All Comments on 'Chronicles of a Kajira Ch. 01'

Drop all the silly capped pronouns. T/there I/is N/no R/reason F/for T/hem. Stinted and overused third-person speech straight out of the so-called role play "lifestyle"? Ditto. This reads more like some silly and tired role play from online chat than any Norman-esque "chronicle" of gor.

Personally, I'd say just go back to role play.

I appreciate the descriptive prose and even the capped pronouns. They create an atmosphere that I like - very rich. However, there are many grammatical and spelling errors that break the flow.

I agree: the capped pronouns lend a sense of ritual to their speech. A weird world that I'm interested to see more of.

as a kajira i pareciate the formailty and the correctness of what you have written well done, i look forward to more of this story

... and not a sentient being. Oh, wait: "She knew she was nothing more than a beast" - what a contradiction!

I'll give you marks for the attempt, and for trying to capture some of the "flavor" and atmosphere of John Norman's books.

But, I have to say that you really didn't give the "true" mindset of a kajira here. At times she's acting too much like a free woman, less like a slave, and at times completely out of character for a woman who's supposedly been trained for "years" to be a kajira sold.

You need to go back and RESEARCH and RE-READ Norman's books, and, might I suggest you contact actual lifestyle participants to get a better grasp of how kajira act/talk/think. Mind this is all fantasy, but if you really, truly want to immerse your readers in this sort of universe it's best to really know the source you're attempting to draw from.

so sorry, perhaps I should have stated that this is a story of my Online gorean life, so yes...the character will show some human traits and at times act as a Free Woman; since these stories are taken from MY experiences with becoming Gorean.

But thank you so much for the feedback!

It has been to long since I have indulged in the gorean side of my character. I have always enjoyed the fire you describe in your kajira in my woman. I have no intention of extinguishing it. I look foreward to seeing how you develope the relationship between this master and slave. How far will he go in subduing his slave girl?

I am pleased with your effort girl.