All Comments on 'Closed Down Ch. 01'

It's just my opinion but I think you should hold off on posting until there is more content. This was hardly a prologue let alone a chapter. There really isn't enough content to give a score...

SO FAR THIS STORY DOESNT SEEM TO HAVE PURPOSE, AIM OR MEANING. ITS HARD TO SUBMIT 1 STORY, BUT, TO HAVE 2 IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT. YOU DO HAVE TALENT...GOOD LUCK. TK U MLJ LV NV

I can see the potential for this story, but so far it's lacking direction and after already reading another 1st chapter from you, it might be an idea to concentrate on one story at a time, also editing, made it a little difficult to read. I've never heard of a house 'for buy', to me 'for sale' sounds better. Also to have an ungodly good looking man or Greek God in each story is predictable, just because it's a romance doesn't mean a man has to be perfect and the way I see it going in both stories is that these men are going to be perfect in every way and to be honest that's just boring. I hope that you at least give them some sort of other imperfections.

i can kinda see where you are heading with this, you wanted us the readers to get a sense of who carla was and what she has bared witness and experienced to get her to where she is at the moment, which is as from what i can sense is someone who lacked love in there life so she wants someone but then she doesnt at the same time cause she feels itll be to much for her already crazy life. but anyway hope to read more from you soon. keep up the brilliant work.

I think that this has potential and look forward to reading more.

The plot, from what little of it there was, seems interesting enough, but the whole thing is awkwardly worded and feels a bit jumbled. You might want to include more description - what is the house like? Is the family middle class? Lower class? What does/did the parents do for work? How old are the characters? What is the town they live in like? Where is that town located? What time of year is it? It's important to keep in mind that most colleges have an overabundance of students trying to get into their dorms. While this is fiction, if your character didn't move in at the start of a semester, it's unlikely she would find one empty. Freshman, and usually sophomores, almost never get rooms to themselves, and if it's winter semester, the chances of finding an unoccupied room go down drastically. Finally, there's no way a university of any quality would allow a male and a female to room together, unless maybe if they were married. Possibly, they might have a suite, with separate bedrooms and a shared bathroom and/or common living space. But keep writing! Good luck!

I love the direction your going with the plot! It kept me interested and i found myself immediately routing for the main character, Carla, hoping that things would turn positive for her. I can't wait to see what happens next! Keep writing and stay awesome!

Thanks for the opening warning; that did help.

But what's with the guy with hair halfway down his back?! Who does that sort of thing, these days?!

Moving to #02, now.

Really liking how this story is going. Look forward to reading more!