by tomthewriter
The dialogue makes me laugh. They sound like old dudes or young boys if this was based in the 90's hip-hop era. I like the story though.
Yeah the dialogue is intresting to say the least but I really like the story. What ever way you choose to take the story will be great. I think it would be hot if Theo kinda give him the ropes of gay sex and they stay cool but he starts fucking Spencer(hot,raw,passionate,rough sex) The RA should walk by and hear and punish them in some deliciously sexy way. Eventually together they should use Jeff as their bitch...
what is 'finna' ? It's used like 'gonna' but I never heard that one. I thought this chapter was pretty hot.
You shouldn't be asking readers which way the story should go. You're the author - WRITE it. You're supposed to be in control. You're supposed to take responsibility. Get an editor, check your work properly before submitting it and for heaven's sake do something about this awful dialogue. No-one speaks like this.
The dialogue has gotten better, but it still needs some serious work. - DC
Good way to get introduced to college life. So hot two guys jacking each other off. More fun will happen.