All Comments on 'Choir Boy'

loved it

Excellent and believable read. Damn, what a lucky guy!

I'm not hating on you or anything because it was a good story but, get yourself an editor. There are a lot of people on Lit that will help revise and edit your stories.

I understand this is your first time submitting a story but if you do continue, I suggest having someone to fix your story first.

Good job overall and I look forward to reading more from you!

I appreciate all the feedback.I used an editor, you are reading the edited copy. I will edit the story myself and implement some of the advice from the readers. Thank you again and I appreciate not being ripped apart on the stories shortcomings.

It makes me want to have two more sisters keep the story going tenbears43

This is your first, and hopefully not last by a large extent. Keep the imagination flowing.

Love it. Keep them cumin

Yes. you need to be more consistent and thorough:

"... we were all just a year older than the other ..."

"Jeanie, the youngest in the family ... "

" Now, Kelsie who at 18 was the youngest in the family ..."

"... giggling and carrying on like the teenagers they were ...."

------

" Because of Jeanie's natural naivety ..."

"[Jeanie] ... being a stunning young teenage woman as she was, she must have been getting a lot of unwanted attention for the past couple of years now and was a pro at dealing with scum like that."

-------

" Jeanie ran into the tent and dragged out the air mattress and said, "I want my first fuck to be outside under the stars!" "

"... we all collapsed on the floor of the tent in silence ..."

--------

" ... I just laid back ... I immediately froze and went harder than I had ever been in my entire life ... She leaned forward giving me a view I will never ever be able to remove from my brain as its fused into my being , The view I got as she leaned back, held the head of my cock against the tight, almost impenetrable little rosebud ..."

I don't know for sure how others are constructed, but being rock hard this combination of action and views seems impossible to me.

Did you really put lol in a story

Thank you again for the advice. Ive since edited the story and am awaiting the posting of the new version. The mix up with the "Age" of the two sisters was a copy and paste error... "Jeanie being the youngest" should have simply read, "Jeanie being the eldest" Ive also done an extensive overhaul on the punctuation.

bar from the few age mistakes and didn't think you need the stupid bikers in story,they added nothing to story in fact distracted from the story,don't even know why they were in story,if it was only to make a way to introduce the joints to story not needed,my opinion, she sould of got the joints previosly and bought them with her

Other than those few little things it was great & hope you continue writing & ASAP

Nowadays a boy fucking his sister is pretty commonplace. It's a sex-saturated society, and with lots and lots of kids their young hormones are revved up to a fever pitch. Look, they're family, they love each other to pieces. What's more natural than that what the boy's got between his legs goes into what his sister's got between hers? But Scottie's an especially lucky brother. He's got not one but two sisters, both as eager for a good hot family fuck as he is. Scottie's big hard cock goes into each of his sisters easy as pie. (You could say, easy as hair pie.) The raw reality of being up inside his sister's sweet little slice throws the boy into a fuck-frenzy. He drills each sister's tight little twat like mad, his ass works like a machine, his sisters cum like crazy, and Scottie blows his brotherly balls and shoots his sisters full of warm creamy family semen. The boy's got plenty of the stuff in those hot young balls of his, and in the end, all three siblings learn the fundamental truth about families. Family semen belongs up family cunts.

Holy shit that was fucking great you have do a part two maybe more you have to tell us how the rest of the weekend went

That was so crazy good! I can't believe how talented a writer you are. I have tried so hard to write, and i just don't have the gift. you do. PLEASE KEEP EM COMING :) Thanks!!

Hard to beleieve this is your first attempt, I think the story has a great flow, is well thought out, is very entertaining and I would def, read you again. Also I think the Bikers do belong in the story, I think it adds several aspects. Great job, cant wait for part 2.

I loved it. I would also encourage you to add part 2. Cant wait.

I'd recommend this story to anyone. Great read, bring on part 2, and the sooner the better!

This was easily the best story Ive ead in a while. You have the gift of verbage. I will also be looking forward to the second chapter.

First off, I commend you for actually bothering with pacing. My main issue is that your grammar is all over the map. You've got commas where they shouldn't be, improper quotation mark usage, an odd fixation on caputalizing random verbs, and a tendency to write run on sentences.

Luckily, this can all be easily fixed with some editing. You've got definite potential.

Hot as hell! Wow!

5 Stars.Needs Part 2 ASAP. Thanks

if this is indeed your first Attempt, you are going to be an accomplished author when you hit your stride. Excellent first story.

Very nice story you do have potential and I can usually just ignore grammer mistakes

but please, please don't use "lol" in your writing. Unless we are supposed to believe this was written by a teenager by text. Thanks

Really enjoyed the story. Looking forward to more, and maybe a part 2 although this is good enough to stand alone. Working on grammar and formatting wil add a lot to the story, but as far as storytelling goes I see good things. Thanks for sharing this with us.

the movie. It all was true after all! Hot story. Keep 'em coming.

People as a rule don't say LOL. (if they do they are either joking or idiots) "dialogue" he/she/name said laughing/and laughed/then burst out laughing... replacing the lols would improve the flow. Also as someone else pointed out the punctuation would clean things up as well

People need to stop trying to be an editor and just be a reader. This is an excellent first attempt. I copmmend you on your superb writing skills. Keep em coming.

This isnt a college writing class, this is erotic writing. The point here is not to Grade the punctuation but to Grade the story! People need to lighten up. I loved this story and will def. have my eyes on Nostradamus66.

Yeah, Readers need to stop whiniong about the punctuation, Im sure Nostradamus gets the point by now. Maybe from here on in, people can just comment on what an absolutely great read this is. I will read anything Nostradamus writes from now on. Great job and keep the stories coming dude.

Got me high and hard, I think thats what matters most. :)

Loved every word of it. The things people are complaining about actually give it the quirkyness that I like. I think you have great potential. Set me up with chapter 2 please.

Erotica writing is still writing and attention to grammar, punctuation and continuity will always be a hallmark of quality. This may be a very good first effort but greater attention to the mechanics of good writing is warranted. The critical comments seem to be aimed only at helping the writer improve his work. The best suggestion seems to be getting a third party editor. It happens that a writer can easily become "blind" to errors by being too close to the text. This writer has a lot to offer and I hope a follow up to this story is planned. More great ideas and good writing will put him among the best writers on this site.

Guys, I appreciate everyone who came to my defense, I really do, however, the criticism is valid and well warranted. I punctuation is pretty bad. Having said that, I stated earlier, the copy thats uploaded wasa rough draft that got uploaded in error, Ive uploaded the final draft yesterday, the draft that contains the proper puctuation, Im just waiting for the powers that be to post it for me. Once again, the criticism are as important and as welcomed to me as the compliments. I encourage both.

What a great story! Plausible and likable characters, well-thought-out plot, good pacing---You have "an eye" for writing fiction. I can't disagree with the readers who pointed out the problems with punctuation, capitalization, etc., but there was nothing there that prevented my enjoying the story! (And I get pretty ticked at those critics whose own comments are full of errors!) The lack of good editing and proofreading is getting to be a national scandal; it's not just amateur writing here, and it's not just erotic literature, but even prize-winning serious fiction all too often is full of errors. The people who are so quick to attack on this site have never written or published anything of their own, or they'd be more understanding and sound less like high-schoolers who are mad at the English teacher!

"Guys, I appreciate everyone who came to my defense, I really do, however, the criticism is valid and well warranted. I punctuation is pretty bad. Having said that, I stated earlier, the copy thats uploaded wasa rough draft that got uploaded in error, Ive uploaded the final draft yesterday, the draft that contains the proper puctuation, Im just waiting for the powers that be to post it for me. Once again, the criticism are as important and as welcomed to me as the compliments. I encourage both."

I eagerly await the edited version. If you uploaded on the 28th, as you say here, it should have posted today. Perhaps lit is behind. Maybe on Halloween? I'd really like to see a corrected version in proper English.

The version with corrected English STILL hasn't shown up!

The edited Version That I uploaded, is still in "Pending" status. I emailed Literotica today and am still awaiting a reply.

If this is the edited version, you need to go back to the drawing board!

You switched the girls up at the end, but overall not bad.

I uploaded the edited version Nov 29th, its still stuck in pending. Ive emailed the webmaster twice and also Private Messaged them as well... No reply on any of it. Im not quite sure what else to do about it.

For some odd reason, there seems to a delusional reader that doubts the fact I uploaded an edited version, Im not completely sure why anyone would bother lie about that sort of thing, but the closest thing I have to proof, is a copy of my Board where it says, the original was uploaded on the 28th of Oct, and while I cant prove the date of the upload on the edited version, all I can say is it was a day or so afterwards.I would upload a screen capture of the page but I cant figure out how to add pictures to comments. Anyhow, Its still stuck in "Pending".

Title Description

Rating Votes Views Category (Language) Date Status

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Story Submissions:

Choir Boy Scottie the "Choir boy" takes his two sisters camping.

4.60 835 48516 Incest/Taboo (English) 10/28/14 approved

Public Comments: 45 Moderate Public Comments

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Yes No Public Comment Board: Yes No

//www.literotica.com/s/choir-boy [change]

Choir Boy "Edited Version" Scottie the "Choir Boy" takes his two sisters camping.

x.xx 0 0 Incest/Taboo (English) >>>>Awaiting Approval pending<<<<<

Public Comments: 0

Voting Status

Yes No Public Comment Board: Yes No

Even though this needs more editing, I found the story to be really good. I even gave it five stars. Keep writing.

Thanks for the positive feedback. It's always appreciated. I've been trying to upload an edited version without much luck. I must be doing something wrong. I'll keep working on it.

Excellent first story.

I loved this story. Well written, well thought out. Look forward to your next submission.

I would most vertainly recommend this story to those who enjoy the incest theme. Top notch.

Im not sure why there are a few negative critiques, cause, this story did it for me.

This story had a believeable quality. I think thats what most people look for.

Love it when a dude pounds two sisters.

I think, this is an intelligent writer. One that doesnt "Write Down" to a readers level. The Author never assumes his readers are un-educated and writes with a believable quality that emits an air of understanding. I thought it was very well done and encourage more writings.

Dude, great read. One of my new favs man.

Well thought out. I really Liked it.

Looking forward to part 2. Lets not keep us waiting too long please.

Hard to believe you've not written before. Some people just have the knack for writing. I would personally read anything you write. ^5.

You've written a story thats definetly kinky, probably tabboo in most circles, yet not perverted. I liked it alot.

Two hottie sisters at the same time? Hard to top that. I know if I had two willing sisters that looked like that, Id have no choice but to dip my pen in the family ink. Well done.

Well Written. Nice flow to the story, good build up and climax at the end (Pun intended)

Well done mate

Great read, writer doesnt write down to the reader. I like that.

Just imagine living in a society where incest was accepted. I'd love to be a part of that world.

While it wasn't my brother, it was my cousin who I used to camp with. He and I loved skinny dipping in the lake and eventually we began to have sex together. Our families thought we were just very close and never questioned our weekly camping trips. Eventually we each brought others along and would trade partners all weekend.

Your story was very well constructed; you made your characters believable and your story at least plausible, which can be hard given the subject matter. What bothered me was your placement of commas, periods, and semicolons. I kept being drawn to needless breaks in your sentence structure which brought my focus out of the story.

It makes me think of my early years. Between ages 12 and 15 (I came from a very fucked-up family), I had the pleasure of this type of play. Never a 3-some, but several family members one-on-one.

As I read this story, it took me back to my very early years - and confess to becoming aroused - hard - and chose to self-pleasure while reading.

Another example of an extremely immature kiddie who thinks that including GOD, Mother of JESUS, and any other HOLY name in pornography can in some manner make a man out of a little boy. Maybe the name of the writer should be changed to nostraDUMBASS.. I thank GOD that do not fear religion, especially to the grade that is evident from this writer.

wow, great story. had me hard from the get go.cant wait for the sequel

2 stars for your lack of knowledge of female anatomy. The hymen is at the ENTRANCE of the vagina, NOT halfway in! And the clit is above the entrance to her vagina, NOT on her ass - which is where it would have to be if she were riding reverse cowgirl and rubbing her clit on his rock hard shaft. You state Jeanie pulled the air mattress outside so she could be fucked under the stars, yet they all collapsed on the floor of the tent. How, if they are outside the tent? There are other impossible feats as well as, numerous spelling and grammatical mistakes. A good editor - one familiar with female anatomy - is advisable.

You need to study womens anatomy the hymen aka. the cherry is located at the begining of the vagina not half way in.