by Athena1996
This story was a mediocre copy of the womens wrestling porn on xHamster & PornHub among others. This was rough & semi consensual. It should have been posted in a different category. The storyline is mediocre but adeqiately written except there's no hint of who your protagonists ate. Characters are shallow & uninteresting. The sex was basically oafish & juvenile, read like a dude's girl on girl fantasy. This was about as lesbian sex as an episode of How I Met Your Mother.
The bit at the end about fucking the woman with a pole was stupid & childish, as wel as bullshit misogyny.
Eh... what can I say about this rubbish... er... "story"? (sorry, I promise I'll try to be as constructive as circumstances allow!)
Structurally, just needs a few tweaks here and there, I commend you for having half decent grammar at least. But cardboard-like boring characters, non-existent story and unrealistic/idiotic/borderline juvenile sex scenes... pardon my bluntness, but your story is terrible. Maybe stick to a theme you know something (the bare minimum at least) about (i.e. NOT lesbian erotica). As a real life gay female, this story made me cringe.
- A foreign Chelski fan
This is not the worse writing that I have ever encountered; There are some comments that should be reserved about this because if you were not interested in the story all you had to do was stop reading. Soooooo there must have been something that you liked about it for you to complete the reading. Better still you publish your story and signify by your negative comments who you are and how your story is any better. I commend any writer who has the creativity and the heart and guts to write and share the writing with a public forum.