City of Angels

He pulled up to Craig's and as he walked towards him, Evan realized it was the first time he was seeing him in the full light of day. And damn was it nice. He looked like the chosen child of Los Angeles in a bright yellow shirt and tight jeans, with his blond hair and turquoise eyes catching the sun. He looked happy and rested.

He thought it might have been awkward, but they both smiled into each other's eyes at the same time, almost with a little smirk.

"You ready?" Evan said.

"You gonna show me how to get on this thing?" said Craig, as he put on sunglasses and helmet.

"Just hop on."

Craig got behind him, straddling his legs wide and nudging forward tightly against Evan's ass.

"You all set? Got your feet up?"

Evan reached back and helped him get his boots in the straps, and adjusted his warm hands around his waist.

"Let's roll."

It was a glorious ride up the 101, hugging the coastline the whole way. Once they got past the city limits, the shoreline on the left gave way to steep, dramatic cliffs, while the water changed to a deep, rich sapphire. Houses and other signs of civilization vanished one by one until it was nothing but speed, sky and sun accompanying them on their ride. Sitting behind Evan Craig felt all his worries, his whole life, drop away in the pure enjoyment of hugging Evan's vibrating body and letting him take him away, farther and faster. He laughed into the wind, and shouted "This is fantastic!" at the top of his lungs. Evan yelled back, "I told you!" At the few stop lights, Evan leaned back into Craig's arms and gently pushed his ass into his crotch. At times he knew they were both hard; he could feel Craig behind him, swelling up and pushing towards him.

They finally pulled into the parking lot of a beach in Santa Barbara an hour or so later, laughing and breathing hard as they got shakily onto solid ground, their bodies still vibrating.

"That was fucking amazing!"

"You liked? This is probably my favorite trip. Man, there's nothing like it," Evan said, catching his breath. He didn't even glance around over his shoulder as he reached for Craig and pulled him close. Neither did Craig as he leaned in and kissed Evan on the neck. They were in a little park area with picnicking families, but they didn't care. They pulled back and looked into each other's eyes with a serious expression, the wild exhilaration of the road turning into sudden intimacy.

"Will you come back to my place later?" Craig asked, pushing his body forward.

Evan flashed a warm smile and nodded. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Yeah, I was kinda hoping that. You know . . ."

"What?" said Craig.

"Nothing, it's . . . good to see you smile. You have a great smile."

Craig actually blushed. Goddamn he was adorable.

"Does that embarrass you?" Evan asked, ducking his head to find Craig's eyes.

"No . . it's just not usual that . . ."

"What? Tell me," said Evan.

"Well, that a great fuck turns into . . . this."

"No? What's 'this'?"

"An awesome fucking ride?" laughed Craig, avoiding the question.

"Well maybe I'm curious about what 'this' is. Kinda why I wanted to get you up here."

"Yeah?" said Craig, happy to hear him say it.

"Yes. Let's go. I want to show you the beach I like. I brought some stuff, let me get it here. . ." He leaned over to grab his pack and Craig watched him, absolutely smitten with the way he'd obviously planned their day.

"Show the way," he said. "I'm all yours."

They headed down to the beach. It was late in the summer so the water was still warm. They'd both worn suits under their jeans so they stripped off and headed in.

"Oh, fuck, this is perfect!" Craig shouted, ducking his head under. "Can't remember the last time I got in the ocean just for the hell of it."

"Yeah, this is a great beach."

They swam and laughed and played in the water for a while.

"So how'd you find this place?" Craig yelled.

"Just taking one of my rides. Me and my ex used to come here a lot."

"Oh, are we talking ex's already?" Craig said, wrestling Evan into a big wave. "On such a gorgeous day?"

"You asked," Evan said, floating on his back and treading water and soaking up the warm sun.

"All right," Craig responded, "Let me guess."

"Go for it."

"Her name was Beth, and you met her in the Police Academy. You were both training at the same time. She was 'cute,' athletic. You first noticed her on a run or in the gym."

Evan shot him a glance. "Obstacle course. And her name was Amy. But other than that you got it about right."

Evan laughed, but the fact was he felt deep shame roiling in his stomach.

"You got along. Both on the same career path. You had nice, pleasant sex. Never fought."

"Right again."

Craig floated closer to him in the water. "But then she wanted to get married. She was pushing you to make a commitment. You didn't know why, but you just didn't want to. You wanted something else, something different."

Evan was definitely feeling shame now—shame, instead of that feeling of being watched. It was like Craig was the voice of his conscience speaking to him on the outside, in human form. He felt extremely stupid.

"Am I that big of a cliché?" he said, shooting Craig a hurt, angry look. How had this happened so quickly? What was happening? Yes, he was here . . . yes, he was interested . . . but how had it moved so quickly from a kiss to this? Evan had a brief flash of insight into his own mind. He realized his consciousness had only grasped a very small part of the current connecting him to Craig. He knew it had a name—"being gay"—but that was nothing compared to the vast power surrounding them, within which he was just a tiny object. It was obvious Craig was much more comfortable and experienced in these waters.

"Hey, I'm sorry," Craig said immediately. "No, no . . . hey . . ."

He swam after Evan, who was heading back onto the shore.

"Would you come back here?" he demanded.

"It's time to get out anyway," Evan grumbled, toweling himself off.

Craig stood dripping in front of him. "Would you talk to me?"

"Look, I think this was a mistake. I don't think I'm what you're looking for. I don't know anything about this. I'm not . . . Jason Jones, I'm just--"

"Perfect," Craig finished for him. "You're perfect."

"No, I'm not. I don't know anything about you, your world."

"My 'world'? Well I hate to tell you this, but I think it's your world, too."

"No it's not. I don't know anything about it!"

Craig laughed outright. "Oh, you do."

"What do you mean?" said Evan angrily.

"No one can have sex like you do and not be part of this 'world.' Trust me, I know."

That shut Evan up.

"You liked it?" he asked.

"Yes, liked it. I fucking loved it."

"I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know why I say what I say . . . or . . . be that way."

Craig stood closer and leaned in and kissed him. "I love what you 'say' and how you 'are.' Fuck I love it. So would you calm down?"

"Yeah," Evan whispered. "Ok."

They stretched out on their towels, Craig in his back with his shades on and Evan on his side, looking at him, propped up on one elbow.

"Fuck this feels good. Mmmm," Craig moaned, getting comfortable in the hot sun. Evan smiled. What a diva. He knew Craig was well aware of how hot he was. He watched him stretch out, one leg slightly spread, his arms comfortably behind his head. Evan gazed at the sunlight glinting off his nipples and drying the drops of salty water on his skin and had to stop himself from licking it off.

"So you've been with guys like me before?" he asked him.

"Yes. A lot."

Evan could believe it. Not only was he gorgeous, he was just so . . . alluringly gay. In a way that made Evan want to be, too.

"I don't know," Craig said, stretching luxuriously. "I've been a lot of guys' first experience. I seem to attract it."

"And it doesn't—turn you off?"

Craig looked at him like he was crazy. "Uhhhhhh, no." He laughed. "No. Just the opposite."

"I never had any idea . . ." Evan felt so fucking stupid saying it. And ashamed and embarrassed.

"No? Seriously?"

"No. How could that be? I mean . . . I'm ok with it . . . never had issues with gay guys. . . never a problem. So how could this never have happened before?"

"Does it matter? You're here now, aren't you?"

"Yes. I am," Evan said, looking at him.

He continued, "My dad's pretty homophobic."

"Huh. Maybe that has something to do with it," Craig mused.

"With what?"

"With why you're not out."

"How so?"

"I'm not sure. Just a thought. That's one thing about my old man."

"What? He knows?"

"Sure. It's the one thing he does get about me."

"Oh wait, he's not gay is he?"

Craig scoffed. "Noooooo. As fucking straight as they come."

"Then how—?"

"He's a very sexual guy. It's the one thing he understands about people. The ONE thing."

"How did you tell him?"

"I didn't. I just starting bringing boys home. It was never a big deal."

Evan found this utterly fascinating and exotic. Intoxicating, really. Never in a million years could he imagine such a thing.

"When did you have your first boyfriend?"

"Well I wouldn't call it a 'boyfriend' . . . it was in prep school. We were all fucking and sucking each other."

Evan felt his jaw literally drop. "What?! You mean those guys from the party?"

"Some of them, sure. In the showers, at home. It wasn't a big deal."

"So you've always . . . known."

"Yep. Never been with a woman. Never wanted to. Can't see that ever happening."

"So why are you alone now?"

"Oh . . . I guess you could say I have issues," he said evasively.

"'Issues?'"

"Everyone in LA has 'issues.' You want to get into the 'issues' talk today, too?"

"Uh . . ." Evan had very little idea what he was talking about.

Craig turned to face him, also curling up on one elbow.

"Sooo . . . you've never known . . . I'm seriously your first? That's fascinating."

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is. I can't imagine."

"Well what about you? Prep school? That's fascinating."

Craig shrugged. "It's just sex."

"Yes, but . . ." Evan found it hard to articulate what he wanted to say. "It isn't to me."

"Yes," said Craig, gazing at him. "I know."

They got quiet for a minute, staring at each other.

Evan asked Craig, "What about for you? What is 'this' for you? Is it just sex?"

Craig looked into his dark eyes. They were so utterly honest, open, pure and transparent. He'd seen that look before, on many guys' faces, especially new guys like Evan. It was the look of someone who had never been deeply hurt, who'd never had their heart broken. On the one hand, he wanted to melt into it. Give into it immediately. Give himself to him. On the other, he wanted to run from it, as far away as possible. He didn't feel worthy of that adoration.

"No," said Craig honestly. "No, it's not. I thought it might have been, at first, but . . . Jesus, Evan—"

"Yeah?"

He whispered. "I'm not what you think. I'm pretty fucked up. I mean I think you saw. . ."

"Yeah, so? It's why I like you. One reason."

"Are you crazy? Because I am. Just ask my sister."

"You fascinate me. Everything about you. Your life. Your 'issues.' I want to know. I want to know everything."

Craig looked at him. "Why?" he asked, genuinely puzzled.

"It's different. So different from me. I feel like I was born on another planet. Closed, conservative. No one has issues. I'm so boring. I want to know . . . I don't think I've ever really been in love. You have."

"I like 'boring.'"

"What do you mean?"

"I bet you come from one of those families . . . holidays, barbecues . . . "

Evan rolled his eyes. "Yes, sort of."

"Let me guess, your dad was a cop, too."

"Captain."

"Well I find that fascinating. I wish I had had that. You have no idea."

Evan suddenly pushed himself up on his hands and got above Craig. He was hard, overcome by sudden lust. "Well maybe I'm just what you're looking for."

Craig reached up and caressed his face. "That would be nice, wouldn't it? But I thought you said you weren't? That this was a mistake?"

Evan brushed it off. "Let me play the guessing game now."

"Shoot."

"Craig Symons, poor little rich boy. Hung up on his father. Dad is sexy and charismatic and powerful, but never around. Too busy fucking women. Emotionally abandons his children; throws money at them instead."

"All right, keep going."

Evan moved in closer and spoke quietly. "Sex is easy for him, but love is not. He's never been in a stable relationship. He craves a strong man in his life, but always chases after replacement fathers who end up abandoning him."

"Too easy."

Evan whispered against his shoulder. "I like that about you."

Craig pulled back abruptly to stare at him as if to say "What are you, fucking nuts?"

"I love it. It's beautiful. It's hot. It's so . . . gay." In the most beautiful way, Evan thought. He was in love with it. He was in love with Craig's homosexuality. Nothing could possibly be wrong with any of it.

"It's fucking twisted."

"No, it's not. Only the guys you choose are twisted. There's nothing twisted about what you want."

Craig leaned closer to him. He felt his heart doing back flips and the world starting to spin around him, as it did when he was beginning to fall in love.

"Thanks for taking me up here today."

"Oh, we're not done yet. There's this great little Mexican restaurant I know—"

Craig impulsively kissed him.

He whispered. "Let's go back . . . Do you mind?"

"What about the rest of the day?"

"Fuck it. I want to go home. Take me home and . . . be with me. Will you?"

Evan knew exactly what he was asking for, and he wanted it just as much, though he felt a surge of nerves clutch at his back, into his thighs and hips and a fluttering of fear in his stomach.

He stared at Craig. "Yeah, let's go back."

+++

Evan was so hard and turned on driving back he thought the vibrating power of the bike was going to make him orgasm on the road. He drove as fast as he possibly could, as if he was scared his courage would somehow magically evaporate before he got Craig home, alone and in his bed.

Among many reasons why Craig was so amazing, was the effect he had on him. Evan never knew what he was going to say, didn't even know what he had in his mind before he spoke. He felt like every moment he was with him he was being born, a new person, full of a wisdom he had no idea he had. He flew on his bike, as eager to meet this new Evan as Craig was, afraid if he didn't go fast enough to meet him he'd just tumble into a void. Or worse, back into that stifling sense of dissatisfaction. Anything but that.

Huge white cumulus clouds filled the sky. He was racing towards the sun with an angel. He didn't want to look back and find he'd disappeared.

+++

As soon as they got into Craig's bedroom, Evan gently pushed him on the bed and got on top of him. His hand found his neck, lightly holding it and tracing his jaw. He held his face as he looked into his eyes.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting a Daddy."

Craig winced, embarrassed.

"I so want to fuckin' be that for you. Will you let me? Will you let me take care of you?"

Craig felt himself melting, opening up, wanting to give in to terrible needs that he couldn't seem to control, once he let them out.

"Are you just saying that? You don't know me, really, Evan. You don't know."

Evan grabbed him more firmly by the jaw. "Look at me. Yes, I do."

Evan spoke. "Do you think I understand what's going on here? I don't. I'm not as experienced as you. I'm not 'in the club.' But I know how you make me feel. I know how I respond. I know you because of what you evoke in me."

Craig could only gaze at him, unable to speak, but he wrapped his legs around Evan's on top of him, drawing him closer.

"Tell me what you want," Evan whispered. "Tell me why you wanted me to bring you back here."

Evan took his arms and brought them over his head and pinned them there. They were poised in a tense configuration, looking into each other's eyes, Evan pinning his arms and Craig beneath using his legs to keep Evan close.

"Tell me, Craig."

Craig stared deeply into his eyes. "I want you to fuck me . . . please, Evan . . ." he whispered.

"Yeah," Evan breathed, stroking Craig's hair, his cheeks, looking at him tenderly. "You do."

"Come here." He pulled Craig up off the bed and they got into his luxurious master bath. It was dark and sexy, with black tiles and a huge, glass-enclosed shower. Craig leaned back on the expensive marble sink, still dressed, waiting for Evan to touch him. He was reminded of the first night they met, leaning back on his Porsche, transfixed by the sight of Evan in his uniform, and the strangely sweet manner in which he'd cuffed him.

Evan's dark eyes locked into Craig's blue ones as he approached. Every moment, every step towards him felt like he was sloughing off an old self, a persona he no longer wanted, and stepping into a new one.

He felt confidence coursing through him—a fountain of confidence and pride pushing up from his cock, into his whole body. He felt like a god who could do no wrong.

He stepped towards Craig, planting himself firmly between his spread thighs, his hips and cock jutted forward. Craig's hands gently slid to his waist and stayed there as Evan took his face in his hands and kissed him, hard and forcefully and possessively. He wrapped one arm around his head and bent him back, owning him, making him his, forcing his mouth open and ravaging it with his tongue. He breathed deeply into his neck, loving the taste and smell, and licking his skin as his hands began to roam over his chest and back. They fell into passionate kissing as Evan clutched Craig tightly to him, squeezing and pressing and fondling his beautiful shoulders and back, his flesh becoming more familiar to him by the second. He inhaled his smells, memorizing his body with his hands, knowing he was going to be with this body for a long time.

"Evan," Craig whispered into his neck, holding him and loving his solidity and strength. He didn't want him to ever leave.

Evan pulled back, grasping Craig's hair, looking at him. "How could anyone ever give you up? They're fuckin' nuts."

"Stay with me. Be with me. Please," Craig whispered.

"I'm not going anywhere, are you kidding?"

Desperately wanting to get closer to him, Evan pulled at his clothes, needing his warm body, wanting to undress him. He pulled his shirt over his head, kissing him again once he got it off. He couldn't stop caressing his skin.

"Is this normal?" asked Evan, stroking his neck, shoulders, and face. "Does this happen to you all the time?" They really didn't know each other that well.

Craig shook his head. No, this was different. He'd been with a lot of men. But rarely was this kind of intimacy and tenderness, this perfect lust, there right from the beginning.

"Not even with 'new guys?'"

"No," Craig said, holding onto his forearms. "I don't get it, either. But . . . don't question it . . ." he murmured, kissing him, and reaching for his belt. "Just go with it . . ."

"Oh fuck, yes," Evan gasped, as Craig found his cock and stroked it, rubbing it from the outside of his jeans, cupping his balls and feeling his mound pressing obscenely through his clothes.

"Mmmm," Evan moaned a deep growl in his throat. He frantically unzipped his pants, pushing them down, and thrust his cock towards Craig's skillful hand. "Oh fuck you turn me on!" He reached for Craig, finding his dick and moaning as he rubbed him at the same time, kissing him deeply as they aroused each other, their hands actively working each other's dicks outside their briefs, knowing exactly what to do. Evan felt his lust gaining, growing and directing itself towards Craig's sweet body. He hurriedly stepped out of his jeans, kicked off his underwear and freed Craig from his. They immediately embraced, kissing as their cocks naturally pushed and pressed and rubbed together.