by BlewWater69
Chris and Jordan DEFINIGELY HAVE TO GO!! Or the next time they appear is go,na result in a much lower rating...and that would just be a damned shame for such a story to be brought low be a use the author was inconsiderate of his readers!
Cole and Stef, Mark and Michelle...these two couples will uproot and overturn the hierarchy of the senior class...popularity be damned...
Glad this is working out for the geek squad...YYYYAAAAYYYY!!!!
FIVE**5**STARS...but you've been warned!
Giving it a 3. First half with Chris was a 1, as well as later parts dating him and Jordon. Second half with Cole was a 5, so averages to a 3. You really gotta have her dump Jordan & Chris OR bring a girl along who isn't a slut! Maybe she doesn't deserve Cole!
Typical high school sluts fucking and blow jobs for jocks and peers. Use nerds as needed.
I wasn't really interested in the part with Chris so I skipped it. Should really shorten those parts and focus more of the story on our heros.
About stef fucking Chris and Jordan I mean really. Had to skip that part but then when I got to stef and coles sex scene it really didn't matter cause she just gonna go and fuck Chris and Jordan some more and at no time does she care that ahe is now fucking 3 guys. Fucking slut.
I am enjoying this soo much that I am not noticing the issues with dialog. Could be that I am taken back to when I was a horny young guy that just lost his virginity(thank God), and could not think of anything but when I would be able to go OFF again. I think coming from the viewpoint of any of the young people in this story the dialog is just fine!! Keep on writing, all this will change as you read others work. That is my only suggestion is to read other works in the genre then compare. You don't have to be a stuffed shirt in order to share these stories. You got me hanging!
You have a good story, but the the dialogue is terrible. These characters don't sound like they are 18 years old at all; They sound so stiff and robotic that it just becomes unbelievable.
E.G.
"Cole, you think we're going to get another A?" Stef asked.
"Well, we achieved the desired state and the experiment proved the hypothesis that was the assignment. Yes, I think we should get another A," Cole proclaimed, with a smile.
"It looks like Michelle and Mark had success too," Stef said, looking across the room.
"Yes, it does look that way," Cole agreed.
"That means we both have all A's in the labs so far."
"Yeah, we're doing well," Cole agreed.
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I mean seriously man... C'mon
This story has convinced me "to drink ample amounts of pineapple juice to sweeten [my] cum"! The next time a girl gives me head, I want to give her a sweet treat right at the end! :)
I am really enjoying it so far, can't wait to read the rest :)
I like how their relationships are progressing. You have them talking and thinking like their age, all tentative and experimental. Great job!
where is the next chapter??????? i keep looking for it everyday!!!!!!
i have to say i never really like long stories or series....but i love this one...it is great... please keep going soon!!!
were all waiting for more. Thank you for the work you've done so far, Keep it up.
Fantastic and realistic development of he characters. I like that the relationships are progressing slowly.
Very well written and in depth, can't wait to see where you take this story line. your charcters have life and and there decions seem real and not just fuled by lust as so many others on this site seem to be. I look foward to the next chapters of this series.
I like the story, and it's mostly well done, but some of the language is off. What teen actually says 'good fun' or 'delightful?'