Coming Home - Extended Version

"With all my heart, it's because of both!"

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Two days later, James woke to find Ellie shivering in bed. Her hair was sticking to her forehead and when he gently shook her awake, her eyes had trouble focusing on his face. Feeling her frighteningly hot forehead, he got her a washcloth soaked in cold water and called his GP. After he mentioned her high temperature, doctor Walsh didn't take long getting there.

James paced the living room as Ellie was being examined. He felt terribly on edge; he had been so sure that she'd be safe now that he'd found her again. She would almost certainly have gotten sick even if he hadn't, and it could have been infinitely more serious if she'd been alone, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that he had once again failed to protect her.

"It's just a bad cold." doctor Walsh said as he gently closed the bedroom door behind him. "She's very thin, so it might take her a while to get over it, but she will recover fully," he emphasised as he saw James' anxious face.

"I understand she's been living under poor conditions lately, she's probably been carrying around the virus for some time. Only now that she's living here, her stress level has dropped enough that it caught up to her. Make sure she gets plenty of rest and fluid. It wouldn't hurt if you try to get her to eat plenty either; that girl needs to put on some weight, or she's only going to get sick again," he said kindly.

He let the doctor out and went in to check on her. Huddled under the covers, she was little more than a small lump in the middle of the bed.

"I thought I'd pop out and get some groceries. Is there anything I can get you?"

"Uhm, could I have a... No never mind"

"No, go on. Anything you want."

She coughed pathetically. "Well in that case, may I have a tiara?"

Right then, he knew he loved her. He really, properly loved her.

"A can of Sprite would be lovely. Thank you."

An hour later, she woke as Jamie let himself back into the flat. He came in with an ice cold bottle of Sprite and a bendy straw for her. After plumping the pillows, helping her sit up and tucking her in nicely, he smoothed the hair out of her face and handed her the opened bottle.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"My throat is pretty sore and it's difficult to breathe." she admitted.

"Do you feel like getting up and maybe watch some telly?"

"No, I think I'm too tired." Her head was killing her and the thought of concentrating on anything at all was thoroughly unappealing. The way she was squinting seemed to have told Jamie everything he needed to know about the state of her head.

"I'll go get you some Paracetamol. You still prefer them to Ibuprofen, don't you?"

"Yes, thank you. But aren't you going to work?" she asked, before taking a careful sip. The icy drink soothed her burning throat if only temporarily.

"I'll work from home today. I just need to head into the office and pick up a few things."

"You don't have to stay home for my sake. I'll be fine."

"There's no need to try and talk me out of it. It's already settled." he replied simply.

When he came back with the painkillers, he was also carrying something else. She squinted through the dark bedroom towards the bright doorway. Surely, it couldn't be what she thought...

"I also got you this while I was out." He sounded as if he wasn't quite sure how well his present would be received. When he then handed her the teddybear, she was almost moved to tears. It was softer than velvet, perfect for cuddling and looked too much like one she used to have when she was younger for it to be a coincidence.

"Aw, thank you! Nothing is quite as comforting as a stuffed animal when you're sick. May I never forget that." She would have pulled him in for a hug had she not felt so weak and been so worried about making him sick too. Taking no such precautions, he leaned in bravely and kissed her gently on the forehead before tucking her in and leaving her to rest.

She fell asleep before he left for the office. When she woke up it was dark out and she felt disoriented. Was it the middle of the night or late afternoon? She went to the loo before creeping into the kitchen looking for something to eat. She found Jamie asleep on the couch with his laptop resting on his stomach. She was clearly going to have to talk to him about his workload. Either he was under far too much pressure at work or her presence was much more of an inconvenience than he let on.

She had barely gotten the fridge door open before he came into the kitchen.

"What do you think you're doing? Don't you know anything about being sick? You're supposed to milk it and stay helpless in bed for as long you can get away with it." He actually managed to sound a little cross this time, not enough to make her think she was actually in trouble though.

"Sorry, sir. I got hungry."

"Well at least sit down and let me fix you something. Do you think you're up for a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"Ooh that actually sounds tasty. I'll just sit here and watch my minion at work."

"From boss to minion in ten seconds. Must be some kind of record. Now, how many do you want? Two or three?"

"Ah-hah. I see what you did there. One will do, thanks." she said, sitting down carefully. Jamie may be joking, but he was onto something; she shouldn't have gotten out of bed. Her head was spinning now, though she couldn't be sure if it was from lack of food or the virus.

Seeing her carefully take aim of the chair and move like a ninety-year-old, Jamie rushed over and gently steered her not down into the seat but over to the couch where she could lie down.

"You're looking a bit green around the gills. How are you feeling? I thought you'd be a bit better by now."

"I was feeling better. You might have been right about the staying in bed bit." she admitted as she settled against the cushions, accepting the blanket he tucked around her. Closing her eyes, she felt him gently brushing the hair out of her face before heading into the kitchen to fix her food.

She must have fallen asleep, because two seconds later he was standing in front of her with a plate for each of them in either hand. She sat up to make room for him, wincing at how the sudden movement made her head spin.

They ate in silence, with Jamie closely monitoring how much of her plate she finished off. Feeling optimistic, he'd made her three grilled cheese sandwiches and was pleased to see her eat two of them before settling back agains the cushions.

He finished his own plate quickly and took the dishes into the kitchen. As he gave them a quick rinse, he realized that for the first time he felt properly at home in his apartment. It had just been the place where he lived and kept his stuff up till now, but with Ellie curled up on the sofa, feeling miserable and not having the energy to behave with the polite caution of a houseguest, he finally felt like this was home.

He almost chuckled when he remembered how much he had looked forward to going home from work yesterday, knowing that she was there waiting for him. The fact that she had promised to have dinner ready when he got there, didn't even have much to do with it. And then today, looking after her had felt so right. Suddenly extra eager to get back into the living room, he left the rest of the cleaning up for later. She looked about to fall asleep, but when he walked in she perked up a bit.

"How are you feeling now?" he asked, as he sat back down next to her.

"A bit better. The food really helped. Thanks." she replied, apparently still sleepy enough to have slightly lower inhibitions that usual. She turned around so that her feet were facing the other end of the sofa and she could rest her head on his shoulder. Secretly thrilled with the developments, Jamie settled his arm around her and put his feet up on the coffee table.

He was pretty sure this was the first time they'd ever cuddled like this anywhere but in bed. It may sound tamer by comparison, but the buildup had usually been much longer. She had always been careful about not touching him aside from in bed, and he felt like he was almost always the one to initiate physical contact besides the occasional platonic hug. It felt amazing, and it was enough to cause him to worry about her noticing his pounding heart. In the end, he decided there wasn't much he could do about it besides getting up, which was obviously out of the question.

Eventually he could calm down enough to notice that she felt quite warm. Putting his wrist to her forehead, he concluded that she did have a bit of a fever, but it didn't seem to be anything to worry about. She did have that little frown between her eyebrows that usually accompanied a head ache though and he started to run his fingers through her hair while massaging her scalp gently.

It seemed to do the trick. She gave a little sigh and mumbled; "That feels nice. You're so lovely."

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

For the next few days, making Ellie rest was effortless. She only got out of bed to go to the bathroom or when he made her get up to eat something. James spent as little time in the office as possible, working from home whenever he could. He was pretty sure he would have done it even if she hadn't fallen sick; leaving the house when she was right there in his apartment seemed more than slightly ridiculous. Caring for her felt simply amazing, even if she was too ill to really appreciate anything.

Cuddling on the sofa after eating supper became a bit of a routine. He'd wait until she fell asleep before carrying her to bed. It was disturbingly easy to pick her up and she only seemed to get lighter as the days passed.

On Sunday night, he made them a rich chicken soup in an attempt to lure as many calories into her tiny body as possible. It seemed to work; she ate a lot, but it took a long time for her to finish.

The soup warmed her up so much that she slid off the sofa to sit on the floor in front of it instead. Running her fingers absent-mindedly through the thick, shaggy rug, she mentioned how nice it was to be staying in Jamie's lovely apartment. She only meant to compliment his taste, but it got him thinking about what kind of living conditions she was comparing it to.

When he prodded her about it, she told him about mouldy flats with rowdy, drunk (or worse) neighbours, bug infestations and leaky pipes and how she wouldn't tell her friends how bad it was so as not to be a burden.

"I still don't understand why you left in the first place. I thought we would always be there for each other, and just when you're dealing with your mum dying, you leave. You didn't even go to the funeral." he said quietly once she was finished.

"We've been over this before."

"And I'm not buying it. Not wanting to hold me back is all well and good, but it doesn't explain your timing. Was living in that house really so awful that you couldn't stick it out for one more week?" he asked, not willing to let it slide again.

"No, that wasn't it at all!" she was getting frustrated now. She could see that he was determined to get an answer, but she didn't have one for him. Not one she thought he could stomach anyway.

"Was it because of me then? Because of what we did the night your mum died? Because of what I did when I was drunk, I mean." He couldn't look at her anymore and was intently picking at a loose thread on the knee of his jeans instead.

She melted and almost told him right then, but thought the timing was worse than ever. How could she tell him about his dad trying to have sex with her, now? She settled for soothing his guilty conscience instead. Putting her hand on his knee to get him to look her in the eye, she said; "You didn't do anything. I was the one who initiated it. I know it was wrong of me and the timing was not only bad, but pretty dodgy. I was just so sure that you'd never have gone along with it of you were sober. I didn't mean to make you feel like you'd forced yourself on me or taken advantage in any way. I'm really sorry."

He just stared at her for a few moments, before deciding that it was too complicated a subject to talk about just yet. Instead he said; "Then what did my dad do that made you run away?" It was the only available explanation left to him.

She was the one to look away this time. Frantically trying to come up with an answer, one that wouldn't make him angry and preferably one that wasn't a lie, she just sat there speechless.

"Tell me!" He knew what she was doing and he was having none of it.

"Okay! Just remember that I promised myself I'd never tell you. This is not something I ever wanted you to find out about." She hesitated.

"What the hell did he do?!" James felt ready to burst.

"Remember how we used to lock your bedroom door because he would try and open it at night? He only did that because he knew I was in there with you." Seeing that he was still just as lost, she forced herself to continue. "He used to feel me up when no one was looking. That night when I came to get you at the party, I had to fight him off after mum took off with the car. I still don't know how I managed it, but I was sure I wouldn't be as lucky next time."

Jamie was speechless. He sat there with his head in his hands for several minutes, just processing everything. His rage at his father continued to grow until it felt like his body could hardly contain it any longer. He felt immense frustration over the fact that he had so completely failed to see what was going on. He had been dedicated to protecting her from their parents, and yet he'd had no idea what was going on.

Finally Elizabeth couldn't take it any longer. "Please say something."

Apparently that anger really had gotten the best of him, otherwise the words that came tumbling out of his mouth were ones he would have rather taken to his grave; "So when you seduced me, you only did it so that in case my father raped you, at least he wouldn't be taking your virginity?"

When it became clear that she had no excuse, he simply said; "I'm going for a walk."

He got up and went to put his coat on. She walked over as silently as a cat while hunting, a skill she'd picked up while trying not to anger their parents. It was almost enough to make him melt. He kissed her on the forehead and said; "You should get some rest. I won't be out long."

As he closed the front door behind him, she just stood there watching him go silently. What could she possibly say to make this right? Nothing.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Around noon on Tuesday, she came into the living room on her own accord. In her pyjamas, with her hair all tousled, she looked pretty adorable. Looking up from his laptop, James felt his heart give a squeeze. She shuffled over to the couch and curled up on the opposite end from him. She had been keeping a careful distance from him ever since she told him. Clearly he was still upset, but until she could figure out exactly what had upset him, she didn't know what to do about it.

"How about I put on a movie? You must be bored out of your mind after staying in bed for so long." he suggested.

"Sure. Do you have any girly movies?" she said, clearly doubting that he would have any movie's she might like.

"Oh, ye of little faith. You'd be surprised. What would you like? Romantic comedy? Something Jane Austeny? Or would you prefer something Christmassy?"

"Oh! Something Christmassy please!"

Christmas was approaching fast and Ellie was shocked that James had no decorations whatsoever. Fair enough, most single men don't bother much with these things, but he had always loved Christmas! When she asked him about it, he quietly replied; "I loved celebrating Christmas with you, and I haven't been doing that, have I?"

His words stuck with her, making her feel oddly guilty. She had always been convinced that she'd done the right thing by running away. If not for herself, then definitely for him. She had always wanted the best for him, and only now did she start to wonder whether there was some truth to his stubborn statement that he would have been happy to keep looking after her, if only she had let him. It was fast becoming glaringly obvious that he was much too good for her. She had hurt him in so many ways, this lovely man that had done nothing but love and protect her for years, while asking nothing in return.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

"Oh good, you're up." Ellie had been waiting for Jamie to wake up for a few hours, itching to play her new guitar.

"What makes you say that?" Jamie mumbled as he shuffled over to the kitchen sink. He got a glass of water and shuffled in much the same manner back to bed.

He'd gone out with Marcus the night before, and had tried, and failed, to keep up with much more seasoned drinkers than himself. They had a standing tradition of going out the week before the office christmas party and get drunk then, instead of doing it in front of their colleagues. He was obviously out of practice when it came to Marcus' drinking habits. It would seem that he had been more preoccupied with work lately than he had been letting on. This James person was obviously rather different from the Jamie she used to know and love.

She somehow managed to endure a couple more hours of excruciating anticipation, while she did her best to ensure that Jamie got some quality sleep. He'd be in terrible shape for the rest of the day regardless. Anyone would deserve to spend as big a portion as possible of it sleeping, and he had been absolutely exhausted lately.

"Not that he'd ever admit that to me, of course." Ellie stood in the doorway, watching him snore quietly. While he was out with Marcus, she'd spent the night at home trying not to think about the onslaught of girls that were undoubtedly chatting him up. Or even worse, the gorgeous girls he might be trying to get off with. In the light of day, she felt a little embarrassed at the sense of relief she'd felt when he came through the door at one thirty in the morning.

At around two, she could take it no longer and sat down on Jamie's thoroughly lovely sofa to play her guitar. Once she was done tuning it as silently as she could, she hesitated though. It had been a while since she could play just for herself and her own amusement. It was difficult to find her way back to the place where music was for entertainment purposes only.

She wasn't even certain that she wanted to go back to that. An idea started to form in the back of her head. The idea seemed to be a little shy at first and the details remained fuzzy for quite some time while Ellie sat staring into space, planning her future.

"Nobody likes a tease. You got my hopes up, tuning your guitar like that."

Ellie blinked in surprise. "I didn't hear you get up. Feeling better?"

Jamie collapsed onto the sofa, spectacularly ungracefully. "As well as can be expected I suppose. Have you eaten yet?"

She shook her head. "No, I wasn't really hungry and I figured it would be nicer to eat together. Shall I fix us something?"

"I'll help out... in a minute. I just need to sit here for a moment."

Once the food was ready and they were sitting down at the table, Jamie reminded her of his initial question. "Don't think I didn't notice that you changed the subject. What were you thinking about? I could practically hear you flex your brain."

"I was thinking about what I should do for money. I've been looking for work for ages. But the only ones available are the ones that suck the life and soul out of you. Call me picky, but I just couldn't handle cleaning windows for a living. Actually, if I was offered a steady job as a window cleaner, I'd probably jump at it at this point, but I seem to attract nothing but temporary gigs."

"What would you like to do then?"