All Comments on 'City of Angels, Round 01'

and well writen - welcome - very nice first effort. Try to keep the respect for your characters and we'll do the same.

Thanks "Author"

Your story is very well written with vivid descriptions and excellant verb usage. Please don't wait too long for the second round!

quite above the norm.

superior writing, use of imagery, and an excellent conveyance of the rawness of the moment.

steady pacing, although the start was ordinary, the quality of the writing was enough to keep me reading. the end of the scene seemed a little rushed, though that does happen with us all when writing sex scenes, but still maintained immense erotic appeal.

one controversial thing i might raise - the mention of her weight. you did quite well in neglecting to mention the double D breasts and 20 inch waist - the mention of how much she weighed, however, made me raise my eyebrows slightly. while opinions will certainly vary, (some preferring an absolutely accurate, clinical description) it is also quite possible to describe her figure without resorting to weighing her like a spring chicken.

in all, i shall continue to read you.

keep writing, i gave you a five.

A few clumsy lines and unnecessary words in your descriptors, but overall this is very well written and is a great entry piece. Very literate and quite well done.

Very good. Descriptive and not overly long. Keep up the good work.