, has been completely beyond of my control. I have no idea who hit me, nor what with. And I've come to the conclusion that it was Larry Parker's head that broke your mother's cheekbone when he crashed into her. I assume that it was he who cracked me on the head, breaking my skull, with a leg from that busted chair Shona had been sitting on.

"Why the two of them chose to blame me for the brawl, I have no idea. And ever since your mother... with the aid of the legal profession, made damned sure that I didn't get close enough to ask her."

"I'd heard that Larry Parker had been found dead - from bullet wounds - in a Los Angeles motel room while I was still enjoying the hospitality of the US legal system, so I couldn't very well ask him. I very much suspect that Parker had chosen to bed the wrong mans spouse. It would seem that Larry Parker discovered that some Yanks can prove to be extremely possessive and rather vindictive. And they can be pretty gung-ho about the use of firearms, as well!"

I sat back on the sofa, there was nothing further I could add, without sounding too vindictive towards my daughter's mother myself.