All Comments on 'College Slave Ch. 01'

The story is fine, the descriptions work, but the random broken paragraphs break the flow and constantly cause unwanted pauses in the dialogue and descriptions

sorry not my kind of story

Oh how I love a good lesbian bdsm story. This was very good first effort. Needs a little work on the formatting. Many of the paragraphs had unnecessary breaks in them. Not sure if it was intentional or a problem in formatting the story. Looking forward to Chapter 2.

I liked it, but it moved to fast for me. and it also lacked some detail

I definitely like this kind of story - a group of girls dominating one young one through blackmail. I would say it's a good start. However, if you'll allow me, I have a two things I'd like to suggest:

First, I think it needs to be a little slower in pace. One minute she's being introduced to her roommates, next she's being beaten and tortured and spoken to in a degrading fashion. Barely time to even catch one's breath!

Second, I think the domination needs to be a little more subtle. I'm not a fan of stories where the domination contains an element of nastiness to it, such as this, unless there's a revenge element to it at the end.

Even tho this is not the kind of story I enjoy that much I still think that it was written well the only thing I didn't like was that the other 3 girls had to be tech wizards working for the nsa to be able to track her movement on the net like that I think you could have done this without the blackmail part to make it more " realistic " but all in all a job well done .

This is your first story and my biggest complaint is a formatting issue that created a space every two lines. Well done.

I liked the story idea but it did move too fast. Her compliance issues were done in a paragraph and after that they really didn't arise. She's forced to perform sexual acts she has never performed before and we don't know how she feels about it. Had she ever had these fantasies? Is she repulsed? Afraid of her reaction? Is she excited by the B&D? By the Lesbianism?

I think this was a great first effort and am excited about seeing more of your efforts in the future.

Keep up the great effort.

Thanks for all the comments! I submitted an edit to fix the formatting issue so hopefully that gets updated soon. I wasn't completely satisfied with this when I posted it but I really did need more feedback to see where it needed work. I'll be working on chapter 2 for the time being but I definitely want to revisit this at some point, I know I can do it better.

This is an excellent beginning. As another mentioned, we need a little more insight into the slave's mind. Go more into what she is thinking and feeling - not just "she couldn't help but enjoy it", but how did it make her feel, and what did she think about enjoying it (beyond just surprise)? This is, to me, what makes erotica so great and often better than porn - you can really get into the head of the person involved.

And if I may request - don't make her fall too quickly. Make her resist - even if only in her mind. Don't make her truly submit and become completely compliant right away. The battle and conflict is one of the best aspects of this genre. And don't make her fall in love with the submission.

I'd love to see this constant battle within herself over her subjugation. She was, after all, the member of a proud family of intelligent, successful and wealthy individuals. She didn't necessarily NEED to cheat, she just didn't feel it was something that required her effort - so she got someone else to do it for her. But now she's in a situation which requires her to submit to humiliation and degradation from these other women. There's GOT to be some additional internal turmoil over that. Her ego shouldn't be so easily subsumed by the situation that she simply caves.

Lastly, it would seem that someone in this situation may end up deciding protecting their reputation against accusations of cheating isn't worth the abuse. So I suggest the girls create a plethora of additional blackmail material to continually weigh the scale of her options toward compliance, even as their treatment of her gets more and more humiliating, spawning greater and greater conflict within her.

Look forward to the next installment.

I am not a female but I would have loved this to have happened to me. It was greatly thought out . It did have a few typo's which upset the flow of the story but overall it made me horny and I am awaiting more chapters. Thank-you.

This is your first story which overall is a very nice start. Abigail is trapped with apparently no way out for the time being. I agree with the concept as printed by another reviewer, that draw the sex out a bit more, have Abigail fight the overall submission to these wonderful girls. Maybe have Abigail service each roommate while they eat, watch movies, etc. Have her lick their asses, suck their toes, lick their feet, etc. This story has legs and if written correctly, could go on for many more chapters. Over time have Celine start to enjoy Abigail's servicing to the point where Celine starts treating her nice and takes her to the park, movies etc. Celine could even have Abigail service her at the park but not in front of others, but enough to humiliate Abigail. Then have Celine and Abigail alone in the Apartment with Abigail begging to service Celine by asking to lick her feet, ass, pussy, breasts. All this could be a real turn-on for all readers.

Good start, don't get frustrated as you've presented a nice foundation for a wonderful, sexy story.

I really like this story. It actually one of my favorite story. This gotten me to write one of my own. Hope it gets published. But this is a really good story and the best on Literotica. Haven't found a better one yet. The story telling was really good and the characters felt realistic. The character development was good. The main problem with this story that we needed to see what Abigail's thoughts about her being force into lesbianism.

I am anxiously awaiting chapters two through ten minutes. I had a girlfriend who experienced something similer in college and she was glorious ly kinky later the tables were turned and I was her slave for six years later she swapped need to another Don't. I still miss Goddess and I would never trade my time with her. I am a very happy male sluti

This is an amazing piece of erotica that is perfect for someone who likes the dominance/blackmail stories. I also appreciate that such a large amount of effort put into this story

Well, I just found this story and am very concerned that Abigail will not have any nipples left if the binder clips are left on too long. If the clips are left on more than about 10 or so minutes they will permanently cause the nipples to turn purple with lack of circulation. The story starts out well with the beatings and sucking but ended with no compassion for Abigail's nipples. Oh, I know with such a fantasy story her nipples will be just fine in the morning (sore but still functioning).