All Comments on 'CFNM with Sister'

By a total wanker

Totally unreadable English, did you go to school or were you off on the day they taught English?

Ignore the anon pricks that do nothing but criticise everyone's efforts. She could at least have sucked him off though and that would lead into more action in the next chapter.

Also for good entertainment value at least 2 pages is a better length.

That's it really.

It's one thing to write badly. It's another thing to write SO badly that it's practically a different language.

Here’s a suggestion: please re-read all of your future writings before you hit the send button. Read them slowly. Read every word. A better understanding of punctuation would be helpful too.

If this one is the first chapter of many of them. Good begining, we'll see.

(")s would've helped to show that there was dialogue and the proper use of "you're" instead of 'your" would've also helped to make this story a bit more readable

Enjoyed it a lot. Hope there is more to com. You will get better with more writing and practice.

Great story! I hope there will be more to cum.

Check out some books to see proper structure. Use quotation marks when someone speaks and start a new pragraph each time a different character talks. But good job though overall, keep writing.

I like the phantasy of being photographed naked by a clothed lady. It is really amazing!

A damn good story. Welcome to Lit and keep reading (for style) and writing (for us.)

Someone else has probably already pointed this out, but first and foremost, you need to work on your structure.

Use quotations, when people are talking. Break the lines in conversations. If you don't know how to do this, look at professional literature, how is it done there?

Once you've done that, I would suggest practicing writing the plot. I know that a lot of the stories here are simply spank material, and if that's what you are going for that's fine, but all the best stories have engaging and overarching plot, that drives the story. So practice writing the build up, ask yourself "why do my characters do this? What happened that shaped their relationship this way?"

To use this story as an example, it is unusual for siblings to watch each other masturbate, even very close siblings. So why did they agree to this? What history do they share that makes it seem somewhat plausible that they would agree to something so taboo?

Your writing is so hard to read... and yet with a little thought, could work very well. Just think about how it sounds in your head when you read it. Don't say 'your' when you mean you're (in other words, 'you are').

It's not garbage. It is a good story, but told badly. Don't abandon the teen-vernacular; but do make sure that it doesn't sound like a shopping list being read out. Use quotation marks (inverted commas) and do keep writing, your style works well. Just the execution that lacks thought and work. I would hate you to be put off writing by my comments.

Thought you would have her sister offer to strip or at least give him a hand job

Wow, you really tortured those words and phrases during speech to get them to work in your story. The problem is, like true heroes, they held up under torture and wouldn't play ball.

When you write, for example, 'he said oh you and then I said yeah its me and then she said both of you', you are writing at the literacy standard of a nine year old - which is fine... for nine year olds. However, publishing this here, you have to know your readers are all older than that, and should write to their standard.

The plot was actually good, which makes it all the more piteous that the level of writing didn't match it, and was almost unreadable.

Thanks for the try though.

The grammar and sentence structure were atrocious. Once the reader gets past that, the story is actually pretty good. Looking forward to future chapters.

I'm not here to rip apart your writing skills. My very first sexual experience was very similar to your story. There was no camera involved, but I was completely naked in front of my fully clothed sister. She watched and asked me questions as I masturbated for her. It was something that was repeated many times when we were alone together. I never got to see her fully naked, but her keeping her clothes on was part of the deal we made if I wanted to continue having her watch me play with myself. The last time it happened was right before she moved out of the house to get married. We're still very close, but that was the last time she ever watched me stroke myself.

Wow. This is a very exciting story.

Every brothers dream, and then for her to encourage it again anytime he needed it, something tells me, he'll need it alot!!!!!!