All Comments on 'Cleaner Christmas'

I enjoyed reading your story. Easily worth 5 stars.

This was a great story. I wish I knew a real Lady Agnes.

Thank you for this!

What a nice warm story.

I wish more people would care for their friends that way. The world would surely be a better place.

a delightful story in which sex was intrusive. Interesting read with the story unfolding fast and a cast of some good people. Highly satisfactory

I like your writing very much.

On a different note, are you really so tall?

For only Og king of Bashan remained of the remnant of giants; behold his bedstead was a bedstead of iron;...nine cubits was the length thereof, and four cubits the breadth of it

I enjoyed this story emensly but I think it was rushed and would have been more complete if it was broken in to several parts. But is still a 5 star story the way it is

Charming story... almost saccharine but quite enjoyable.

Minor nit: a mention of DVDs during a time of shillings.

I can see Dame Maggie Smith as Lady Agnes.

I agree that it was a bit saccharine, and the dialogue needs some pizzazz here and there; the poetics of it is lost, sometimes, in a tad too much redundance that no poet would allow....

But all in all, a solid story, well told. Bravo!

I enjoyed the story, but there were times when I got a bit lost, due to the UK terminology.

Nice story, but you had a small mistake. The action happens in late 60's (first page), but when Angela and John talk about the fight over the movie, they have it on DVD (30 years difference)

Thank you to those who noticed the DVD. It will be edited out after the contest ends. She will have seen a repeat on TV.

oggbashan

SOME BAD, many good point,

good story.............

Loved the story. Well put together. However the writing felt a bit rushed at times, but maybe that's just me.

This is a really cute story, but maybe a little long.

...but timeline continuity was weird. You know about the DVD (wow that really took me right out of the story) but also: no way would Angela have shaved her pubes. I'm not even sure the word pussy was in vogue, but am positive that in the age of bra-burning there were no bald pussies. John seems extremely inexperienced yet calls his new girlfriend's (they'd been a couple five minutes and were having sex when he seemed to have never given oral before?!?) womanhood a pussy? Doubt that.

Too bad, because overall it was a great story. If you're writing a period piece, you need to write about what was happening THEN -- she'd have had a bush, he would've been shocked as hell if their first time involved her blowing him, and there were no DVDs -- nor were there movies on tv that were less than 10 years old. So don't "correct" that mistake with another.

I regret that you didn't allow for differences between US and UK usage. The word 'pussy' for the female parts has been in use in the UK since the 17th Century (Dictionary of Historical Slang) and was certainly current in London in the 1960s.

Shaved pudenda came with very short miniskirts, also in London in the 1960s, because hairy ones could sometimes be seen through tights/pantyhose particularly if the hairs extended beyond the panties.

There was some initial concern when meeting the first shaved pussies, because before the 1960s the usual reason for having that area shaved was to deal with pubic lice. Yuck!

How do I know? I was active in London in the 1960s as a Lit-legal aged adult in Soho, Chelsea and Belgravia. Many of the young ladies I met and went out with at the time wore very short mini-skirts that might just cover their crotch when standing but exposed the crotch when sitting. Pantyhose and reasonably full panties protected their modesty.

If and when I took a young lady out for the day by car and we visited places beyond London, her miniskirt attracted considerable attention because the current very short London length hadn't reached even 25 miles outside London.

Now the 2013 Winter Holiday Contest has ended, I have edited this story to take out the anachronism - the DVD. Apologies for missing that when I edited the story before submitting it.

But it's too much too soon. Try breaking it into a series of say 3-4 parts

The outline is great. Even though it all happens in a few days it will make a good read with more happening through the dialog than the narration. In first person action if you get my meaning.

The sex scenes are not needed maybe a few teasers IF you want, a first time/ heavy make-out scene with David and Monica and say another romantic one with Alex and Mary. But that's about it, the real meat here is the story itself. Let it evolve oggbashan.

Of course you don't need to do any of these :D :D. But a girl can hope can't she.

Esbee

PS: And I wish real life was as good when things go bad. But I love happily ever afters

present it however you wish. I cannot put any value on remarks made by a person who does not identify themselves, neither should you

As I remember " the old Pounds Shillings and Pence " you made me feel old. But still enjoyed the story, thanks.

Great story

Another damned good tale.

Thank you

HP

One day, I'll be better. . . .

Thank You

HP

So very, very well done. Your stories are deeply appreciated. Thank you so much.

LWlurker