All Comments on 'Christmas Break Pt. 01'

Reply really good for the most part. My only criticism would be that you used words and thoughts that seem too crude or experienced for two naive virgins. You seemed to focus on how little they knew about sex, especially him. but then would use vocabulary someone that naive would never use, such as snatch. Another example is him wanting to fuck her from behind moments after being too shy to ask if he could taste her.

I actually loved the vocabulary and her dirty talk, it just doesn't fit with the naive characters you built in the beginning.

Congratulations on your first story

I'm glad that you chose Incest as the base for your story

I enjoy the love that is expressed in these types between siblings and cousins the most with whole family involvement next

I can see a 2nd chapter coming as you expand on their explorations and growing love

But you overused the word cunt. I mean WAY overused. Honestly, your writing style makes you seem almost as inexperienced as your characters. This also could've been a much better story if the characters had been fleshed out more (pardon the pun.) I didn't bother to vote yet, because I wanna see how the next chapter plays out.

Adam is one lucky guy, he has Elle's tight virgin snatch with lots of love. More please.

For a first story, I'd give it a 9 out of 10.Just try to picture the scene in your head and then paint that picture with words. Try not to overuse words and think back to YOUR first time. Remember how nervous, excited, unsure, and maybe even a little scared you were and use that as a guide. Nice job!

Yeah, the word cunt was over used. The word cunt has a place in stories. However, from my perspective it was over used. In another scenario, like one where a brother dominated his sister it would be ok. Keep up the good work.

I don't particularly like to comment on other's comments unless in a workshop setting as I don't like to come across as justifying my writing (one's writing either works or it doesn't and having to defend or justify means it isn't working, I won't pretend otherwise) but I am curious as to the comments re: cunt. Is cunt read as a violent or dominating word? It is the primary word I use to refer to my own vagina, so I'm just curious.

Don't worry about those cunts...or using the word cunt so much! You don't have to justify your writing. It's interesting that you are female and refer to your vagina as a cunt. My experience has been that women consider "cunt" to be a very vulgar word and would prefer to not hear it. Maybe that thought in men's minds is the source of the "over used word" comments. Anyway, your story got me hard and made want some cunt! Therefore it is a 5 star success! And I look forward to the continuing chapters!

This was a very nice first effort, even though it was a lot shorter than I usually like. There are a few logical inconsistencies and a few doubtful word choices, but they don't distract from the story. It is a good story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

However, you really ought to give us a decent justification for why they're sleeping together on a couch, especially since that seems to be the basic premise that gets them... umm... together.

Concerning the use of the word "cunt" (and some other "coarse" words): The issue probably isn't that an inexperienced brother-sister pair wouldn't use those words. In fact, the words are in common use by 18-year-olds of both sexes and of a wide variety of sexual experience. The issue is the reaction you want your readers to have; the use (either in dialogue or in narration, but especially in dialogue) of so-called "vulgarities" in the context of the interaction you are describing probably jars readers instead of eliciting reaction you want them to have.

She goes from virgin a cum slut inside of one fuck? Unbelievable Just my opinion. It took me a few screws to get that way. j/s

TBC.

Nice story... Hope to see the next part soon!

I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a fan of the word, except when using it to describe certain political figures, exes, and bad drivers (and yes, I use the word to describe both genders.) I was merely stating that it was overused to describe your (or whom ever) vagina. There are a great many other words that can be used to describe that most wonderful area of the female body.

Now, with that being said, if you choose for your characters dialogue to only use that word because they're too uninformed to use others, so be it. I was only suggesting that in the narrative, maybe some other words can be used, such as quim, gash, slit, channel, pussy, twat... you get the picture.

Tenderness, humor, lust, trust, and surprise at the end. Really, a very nice little story. For some of us, a lot closer to real than fiction.

I love your nom de plume.

Do you see yourself more as Electra or Iphigenia?

loved the way they fucked. I was hard the entire time

^^^

Plus slide/slid and lots more. Some attention to basic spelling and grammar could have made this a good read - instead, it's an annoying read. (Rule # 1: Don't annoy the reader)

Loved this. Tightly written, but filled my imagination easily.

So vivid with sparse description.