All Comments on 'Collision Ch. 01'

Really good start. Very talented. Can't wait for more chapters

Please follow this story with more of a developing relationship between Brett and his sister. I was very aroused by your story, and look forward to future episodes.

and where does it lay and with whom is responsible, TK U MLJ LV NV

you should have left this UNPOSTED. forced sex only belongs in the NONCONSENT/RELUCTANCE area nowhere else that is why they have seperate catagories if you usless writers would only learn to use them properly. there is enough garbage in the world without you writers adding to it. readers come here to get away from this type of crap not to read about it please delete and post it in the nonconsent/reluctance area.

I would like to see another chapter. I don't think he forced her, but i would like to see how she feels. Maybe she allowed it for pity sex? Great writing.

Please keep going!!!!

I really enjoyed the rhythm of the story and the story-telling itself! It was a very nice beginning and I can't wait to see what's coming next! Please continue! And ignore the haters...they have nothing else to do with their lives but complain. This was perfect! I'm glad you posted it where you did or I never would have read it!

I really enjoyed your story and am glad that you were encouraged to write it I would hope that you get the same encouragement to continue to add further chapters developing the relationship between brother and sister and hopefully with the love of his sister Brett will turn his life around.Great read so far please write more soon

please continue ASAP

A very deeply involved story, with a brother so much in love with his sister.

He seems to be at his wits end, and doesn' know what to do about it, now that he is filled with remorse from practically raping his sister.

A well written and edited story and a very good storyline.

Thanks for the read.

I do hope you continue with this predicament between brother and sister. I am very interested in where you are going next. Thanks for the read so far.

plz write another chapter soon...this was very well written....left me hanging at the end but it is a nice build up to more chapters..

Excellently written. I hope to read more from you.

Dave

I'm surprised to see several positive comments on this. I thought the main character was repellent and self-indulgent.

I think this story could be rewritten with the same depth of emotion and character development without the rape aspect. A similar setting could have been put together with a reluctance from the sister being vocalized with more of a acceptable resolution. (2/5 for technical merit)

I don't think this was rape. The story clearly mentions the sister aided the sex when it was going on and she held him with her arms around him when it was over. How can it be rape then? Since this is written from the point of view of the brother, people are misunderstanding the last couple of paragraphs, just like the brother.

The story is in fact excellently written and goes into the minds of characters rather than just being a humpity-hump romp. I think it's so real in showing what goes on in the brother's mind that even readers are getting misled by his thoughts. This is the hallmark of a really talented writer. Please keep writing this series and ignore the people who are commenting negatively. Eagerly waiting to see what happens next.

To Mr. and Mrs. Anonymous, who are complaining about the "rape" scene, just re-read this part:

>She opened herself to him, a part of his brain registered that. She spread her legs wider to accommodate him, pulling him to her with her hands on his buttocks, locking her heels around his calves as he dove into her.

He may have thought he was raping her, but she consented. Hence, no rape.

Powerfully written. Believably. It's hard to capture the chaos of adolescence, but you have an image of it here. I'm sure the element of non-consensuality will unfortunately prevent it from attaining the score that it deserves, but that's one of the pitfalls of group rankings. Bravo.

Not a genre I particularly like, and certainly not a protagonist for whom I have any fellow-feeling, but you've made him real. Good writing! LaRascasse knows how to encourage talented writers.

Even while I was editing it, I wondered "how come she is so damn good at showing me their thoughts?". That soliloquy with Brett in the middle was a stroke of genius. I could literally feel his angst, his rage against the world and his broken self-esteem. And then Jody comes along, trying to help him through his issues and all the emotions, all the dialogues and all the thoughts seem the exact thing that should have happened in that moment. It's like the reader is there with them.

I rarely comment on stories, much less so on ones I edit, but this one deserves all the plaudits I can think of. Simple fabulous. Thanks for the great read damppanties.

Sorry, you lost me right away describing your main character picking zits!

The first two paragraphs, just disgusting. If the first line is meant to capture a reader, you've just lost a lot of the same!

That was quite a story. Author showed the angst of the teen years very well and the beginning with zits and all led into the story beautifully. People who didn't stay to read beyond the first line - their loss. And the sex was sizzling hot too! These are real people, not just dummies who have sex. You have my vote.

If something like zits can detract your feeble attention from a story as good as this, I feel sad for you bro!

... to have such a flawed main character such as Brett. The simple fact that he has acne issues, for example, helps bring him to a more relatable character. It's refreshing not have to everyone be greek gods or goddesses. It's also nice to see the characters personalities be more important than the sex.

The writing style of this is great, it doesn't use too much detail like descriptions of characters, so I as a reader can think of Jody and Bretty in any way I wish. You don't say what kind of jeans so I assume they were moderatly tight and I could imagine them at the beach it was great. Thank you for the read.

I don't know what is wring with her brother but she needs to find him before he tops himself, all in all a cracking good read.

this belongs in the NONEROTIC AREA only an underage virgin would find this shit erotic.

Your command of American English is superb, and it worked greatly to your storytelling advantage. Terrific!

Almost gave this a one but held off to read chapter two. 4 stars now, best if you combine them into one story to make sure others do not react the same.

You just got at the turning point , the build up was great. Now you have everyone reading this sitting on the edge of the chair. More please

what a lame ass that shit is ...

I'm aware the author hasn't contributed anything here for many years, but still:

You have a very clever pen and you convey lots of emotions and drama for this to be good literature -- however, there isn't anything in this part of the story that makes it credible for the sister to so quickly just totally meet her brother's actions/emotions in something akin to sibling rape.

However, it isn't a comfortable read as there are so many negative feelings -- and the initial description of the action on the acne really felt awful and was hard to get passed -- and I'm in my profession used to much more gory stuff...

And I'm alsp afraid that this first part isn't good erotica -- to many hard and negative feelings for that, although we gradually get to understand what this really is about.

Maybe I will give ch. 2 a chance although, because you write so well.

I think the author tried to express how a sibling who feels inferior to his older smarter sister has a love/hate relationship with her. He wanted her as a conquest sexually but also as a defeated sibling in an attempt to win something over her. She gave him the sexual conquest, he was superior sex partner but still not intellectually.