Cold River

"Anyway, once I got my feet on the ground here, I found myself unable to stop wondering who this child was. The clinic didn't tell me if it was a boy or girl, only that the mother was interested in contacting me. So as my curiosity grew, I decided to do a little checking and found out who you are and where you live."

"And then you decided to sit outside our house and scare the hell out of me," Sutton added.

"If I did, I apologize. Sincerely. That was never my intent. I just wanted to know who you were and who my...sorry, who the baby is. When I first saw the two of you, I could tell it was a little girl and as crazy as this sounds, I sat there feeling like I'd done some kind of great thing, you know? I'd...I'd...helped create a life. But not some distant, impersonal life. This was one I could actually see. A sweet, beautiful little girl who, if I may say, seems to have my eyes."

Sutton's hard exterior softened a bit as she agreed.

"Yes, I noticed that," she told him finally noticing also that Agent Brady Thomas was a very attractive young man. "And thank you for saying she's beautiful."

"She is," Agent Thomas told her. "And if I may say so, so is her mother."

"Me? Please!" Sutton said.

"I was a Boy Scout growing up, Ms. Davis, and I always tell the truth."

He held up three fingers then said, "Scout's honor."

Sutton laughed for the first time then said, "Would you like to hold her?"

He sat up straight and the look on his face said it all.

"Really?" he asked as she carried Brianna over to him.

"Of course," she said.

"Brianna? This man is your father. Agent Thomas, this is your daughter, Brianna Joy Ferguson. My maiden name. I couldn't stand the thought of my daughter having my ex-husband's last name. Sorry, that's of no interest to you, I'm sure."

The younger man was beaming as he took her and ignored her mother's comment.

"Well, hello there, Brianna! Aren't you just the prettiest little girl ever!" he said as she cooed and gurgled for him.

Brianna obviously couldn't talk yet, so Agent Thomas answered his own question.

"Yes, you are!" he told her the way adults talk to babies. "You are such a pretty little girl!"

Brianna smiled her sweet smile and Agent Thomas smiled right back.

"She's...perfect," he said to Sutton without taking his eyes off of Brianna.

"You won't get any argument from me," Sutton said as she now smiled brightly.

She sat there and watched him play with her daughter for a minute or so before he said, "I could sit here and play with her all day, but I'm sure you have better things to do with your time."

He handed Brianna back to her mother then said, "I should let you get back to your lives. I just couldn't not come and introduce myself any longer."

"I'm so glad you did, Agent Thomas," Sutton said as he stood up.

"Please call me Brady, would you?" he asked.

"Of course. And my name is Sutton."

She smiled then said, "But you already knew that."

"I kinda did, but if that was an invitation to address you by your first name, then I accept," he told her as he smiled back.

"It was," Sutton assured him as she walked him to the door.

"Well, again, thank you for letting come in and again, my sincerest apologies for scaring you. That was never my intent. I just wasn't sure how to go about doing this and...."

"No. It's fine. Really," Sutton let him know.

"I'm glad," he told her. "It was a real pleasure meeting you...Sutton."

"Oh, you too, Brady," she said. "Did you maybe want to hold Brianna again?"

"Yes, but it's already going to be hard enough to walk away from her. If I hold her again, it'll just make things worse," he said as he gently touched Brianna's chubby little cheek.

"Oh, okay. I...I understand," she told him.

"Well...goodbye," Brady said.

"I'm glad you stopped by, Brady. I've wanted to know who Brianna's father was for so long and I'd given up hope of ever finding out let alone meeting him."

"It was my pleasure, Sutton," he told her as he opened the door.

"Brady?" Sutton said very quickly.

"Yes?"

"Oh, nothing. Sorry. Just...thank you."

"You, too," he said with a smile before walking away.

She stood there and watched him drive away wondering if she or her daughter would ever see him again.

"Your daddy is a very handsome man," Sutton said to her baby. "He's way too young for Mommy, but he is easy on the eyes."

She smiled at Brianna then said, "I'm so glad you have no idea what I'm saying," before taking her daughter back inside.

It took a while to get her bearings, and when she did, she realized she owed her mom a phone call.

"Mom? Guess who just showed up at the house?" Sutton told her as soon as her mom said 'hello'.

"That's...unbelievable," Ida said when her daughter finished explaining what happened.

"No kidding. At least we don't have to worry about some creep stalking us, right?" Sutton told her mom.

"Wow. That's just...unbelievable," Ida repeated.

"It was really bittersweet, you know?"

"I'd imagine so. He's the father of your child and he cared enough to introduce himself, but he knows it would be wrong to interfere in your lives. I think that takes a special kind of courage," her mom told her.

"Yes. Yes, it does," Sutton said as the impact of Brady's brief visit really hit her.

"Did you get any pictures? For Brianna," her mom asked.

"I didn't even think to ask," Sutton told her. "I'm not sure he'd have agreed, but now I really wish I'd asked. Even just one, you know?"

"It can't be all that hard to track down an FBI agent who works in the local area," Ida reminded her daughter.

"No. I guess it wouldn't be," Sutton agreed as she wondered if he'd let her have one or if it was even the right thing to do. He deserved his privacy, and Sutton would respect it. But she knew the day would come when she'd want to know who her father was, and if she just had a picture of him she could show her....

"Why don't you call him, honey?" Ida asked.

"I...I don't have his number, Mom," Sutton said realizing that sounded weak.

"Oh, right. Gee, if only one could, I don't know, dial information and ask or go on the internet and find a number," her mom teased.

"Okay, okay. So that was lame. I admit it."

"Sutton? May I ask you a question?" her mom said after chuckling politely.

Her mom only asked that before saying something she knew was butting in.

"I know I can't stop you so go ahead, Mom."

"Well, you said he was handsome. I'm assuming he's still single. Are you by any chance attracted to him?"

"I thought you were going to ask me why I didn't ask him to stay for dinner. You actually surprised me for once, Mother Buttinski," she said playfully.

"Your attempt at humor aside, it's not like you have a long line of suitors outside your door. And you're not getting any younger, dear."

"Oh, okay. That's enough. It's time to turn into Mother Buttoutski, okay?"

"Okay. Fine. I'll butt out, but if you like this young man, well, he is Brianna's father, so how could it hurt to...."

"Mom? You're not butting out," Sutton reminded her.

"All right! Excuse me for caring," Ida said as though her feelings had been hurt. "But at least ask him about the photo, okay?"

"I love you, Mom!" Sutton said in that way that let her mother know she'd had enough.

"You can be so stubborn sometimes. Just like your father!" Ida said.

"I'm taking that as a compliment," Sutton informed her mother.

"Ha! I love you too, honey. And give Brianna the biggest hug from her grandmother, okay?"

"Will do, Mom. And I really do love you."

"I know," her mom said. "And right back at you."

Sutton sat there for quite some time thinking back and recounting the entire conversation from the knock on the door until Brady left. If only he were a few years older or if she could somehow go back in time. But then she might not have Brianna and nothing was worth that. But how could it possibly hurt to ask about one simple pic to show her...no, their...daughter one day?"

It took her three more days to convince herself to call, and even then she left the number to the FBI field office on her coffee table for several hours before finally dialing the number around three in the afternoon.

It took several minutes to finally get to Brady after being put on hold twice and transferred three times.

"No wonder people blanche at the term 'government efficiency'," she said quietly after the final transfer.

"Special Agent Thomas," she heard him say making her wonder why she bother explaining who she was all three times.

"Brady? Hi! It's Sutton. Sutton Davis."

"Oh, Sutton Davis," he said playfully. "I was thinking it was one of the many other Suttons I know."

Sutton made an 'ugh' sound then tried again.

"I hope I'm not interrupting or anything."

"Oh, no. I was just getting ready to put the cuffs on the Idaho mafia boss, but no big deal," he said, clearly teasing again.

Sutton made another similar sound then took a third stab at it.

"I know you expressed concerns about, you know, getting attached to Brianna. I respect your decision, and I'm not calling to try and change your mind," she said.

His tone of voice changed as he said, "I'm glad you called, Sutton. No matter what the reason is."

His comment surprised her to the point she momentarily forgot why she was calling.

"Oh. Um...thank you. I...I was calling because well, I was thinking, it might be nice to, you know, have a picture of you. For Brianna. Down the road. Someday. When she's older."

She felt like she was stuttering and that alone was embarrassing. Then there was whatever it was she was feeling from just talking to him that made her feel downright silly.

"And here I was thinking maybe you were calling because you wanted to ask me out. Oh, well. You win a few, you lose a few, right?" he said with the playfulness back in voice.

Sutton was sure he was only kidding but not completely sure. Rather than embarrass herself even more she only said, "No. Of course not. You made that pretty clear."

After she said those words, she realized they sounded pretty bad, too. It was as though she'd been planning to ask him out but had just been shot down and was now trying to downplay it.

"Actually, I only said I was concerned about getting attached to Brianna," he said correcting her with that same polite kind of kidding.

"Yes. Of course," Sutton said now wondering if she should quit while she was only way behind.

"I think the picture thing is a great idea. In fact...."

She could hear the sound of a desk being rifled through before he continued.

"Ah. Here it is. I have a copy of my official FBI photograph. Cheap suit and all. I could put that in the mail and send it to you."

This time she couldn't tell how serious he was.

"Oh. Well, that...that seems very reasonable," she managed to say.

"I'm only kidding, Sutton. I like talking with you, and I was just trying to be friendly."

Now feeling ridiculous she told him, "I'm normally so good at getting sarcasm. I have no idea why I missed it with you."

Then again, she was pretty sure why she'd missed it as she had to admit she was very much hoping to see him again.

"I'll be back in Cold River next week. I could stop by while I'm in town if that works for you," he said in a very pleasant-but-serious tone.

"Yes. That works just fine for me. I'll...I'll look forward to that," Sutton said trying not to sound overly excited.

"Sutton? Would you maybe like to exchange phone numbers? You know, so I could call first?"

"Sure. That...that makes sense," she said not bothering to think he almost certainly had her number along with her name, address, and who knew what else.

He gave her his number then she provided hers.

"Great. I'll call you before I head into town and we can work something out," he suggested.

"That sounds great, Brady. I'll be happy to hear from you. And to see you again."

She added the last part on very quickly then felt silly again when there was no reason to say it if she was just being friendly. Which she was. It just wasn't the only thing she was being or feeling or thinking or...whatever.

"Great. Then I'll give you a call."

"All right. It was nice talking to you again, Brady," she said sweetly.

"Yeah. You too, Sutton. Take care, okay?"

"You, too. Bye, Brady."

As she hung up, Sutton realized her heart was pounding and that made her feel even worse. It made her think of the first time she invited a boy to go to the Sadie Hawkins dance at school. She'd been a nervous wreck all day and felt sick to her stomach each time she saw him in the hallway or in class before getting up the nerve to finally ask him.

And yet Brady had no interest in even getting better acquainted let alone something as crazy as going out with her, so why in the world was she feeling like this? Sutton chalked it up to finally meeting the father of her child and maybe just a tiny bit to the fact that he was just freaking gorgeous.

That realization along with his age helped her bring herself back to earth and regain control. He'd be stopping by to either drop off a photo or let her take one and that would be it—most likely for good. And with that, Sutton mostly managed to put any thoughts of this very handsome, much-younger man out of her mind. The fact that Brianna was hungry and on the verge of crying did the trick of putting it all completely out of her mind quite nicely.

It was around 5pm on Tuesday of the following week when her phone rang, and just like Pavlov's dog, Sutton's heart began pounding the second she saw who was calling.

"Brady?" she asked as she picked up.

"Hi, there!" he said cheerfully. "I'm on speaker phone and driving. Can you hear me okay?"

"Yes. You're fine," she said as she smiled thinking he was very fine indeed.

"I'm about an hour out from Cold River and I was wondering when you might like to try and get together. I'll be here until Thursday morning, but I will be working tomorrow pretty much the entire day."

"Um, well...is this evening okay for you?" she asked hopefully.

"Sure. It's actually the best time for me," he said. "I just didn't want to intrude, especially on such short notice."

"Wonderful. You're not intruding at all and...you can stop by anytime," she told him wincing even as she said it.

She recovered immediately and said, "Brianna is a pretty regular sleeper now and she tends to doze off around eight."

"Speaking of Brianna, there is one other thing I was hoping to discuss with you."

Now concerned where this might be going Sutton said, "Oh, sure. That would be fine. I know you want to keep your distance so I was letting you know when it would be 'safe' to come over."

She heard Brady chuckle then say, "If it's okay, I'll be there just after six o'clock."

"Oh. Well, sure. But Brianna will be wide awake then."

"That's even better," he told her with that sincere voice of his.

Now very confused Sutton only said, "All right. So we'll see around six or so."

"You will," he said politely.

"Okay. Bye, Brady."

"See you soon, Sutton."

Brianna was fed and dry by the time a nondescript sedan pulled into the driveway sending Sutton's heart back into pitter-pat mode.

Out of nowhere she heard herself saying to Brianna as she picked her up, "Your daddy's here, sweetie! Let's go say hello, shall we?"

Sutton got to the door just as Brady did and opened it while he was reaching for the doorbell.

"Oh. Hello there!" he said as the door opened. He saw Brianna and his face lit up in a very broad, very genuine smile.

"My two new most favorite girls in the whole world!" he said before producing a bouquet of roses.

"They're yellow because I heard yellow is the color of friendship, and after we spoke, I left wondering if you thought I was being unfriendly. I wasn't trying to be, but if that's how I came across...."

"No. Not at all," Sutton said as she admired the bouquet.

"I um...I could take Brianna for you if you wanted to, I don't know, put these in some water or something," he said holding out the bouquet while nodding at the sweet little girl clinging to her mom's neck.

"Oh. Yes. Sure. Here you go," Sutton said as she turned her daughter around.

To Brady's surprise, she didn't even fuss when he took her. She just cooed and made baby noises as Brady held her, unable to stop smiling.

"Well, hello there to you, too!" he said to Brianna. "You're even prettier than the last time I saw you! Yes, you are!"

"I think she likes you," Sutton said as they walked inside and headed for the kitchen.

"Well, I sure like her!" Brady said using his best 'coochie-coo' voice.

"Have you been a good girl?" he asked Brianna as Sutton got out a vase.

"She is so sweet!" Sutton answered for her daughter. "You never know if a child will be fussy or whatever, but Brianna is just a dream."

"Well, I'm not the least bit surprised," Brady said using a faux kind of smug voice which caused Sutton to turn around and smile. "I mean, she is my daughter, after all."

That was enough to make Sutton laugh just the way she had after the boy she'd asked to the dance said 'yes' then said something silly out of nervousness. She couldn't stop herself then or now and she was so happy she didn't care.

Sutton cut the stems at an angle, put them in the vase, then filled it with water and set it on the island in the middle of the kitchen.

"They're beautiful. Thank you, Brady."

"My pleasure," he replied.

"Here. I can take her for you now," Sutton said as she held out her arms.

"Um...if you don't mind, could I maybe hold her for a little while longer?"

Surprised, Sutton raised her eyebrows and said, "No. I don't mind at all."

She smile then said, "After all, she is your daughter."

Brady smiled back then said, "That's what I wanted to discuss with you, Sutton."

Now very anxious to hear what he had to say, she sat next to him and asked him to go ahead.

"Before I finally got up the nerve to introduce myself—after stalking you—I'd already made up my mind I didn't want anything to do with...the child."

He looked at Brianna then said, "But that was before I saw her and knew her name. But I'd made a decision so I followed through and told you that."

"And now?" Sutton asked.

"And now...I can't stop thinking about her. I know I have no right to ask, but I feel like I have to," he said.

"Then ask," Sutton said as her heart began beating fast again.

"Well, I don't want to interfere or anything, but I would like nothing more than to be able to have a relationship with Brianna."

He paused then looked right at her mother before adding, "And with you, Sutton."

Before she could respond, Brady said, "I know I have no right to be in her life. I gave that up when I signed the donation form. But if you'd allow it, I'd very much like to know my daughter and have her know her father."

The look in his eyes nearly made Sutton's eyes well up with tears. It was so hopeful and sincere, as was his voice.

"I thought you were worried about getting attached and having to leave one day," she said without sounding accusatory.

"I still am. I just can't bear to think my child lives this close to me and that I wouldn't even ask to be able to see her. Occasionally or whatever works for you, of course."

"Brady, I would never tell you you can't see your daughter. But I'm concerned, too. If you do get to know her and then say...several years down the road you leave for good...."

"You're right," Brady said. "I'm...I'm being selfish, as that is a very likely possibility."

"No. You're not being selfish. You're being...responsible. You're looking at this from every angle. It's obvious you care about her and I would love for you to be a part of her life. But I would die if she were to be hurt because you left her."