All Comments on 'Coming Home'

Too wordy to the point of being boring. The first page alone could have been halved.

with all the responsibility involved. TK U MLJ LV NV

Good story but WAY too long. Lot of by play that wasn't necessary. Not a big deal tho. I generally shy away from stories over 4 pages for that reason. Enjoyable fairy tale like story.

3 stars

DragonRider55

Good story - NOT too long at all.

Trust, once broken, does not come easily. The characters got back together again far too quickly. Length of story is good considering the circumstances.

I really enjoyed this. The comment about the reconnection being too fast rings a bit true, but you needed to manage the length. Well done.

This whole story could be told in one brief paragraph. No question that would be a disaster, but aside from making us comfortable with the characters, nothing was gained from the length. I wonder how this would flow in three pages.? I'm sure that there would be the usual scolds saying that this was too short, too abrupt. The real problem was that there was zero suspense. You could have predicted the path and the outcome on page one. After that it was just a matter of getting the words down on paper (so to speak) and writing out the obvious plot. A good author keeps his/her readers on the edge of their chair, not quite sure what's going to happen to the protagonists. There's so many quirks in a plot that can give it a little zip it's a shame when it just plods along to the finish line. For what it was - 3*

Fuck me - don't know what their problem is - was a good story - I enjoyed it - yes I knew where it was going but still enjoyed it -

I gave you 5*

With Overcritical. Yes, it was predictable. Yes, we knew where it would end. Yes, there was little real tension in the story. But, your character crafting made it fully enjoyable. I knew what was going to happen. (I do with all of these stories) But, I didn't know when, and I didn't know how. Well done, sir!

This is a Romance, of course the story is going to be predictable once Veronica puts in an appearance. It starts out as a tragedy for a purpose, it compromises Will to give up everything, to return home and care for his only relative. Being home reinforces his other tragedy in life, being let down by the love of his life. Otherwise he is surrounded by kindness, a nice neighbour and helpful employer. Then the ex comes back, but she's clearly not the bitch she's been painted, trying to turn the clock back with a full court, which was kind of unusual and sweet, so yes, it was predictable, but so what? It was a nice story, with nice characters with Will being nice about encouraging the real sassy V to come back rather than a sycophant echo, ending in a nicely rounded romantic finish. Not perfect, but not riddled with errors or plot holes, and certainly not deserving of some of the criticism on here. A solid 4* from me for a light entertaining read in the right category.

It was well written and a fun read. It seems churlish to complain but my criticism (and only a minor one at that), is that I would have liked a little more tension and uncertainty as trust was rebuilt and then that trust rewarded.

Thanks

4*

I liked this. Yes, the getting back together was unrealistically quick, but that was acceptable as a literally device to keep the story to a reasonable length. The story did have tension, all the issues were there, rebuilding trust, her finding the confidence to be herself, and the situation with the sister/daughter, Carla. I thought his relationship with Carla was well handled and created an interesting situation that lifted the story above the usual romance.

At least one or two thoughtful things were included. Mostly at the eavesdropped conversation. What happened with the money, being a surprisingly long point, didn't make sense really. It's too complex to use for the conflict resolution demonstration it was intended for... if there's enough, and it isn't used to determine the importance of anybody, it's like not usually a problem. If it was tied in with some anecdote about respect, then it would be appropriate to address like this... operating as if a single unit, worrying about the split so precisely is odd. anyway, it was a good read.

Yes, a beautifully written love story.

how could she be 10 weeks pregnant if she only stopped taking 8 weeks earlier ? assuming there are only 4 weeks in a month not to mention it takes some time for the pills to wear off after a woman quits taking them. I really did like the story but sometimes writers don't seem to think some things thru.

You must have misunderstood something. According to Merriam-Webster "a couple of months" does not mean "two months". "A couple" in that context means "a small number" so it could easily be six or even nine months.

Overall, I highly enjoyed this story. The one thing that I think could have improved it a lot, and reduced the most complained about issue in the comments (predictability), was if the backstory with Veronica was introduced at the very start of the story, as a kind of background to explain his difficulty with girls. Perhaps this could follow an introduction of a breakup between him and a girlfriend he'd gone out with a few times. If this happened the same day as his parent's car accident, it would only add to the drama a bit, but the main purpose would be that, by separating Veronica's backstory with her introduction as a character, the reader doesn't know whether Veronica will make an appearance, and when she does, it is less evident what role she will play. As is, when Veronica is introduced, and her backstory immediately follows, when the story is in the romance category and no romantic interests have previously been introduced, it becomes obvious what's going to happen, if not exactly how.

I really enjoyed this story, the only problem I have with it, is that stories like these the guy is always a push over, they give in too quickly, always taking back the girl or woman no questions asked. It usually starts great but has a unbelievable ending.

This is very good. I would of started at the break up, but this works well. To lose your soul mate is devastating. I lost mine 30 years ago. Never completely over it. It is like twins reading each others minds. Another wonderful story. 5

If you don’t like stories that are “too predictable” then you should quit reading the stories in the Romance section.

With this phrase: "Fortunately, education in this country was almost free ..." I assumed it was set somewhere other than the US. Because here education costs an arm and both legs! Other than that I enjoyed the story.

I love spontaneous women but they also make me worry. What if they lose control. These kind of women would look for something new. They usually learn things in a hard way. Often, the mistakes are irredeemable. If Veronica had slept with Brian, what would he feel. That part makes me wonder. On man's perspective, sex is important.

Still, these is the romance section and every romance is a dream which helps us dive deeper to intimacy. I give you 5 for giving me a good dream.

Perhaps follow-up story from 7-10 years down the road when Veronica decides it's time for a change?

On one hand, he seems mature, taking responsibility for raising his sister. On the other hand, he seems like an immature jerk, holding a grudge since high school. They were kids in high school. Grow up.

Not a chance in hell.

I wouldn't characterize it as "holding a grudge"; he just hadn't healed after she broke his heart. Yes, they were kids at the time, but in a lot of ways, that makes the pain worse. On top of that, he had his parents' death and raising his sister to deal with, which means a lot of his emotional energy got tied up in that rather than recovering from the heartbreak. Cut him a little slack, okay?

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He shouldn't have taken her back, I will never agree with it. He is just opening himself to letting her hurt him again.

I enjoyed the story. However, one problem that I have with the story is that there isn’t anything that makes me believe that Veronica should be trusted. Sure the MC points out that the story he gets from Veronica and her mother match up, but Veronica could have just told her mother what to tell him. Her mother admitted to being willing to do anything to stop Veronica’s suffering. Also overhearing Veronica talk to Carla doesn’t mean anything because, if she was lying to William, why would she tell his sister the truth?

One question I have is, if Veronica knew that her plan to make William jealous wouldn’t work after seeing him walk away after kissing Brian, why did she keep dating him for so long? If she loved William like she claimed and still wanted him back, she probably would have ended it with Brian right away.

Ignore the negative comments that nitpick, it was a wonderful story!

Apology after six years? That says a lot about her character and what about her boyfriend Brian? Just because Will didn't get jealous and try to win her back, she ended in his bed? 1 star for a lousy story.

Why did Veronica date Bryan, who she said she only used in an attempt to make William jealous, for 6 months? She said she realized her plan didn't work after 2 weeks