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Click here"Adam...I don't think you were supposed to do that..."
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 5 years agoLoved this. Tightly written, but filled my imagination easily.
So vivid with sparse description.
Anonymousover 7 years ago^^^
Plus slide/slid and lots more. Some attention to basic spelling and grammar could have made this a good read - instead, it's an annoying read. (Rule # 1: Don't annoy the reader)
Rapierwit24601over 7 years agoI love your nom de plume.
Do you see yourself more as Electra or Iphigenia?
Anonymousover 7 years agoTenderness, humor, lust, trust, and surprise at the end. Really, a very nice little story. For some of us, a lot closer to real than fiction.
WritingKnightover 7 years agoI'll be the first to admit that I'm not a fan of the word, except when using it to describe certain political figures, exes, and bad drivers (and yes, I use the word to describe both genders.) I was merely stating that it was overused to describe your (or whom ever) vagina. There are a great many other words that can be used to describe that most wonderful area of the female body.
Now, with that being said, if you choose for your characters dialogue to only use that word because they're too uninformed to use others, so be it. I was only suggesting that in the narrative, maybe some other words can be used, such as quim, gash, slit, channel, pussy, twat... you get the picture.
teddybearclubover 7 years agoShe goes from virgin a cum slut inside of one fuck? Unbelievable Just my opinion. It took me a few screws to get that way. j/s
TBC.
CarlusMagnusover 7 years agoThis was a very nice first effort, even though it was a lot shorter than I usually like. There are a few logical inconsistencies and a few doubtful word choices, but they don't distract from the story. It is a good story, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
However, you really ought to give us a decent justification for why they're sleeping together on a couch, especially since that seems to be the basic premise that gets them... umm... together.
Concerning the use of the word "cunt" (and some other "coarse" words): The issue probably isn't that an inexperienced brother-sister pair wouldn't use those words. In fact, the words are in common use by 18-year-olds of both sexes and of a wide variety of sexual experience. The issue is the reaction you want your readers to have; the use (either in dialogue or in narration, but especially in dialogue) of so-called "vulgarities" in the context of the interaction you are describing probably jars readers instead of eliciting reaction you want them to have.
Billeyedover 7 years agoDon't worry about those cunts...or using the word cunt so much! You don't have to justify your writing. It's interesting that you are female and refer to your vagina as a cunt. My experience has been that women consider "cunt" to be a very vulgar word and would prefer to not hear it. Maybe that thought in men's minds is the source of the "over used word" comments. Anyway, your story got me hard and made want some cunt! Therefore it is a 5 star success! And I look forward to the continuing chapters!
