All Comments on 'Cindy Ch. 01'

Deliciously twisted! I adored it and cannot wait to read more!

Wow. That was really bad. Awful, actually. Most of all the writing. Though, the story was crap, too.

First off, who's sister is Rhonda? His or Cindy? It's seems to change from one sentence to the next.

"showing her a bit of my dirty dancing but to no avail, her sister squeezed in between us..."

""God, what a try hard" my sister said as I walked passed her to take my position near the door.

"Fuck you sis" I said whacking her arse as I walked pass.

My sister just laughed at me as she carried on dancing.

The rest of the night I tried many times to corner cindy but everywhere she went, her sister wasnt to far behind, cutting off my chance to get her alone."

See what I mean? It continues throughout, as well. You have no clue who your characters are but we're supposed to?

Why is there a double space in between each sentence? Paragraphs are your friend. As is punctuation. I think question marks, especially, are pretty self explanatory, yeah? Proper nouns need to be capitalized. Always.

"more wetter" No.

"Powering pounding" No, again.

"I know I should of felt guilty but I didnt." Should have, not should of.

There are too many mistakes to just ignore it. (Notice how I used too and to?) It may have helped if the story was even slightly entertaining or the sex was hot. No, to both of those.

The kicker had to be "cuntial passage", though.

Really?

smh

...but I do.

Not just because of the innovative approach to grammar and spelling and, you know, meaning. But also because of something else that doesn't seem to get commented on much here: the crudity of the wish-fulfilment determining narrative and character. That prom queen is sort-of reluctant, but it is unclear why she is only 'sort-of' reluctant, rather than, you know, actively opposed. Then she isn't really reluctant any more at all. Not sure why. Unless it is supposed to be her excited response to him being, as guys usually are in such stories, 'too big', or something.

OK, I have a thing about badly written nonconsent stories which have the subject of sexual assault so very conveniently becoming enthusiastic participants as soon as they get a little wet, or discover their inner sub, or something.

Not because I am against nonconsent fantasies and stories. I just read one, obviously, and not because I wanted an excuse to condemn nonconsent fantasies and stories.

I know some people think the 'overcoming reluctance' theme makes a 'nonconsent' story less, I don't know, 'offensive'?

It is why there is an endless flood of Ashson stories in which girls are raped but always end up participating, cumming, loving it, so that's ok.

The idea of this conversion from 'reluctance' to consent being a good 'see? not really rape' alibi is as dumb as the trope of "she's wet, so she is a slut and really loves it!" when it seems the author actually thinks that makes some kind of sense.

I don't think fantasies really need alibis. But if you DO think nonconsent fantasies are bad, does anyone think they really become LESS problematic when they exactly mirror the assumptions and defences used by actual real-world rapists trying to justify themselves to themselves or in the legal process? Because reluctance-converted-to-participation, wet-so-slut-so-all-ok, loved it in the end, and deep down wanted it all along themes, as often deployed in wannabe-not-really-rape stories, fit right in to that terrain.

For me, those underlying attitudes are far worse, and more annoying, than straight nonconsent. When badly written, as here, they become a kind of crude jotting down of wishes, a stream of consciousness of adolescent ideas about women and sex at their least appealing.

rape is rape.