Computer Maintenance

The following story is fiction. It is based on a story I read on Reddit which was reported to be true. It is meant to be read for entertainment. Please save your judgmental proselytizing for someone who will listen.

*****

My wife and I didn't have a bad marriage. We met in college on a service trip. I was an accounting major at a small Midwestern liberal arts college looking for something more meaningful to do with my spring break. I signed up with a group heading to St. Louis for volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity helping renovate some homes in the poorer neighborhoods of East St. Louis. Linda was on the trip as well and we hit it off. It started out with us sharing a hammer because we didn't have enough tools. She didn't trust me swinging the hammer while she held the nail, so we traded back and forth. By the end of the week we were staying up until past midnight talking and sharing stories from our past. I told her the story about I fell out of a tree and broke my arm at my uncle's wedding. She told me about when she gave herself a concussion swimming the backstroke at a swim meet in high school. When we returned to campus we started meeting in the library after hours. We claimed it was just to study, but two weeks later I walked her back to her dorm from the library and gave her a good night kiss.

Things progressed slowly, but steadily. We met in March of our junior year. Our first kiss was at the beginning of April; by the end of April we were spending as much time snogging in the stacks as we were studying. Neither of us was super religious, but we were both church going, so we weren't in a race to get too serious too fast. By the end of the school year we had actively roaming hands, but everything was staying outside of the clothes.

When summer came along she went home to Kentucky and I took an accounting internship in Indianapolis. We stayed in contact and saw each other every couple of weeks. She stayed overnight at my apartment once and we shared a bed, but nothing happened beyond kissing and cuddling. I visited her home and met her family and we got along fine. However when we returned to college things got more serious. We had really missed each other over the summer and we started making plans for the future. We progressed to heavy petting, getting naked and mutual masturbation. We had sex for the first time in November and each of us was the other's first. On New Year's Eve I proposed and we started planning a June wedding.

Linda got her degree in elementary education. She started working as a teacher's aide and I started at an accounting firm. I passed my CPA exams and started working my way up the corporate ladder. We settled in Cincinnati and bought a nice house. We planned to wait a few more years before having kids, but Linda got pregnant when we were just 24. We were planning on having kids, so we were excited about starting our family. Max was an easy pregnancy. Two years later Marie was born and we had our happy family.

Linda seemed happy as a stay at home mom, but she was also overwhelmed. Keeping up with two small children was hard, even for someone with a training in young child education. She made friends in the neighborhood with some of the other mothers. I was busy at work and left her to the task of homemaking. She was great with our kids through potty-training and teaching them to read. Tax season was always crazy, but then so was end of year reporting and end of fiscal year. I was a good provider and we were financially stable.

Romance started to cool down like any marriage, but we were doing okay. Sex was never super exciting, but we enjoyed it. When we were first married it seems like we had sex every night and extra on the weekends. After Max we were tired and made less time for sex. When Marie came along we were lucky if we had sex every other week. I was understanding and figured that once the kids were grown we would reclaim our bedroom.

When Max was five and Marie was three, Linda got pregnant again. We didn't want a really big family, but thought that three or four was manageable. Linda turned 30 during the pregnancy and like the other two, everything seemed fairly easy and routine. However the delivery was a real shit-storm. The baby's heart stopped beating. The umbilical cord prolapsed. There was an emergency C-section. Linda started hemorrhaging badly. The doctors performed a hysterectomy on Linda. Our little girl lived for just 30 hours before she died. Our idyllic little life was gone just like that.

Linda and I grieved in different ways. I threw myself into my work. She focused on the children she had. Max and Marie never wanted for love and attention, but my wife always seemed fragile after that. It wasn't until two years after our baby's death that we tried having sex. Linda tried, but she was still broken inside. She couldn't relax and sex was painful for her. I didn't even try to finish. She started crying from the pain and I got soft in a hurry. In the next two years were tried sex a handful of times, but it always ended up the same.

Our marriage became a business relationship. I earned money. She raised the kids. We shared a bed, but romance was gone. When she looked at me, she felt like a failure as a wife. When I looked at her, all I could think of was her crying out in pain when we tried to have sex. I still loved her and lusted for her, but she just couldn't make herself aroused or feel sexual. Fancy lingerie gathered dust. We were kind and polite to each other, but we had a dead bedroom.

I like to think I was a good husband. I didn't beat my wife. I wasn't an alcoholic. I never cheated on her. But it didn't matter. Nothing I could do would get her aroused. She didn't like kissing me anymore. I would offer her back massages only to be turned down. The level of rejection I felt from her was intolerable.

When I turned forty I had a bit of a mid-life crisis. I felt like the prime of my life was slipping away in a loveless marriage. Max was high school junior and Marie was a high school freshman. I had been promoted into management so my work responsibilities involved more personnel meetings and less time at the office. Linda was involved in community and school activities. I started working out at the gym. I needed an outlet for the energy I wasn't using for sex, and lifting weights seemed like a good outlet. I got into a cross fit exercise class and saw steady improvement in my strength and endurance. I started to believe that I was a good looking guy, despite all evidence from my wife.

***** ***** *****

Max went to college at Purdue University majoring in Civil Engineering. He liked the idea of building bridges, although I suspected he was more likely to be designing waste water facilities, but I wasn't going to rain on his parade. On the drive home after dropping him off Linda and I didn't say much. She was saying how different things would be without Max and how it wouldn't be long before Marie was gone too. I didn't say anything, but I started thinking. Did I want to live the rest of my life like this? Was I willing to go to my grave without ever having sex again?

Two days later I had "the Talk" with Linda.

"Linda, we have a problem. I love you very much, but I am unsatisfied with our sex life. It has been years since we've had sex. Without a physical sexual relationship I find it very hard to feel an emotional connection with you. Right now I feel like we are nothing more than roommates. I want more than that."

"Tom, you know how difficult sex is for me. I've tried so hard, but it just doesn't feel good. It hurts? It really really hurts. What do you want me to do?"

"I don't know, but I need sex. I'm not willing to stop having sex for the rest of my life."

"Well I don't need sex. I'd be happy going the rest of my life without sex. We've had our children. There is no reason why we need to have sex anymore. Why can't you be satisfied with what we've got? We have a beautiful family. Things have been going well. Why isn't that good enough? What's your problem?"

"My problem is that I need sex. I'm tired of masturbating in the shower every night. I've been feeling miserable. I feel like a failure because my wife doesn't find me attractive. How am I supposed to feel about myself when my own wife doesn't even like kissing me?"

"I like kissing you; I just don't want to get your hopes up. If I start kissing you you'll get all hopeful and I don't want to let you down."

"Are you afraid kissing might lead to sex?"

"Sex is very painful. So, yes, I'm afraid it will lead to you wanting sex. I know you want sex, but I have very negative feelings about sex. When I think about kissing, I think about sex which isn't a happy feeling. I'm sorry that I can't be the wife you fantasize about. But nothing is going to get me aroused anymore. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment for you."

"Listen, I don't want to argue about this. I don't think there's anyway I am going to be happy in this marriage anymore. I love you, but I don't intend to live the rest of my life without sex. I just wanted to let you know ahead of time. Marie will be heading off for college in two years. That's how long we have to figure out a solution."

"What does that mean? What are you talking about? Are you going to divorce me?"

"That's a possibility. I need sex. I can get sex from you or I can get it from someone else. I'd rather get it from you, but it'll be your choice."

"I can't believe you would expect me to have sex knowing how painful it is! How can you ask that of me? Don't you love me?"

"I do love you. That's why we are having this conversation. I'm letting you have say in how this proceeds. I see three options. You could start having sex with me. Maybe that means regular blow jobs if intercourse is too painful, but there are things we could try that we haven't tried yet. We could get divorced. I'd pay alimony, but I don't want you accusing me of cheating on you. I'll stick around until Marie is in college and I will pay for college, but once the kids are out I'm going to stop wasting my life."

"Do you consider our marriage a waste of your life? I can't believe you would throw all we have away for sex!"

"I can't believe you value my happiness so little. I need something you can't or won't give me. Rather than make you unhappy too, I want to move on and go find it. Option three is we could stay married but you would give me permission to out and find someone else to meet my needs."

"So you want to cheat on me!"

"No. Cheating implies I am lying to you about it. I would be completely honest. If you ask me I will tell you who, what and when. If you don't want to know, you won't have to. But you would have to give your permission. If you aren't okay with me finding a sex partner we can get a divorce. But I'm not going to live the rest of my life without sex."

"I guess your wedding vow doesn't mean anything to you. If you just want to find some tramp to screw."

"Linda, I made a vow of monogamy, not celibacy. You have a choice of whether or not you have sex, but I get to make that choice too."

"I don't like the idea of you bringing home some whore to have sex with."

"Fine. I can promise never to have sex with someone else here. I can get a hotel or rent an apartment for that purpose. That is why I am talking to you about it now. We have two more years until Marie leaves for college. That's plenty of time to work out the details. Think about it and let me know your preference. But don't pretend this conversation didn't happen. It's not going to just go away."

Linda stared at me for a while and started to cry. I had caused this, but I wasn't going to stop it either. I was miserable and she knew it. I was meeting women at the gym who were flirty and friendly. I had turned down a few offers to get drinks after working out, so I knew my future didn't automatically mean I would be alone. I wasn't going to cheat on my wife, but I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life living like a monk either.

We didn't discuss it for about a month, but when we did she brought it up. "So how were you going to meet your lady friends? Were you going to put an ad in the newspaper? Or do you already have a girlfriend lined up?"

"I don't have anyone lined up. I have never cheated on you. I hadn't thought about how I would meet someone. There have been some girls at the gym who have flirted with me. But there's Ashley Madison, Craigslist, Tinder. I'm sure I could fine someone."

"Is there some girl at work you have in mind? Is there some slut secretary throwing herself at you?"

"No! There is no one I'm thinking about. And I certainly don't want to get my work life mixed up in my personal life. You know what they say 'Don't shit where you eat.' "

She rolled her eyes at me. She had heard that line before. "I don't trust you to find someone safe. I don't want you picking up some strange disease. What if someone tries to blackmail you?"

"That's why I would need your permission first. I can't be blackmailed if you already know about it."

"I don't think you're a very good judge of character. I'm afraid you'll just fall in bed with the first slut who opens her legs for you. What if she takes advantage of you? What if she demands money? What if she is looking for a sugar daddy?"

"I'm not interested in a relationship where I have to pay to play. I think I know what I am looking for and I can be patient enough to find it."

She harrumphed but didn't say anything more. She wasn't thinking something, but she was done talking today.

Then about three weeks later she brought up our conversation again. "How often do you think you need sex? What are we talking about?"

"I would like to be having sex three times a week. I'm okay not having sex when you're on your period, but there are other things you can do instead."

"I don't think I'm up for that. I don't like doing oral sex. It makes me feel icky."

"It's your choice."

"I can't believe you would force me to have sex when you know how much it hurts."

"I'm not forcing you to do anything. I'm giving you a choice."

"Oh yeah, you're just a hell of a gentleman! You son of a bitch! How can you leave me over sex. I'm doing the best I can!"

"I know you are doing your best. That's why I am willing to leave. We will never be happy together without an active sex life."

"But we were happy! Everything was fine before you brought this up!"

"No. You were happy. I was miserable. I can't believe you didn't notice."

"It's just a phase you're going through. You don't like getting old. All married couples stop having sex when they get old."

"I'm only 43. I'm not ready to give up sex. It's fine if you are, but you don't get to choose for me."

"I'm your wife! Doesn't that mean anything?"

"Of course it does. We're having this conversation right now. I'm not cheating on you. I want to find a solution we can both be happy with."

"I'm not going to be happy with you screwing strange women."

"I'm not happy with not having sex. I've already spent the last ten years without sex. That has to come to an end."

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. She didn't start sobbing, but she was just so heart broken. I didn't have anything more to say so left the room.

We didn't talk about it during the holiday season. Max came home for Thanksgiving. He spent most of his time hanging out with his friends, but he still picked up the added tension in the household. At Christmas he was home for longer. We celebrated as a family, but both the kids were worried. Max asked me if his mother was okay. He was worried she was sick, as if she had cancer but wasn't telling anyone. I said we were just adjusting to becoming empty nesters and spending more time together. He accepted that but didn't sound convinced. I think he wanted to ask us if we were getting divorced, but he didn't want to be the first to mention it.

About a week after Max returned to school Linda initiated another conversation with me.

"You know my friend, Tracy? Her husband left her eight years ago. He met some young thing at his bowling league. They started screwing and then fell in love. He left Tracy and married his new girl."

"I'm not looking for someone to fall in love with. I just want physical affection. I need to feel an emotional connection."

"Tracy said I need to find a way to take care of you. She hasn't had sex since her husband left. She told me I needed to be more sympathetic to you. She said it's harder than I realize."

I shrugged. I already knew it was hard.

"She's not the only one. I was telling Emily about your demands. Her husband left her too. She said she wished her man had said something before he left. Emily didn't think she would miss having him around, but she does. She said I should listen to you."

"Have you made a decision? What's it going to be?"

"I don't want you going out to find strange women. I worry about you picking up strange diseases. I don't trust your judgement."

"Do you want to meet them and have me get your approval? I don't want to be cruel. It would be easier for you if you didn't meet them."

"Would you trust me to find dates for you? I think I know what you like."

"I don't think that's a good idea. Are you sure you want to get involved in this?"

"I think you don't know a thing about meeting women. I think you're likely to get robbed or taken advantage of. Or worse you might fall in love. I can find safe women who aren't looking for a relationship."

"How are you going to find dates for me? Do you think you'll have more luck using the want ads?"

"Trust me. Let me try and if it doesn't work out we can try something else."

"Okay. We can try." We were still over a year from Marie moving out. I hadn't talked to a lawyer or anything yet. I was willing to see what Linda was capable of.

***** ***** *****

About a month later I came home from work to find Linda waiting in the kitchen for me. She told me that Tracy needed help with her computer. Linda told me to head over to her house after dinner. Marie was home and we had a polite dinner with the three of us. Marie went to her room after dinner to work on her homework and I went over to Tracy's house.

Tracy met me at the door wearing a big terry cloth bathrobe. She smiled nervously and welcomed me in. She was drinking a glass of wine and she offered me a beer. I wasn't thinking about drinking this evening, but I didn't want to refuse her hospitality so I accepted. She asked how I was doing and made some light conversation. I knew that she and Linda had spoken about our intimacy problems, but that was between Linda and Tracy. I didn't feel like I knew Tracy well enough to share my feelings with her. Once I got through about half the bottle of beer I asked her to show me where the computer was. She smiled and led me into the spare bedroom. Her computer was set up on the desk against one wall.

"So what's wrong with your computer?" I asked.

"Nothing. It's working fine."

"What? I don't understand." I turned just in time to see the bathrobe drop from her shoulders. She was completely naked underneath.

She looked at me with nervous eyes. "Linda was hoping you'd like to have sex with me. I'd like that too."

Tracy was 39 and about 5 foot 10 inches tall. She was a big strong woman. She had wide hips, broad shoulders and was stacked. She wasn't a delicate flower. She worked on an assembly line and had muscular arms. She had black hair with streaks of gray. She had a small heart tattoo on her hip and full bush. She took a few small tentative steps toward me until she was close enough to kiss me. She was almost as tall as I was and she was looking into my eyes for a response.

I was dumbfounded. This was Linda's plan; to arrange for me to screw her friends. Tracy was pretty enough. She had tan arms and pale breasts. Her two kids had moved out already. Her youngest was the same age as our Max. Tracy never went to college, had married young and started having kids young. She was probably as sexual inexperienced as Linda and I. My brain was frozen like deer in the headlights, until she smiled at me and said "Please."