Confessions of a Mailgirl Ch. 15

I looked on in shock and awe as Diana masturbated in front of me with an intensity I'd rarely seen before. I looked up nervously at the tenth floor door above us and then down to the door below leading onto the ninth floor. Although it was mostly mailgirls who used these stairs, norms looking to get in a little exercise would also occasionally show up on them. I had no idea what would happen if one of them came through a door right now and caught Diana rubbing one out in the stairwell but I doubted it would go well with Barbara for either of us.

Thankfully it didn't take long before Diana's body jerked several times and a moan escaped her clenched lips despite her best efforts to suppress it. I was worried for a moment that she might lose her balance so I moved quickly up the stairs to grab her. She placed her arms around me and I felt the warmth of her skin against mine as another spasm rocked her body.

I continued to hold Diana tightly as her breathing began to slow and I felt her body becoming limp. "Let's go down to the next landing," I whispered. She nodded and grasped the handrail as I slowly walked her down the stairs. When we reached the landing I gently lowered her to the floor. Diana placed her back against the wall, then pressed her knees against her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs. I let her sit there and decompress for several minutes but started worrying when she didn't say anything. She finally started to speak without looking up. "Holy fuck," she said quietly as she began rocking back and forth. "I can't believe I just did that."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. But...wow. That was so intense." She sat silently again for a few moments before looking up into my face. "You must think I'm nuts, right?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't. I know how this job can get your, um...juices flowing."

"I don't know, I probably am kind of nuts right now, but thanks for that anyway," she replied.

Diana lowered her head and began rocking again. "You know, when I was standing there naked in front of all those corporate suits and they were treating me like I was nothing even though I'm going to be starring in their movie, I kept thinking I should be so fucking angry about that. Instead all I felt was...horny. And when that asshole came up and started inspecting my body I got even hornier. If that had gone on much longer I would have fucking come right there in front of all of them, I know I would have. Is that weird, Danica? Is there something wrong with me?"

"I don't think so," I replied. "At least I hope not since I feel like that all the time. The more humiliating things are for me the more turned on I get. Even on a normal day I have this low level buzz going through my body pretty much all the time."

"You're lucky then, I guess. Unless you'd rather not be in a constant state of arousal which doesn't sound like it would suck to me."

"That's just it, I don't know if I do or not. Sometimes I feel like I could live like this forever and other times I'm worried that might actually happen. I'm afraid I'll become trapped in this bizarre fantasy world that I can't control or escape from."

"You can always quit when your contract is up, right? I mean, you're not a slave."

"No, I'm not a slave." Not yet anyway, I thought to myself. But a slave is exactly what Barbara intended to make me and so far she'd always gotten everything she'd ever put her mind to getting. Not for the first time I wondered whether I'd already gone past the point of no return without knowing it.

"I heard somewhere that you're naked all the time, even away from work. Is that true?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Is that by choice?" she asked.

"More or less. Barbara Anderson is encouraging me to do it. I think her ultimate goal is to force mailgirls to stay nude all of the time, 24 hours a day, and I'm her guinea pig." I was a little surprised I was talking about this to someone I'd just met. Although I definitely wasn't about to go into detail about the steps Barbara had taken to "encourage" me to remain nude, this was still more than I'd told any of the other mailgirls other than Anna and Kelly. For some reason I felt an instant connection with Diana. Maybe it was because I felt like I knew her on some level because I'd seen her grow up on television. But that was Ellie Bixby I'd seen growing up, I reminded myself, not Diana Clarkson. They weren't really the same person.

"So when was the last time you wore clothes?" she asked.

"A few months ago when my mom was in town."

I'd been talking to my mom regularly on the phone but when she insisted on coming to visit I didn't know what to expect when I told Barbara about it. I thought she might force me to stay naked and humiliate myself in front of my mom but she hadn't done that. Instead she'd given me the week off of work and permission to wear Anna's clothes.

It was great seeing Mom again but at times there had also been an uncomfortable silence between us. We never talked about my job as a mailgirl, or the nature of my relationship with Anna, or how we'd come to be living in such an expensive condo. I think she decided there were some things she'd just rather not know and that was okay with me. There were things I knew I couldn't tell her. Maybe someday, but not now.

"So what was it like wearing clothes after all that time?" Diana asked.

"Weird. Constrictive. To be honest I was glad when I could take them off again."

"God, what a life you're living! It's unimaginable to me, although I'm definitely starting to get a taste of it."

"Could you ever imagine yourself doing something like this full time?" I asked. "I mean, not just playing a part in a movie but full time in real life?" I don't know why I asked her that. I guess maybe I was looking for some validation from her for the choices I'd made in my life.

Diana pondered the question for a minute before answering. "I have imagined it, Danica. I've imagined it a lot."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah. You know when I said that if this movie flops I might have to become a full time mailgirl? I was kind of joking but also kind of wasn't, if that makes any sense. When my agent first called and told me they were interested in me for this role I told him no fucking way. But then I went online to do some research. I watched your video when you were onstage with Barbara and I found tons of pictures and videos of naked DDE mailgirls running around in front of clothed workers."

Diana stopped rocking and looked up at me. "Normally I wouldn't be telling someone I barely know all of this, but since you just watched me masturbate I figure why the hell not? Danica, I really got off on seeing those pictures and videos and started fantasizing about what it would be like to be one of those girls. Thinking about being forced to work naked in front of a bunch of clothed people became a huge turn on for me. I've spent many a masturbation session fantasizing about it. And I've got to say that so far the reality has lived up to the fantasy for me."

"I noticed."

"Yeah, I'm sure you did," she smiled. Then she grew introspective again. "I don't know, maybe it just shows just how pathetic my life is right now that I'm excited about getting to play at being a lowly mailgirl for awhile." She suddenly looked up at me guiltily. "I'm so sorry, Danica, that really came out wrong. I didn't mean that you..."

"That's okay, Diana," I said to her. "I am just a lowly mailgirl."

Diana shook her head. "No, you're not. I'm not in any position to be condescending towards anyone right now, especially someone as beautiful and smart as you are." She sat quietly for a few moments before speaking again. "Danica, my life really sucks right now. I just got out of an abusive relationship, I'm suing my own fucking father, and I feel like I'm already washed up as an actress and nobody wants me anymore. And I'm just twenty-two!" she blurted out in a half laugh, half sob. She wiped a tear from her eye. "I know, First World problems, right? Poor little Hollywood actress. I'm sure the last thing you needed today was an invitation to a pity party."

I sat down next to Diana and put an arm around her. "Pity party, table for two," I said as Diana choked back a laugh. "Hey, I'm in a pretty weird place myself right now," I said to her. "I'm involved in one dying relationship while also caught up in another one that's...God, I don't even know how to begin to describe that relationship. And my Mailgirls contract is coming to an end at the end of the week, so there's that."

Diana turned and looked at me. "You mean you might not be here after this week?"

"I don't know. I really don't know what's going to happen."

"You haven't decided yet if you're going to stay or leave?"

"It's complicated, Diana," I said. "I may not have any choice but to leave. I may also not have any choice but to stay." A puzzled look came across her face. "Don't ask me to explain," I laughed. "Like I said, it's complicated."

As I sat there holding Diana I suddenly realized how much I'd been craving just this type of simple human touch that didn't involve head games, orders, constraints, or role playing. Just skin on skin, warmth on warmth. I thought about the weird confluence of events that had led me to this place and this moment with this girl I barely knew. I thought about my future and wondered how long it would be before I'd be able to experience a moment like this again.

I took a quick glance at my MMU and sighed. "We really need to get moving, Diana. Everything we do is logged and if we spend too much time here someone's going to notice and ask questions." And by "someone" I meant "Barbara."

"Always on the leash, huh?" Diana said.

"Always." I got up on my feet and held out my hand to Diana. She smiled at me as I helped her up and then leaned in and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was one of those moments in life that seem small at the time but, through time and circumstance, become forever etched in your memory.

What I couldn't have known in that moment, though, was that Barbara's leash would become a nearly unbreakable chain by the end of the day.