All Comments on 'Consequences, Marie Ch. 02'

Thoroughly entertaining, and well-written. Parts were a bit....weird, imho. But overall, a very nice pair of chapters. I'm looking forward to the next edition.

-- KK in Texas

very well written and totally absorbing.Well done.

Really enjoyed the relationship part of this story. Looking forward to more from you.

enough people showed interest in the lives of the father and daughter to warrant a continuation of the story. Wrapped everything up nicely. Killed off crazy mom (because that's what she deserved right?), changed daughter's name and age so it doesn't come off so much as midlife crisis guy fucking his barely out of her teens daughter but just another May/December love. Will they be having any of their own kids/grandkids? The daughter/wife, whatever, is young you would think that is something she'd want to experience with her "husband". But then again pops already had two kids so maybe life wouldn't be so good being tied down with more at his age. Sorry about the sarcasm. Love your writing; the original story irritated me, so I don't know why I'm surprised that this one did too.

I really liked your story. I can tell a lot of effort went into it. However, just do me one favor: please don't ever use "life is good" in any of your future stories. I can't take it anymore. Please! ;-)

I love how You weave reality into your relationships, and make your characters so believable. And when You do the Incest/Taboo stories, You shine. Each personality blends and becomes cohesive with the story as it pulls the reader into the story until they can't wait to turn the page and continue reading.

When Marie left the letters of apology for her 'family', I can't help but wonder if she finally realized what she had truly 'lost'. It's too bad Bart couldn't find forgiveness for his nephew for things that didn't happen but which he blamed Jake for doing. What a sorry sorry man he is.

Lovely characters and I hope each person who reads your stories knows someone in real life who is just as loving and love-filled as those of your creating who fill the pages. We should all be so lucky to know love, and to be as loved, as what You have written about.

I crave to know/have the depth of feeling portrayed in Your words.

Any chance of a 3rd chapter waiting in the wings?

Marie was right to get the fuck away from her sick-o husband and daughter.

Great fantasy stuff tinged with a whole host of practical detail to make it believable. Well, almost ...

Certainly deserves some follow-on chapters!

I like your work there is a “real life” quality to it. I've read several of your stories and while there are elements of fantasy in them there are those everyday life things as well. Keep up the good work.

good story overall but a couple of problems

1) when they got to SDP and found the truck and workers missing the normal thing to do would be to call the police and have an APB put out for thierarrest for stealing the truck and breaking thier contract

2) when pete and megan took over the SDP they were given a set amount of money to use per month there is no way they would be able to hire kim,beth the pool guy and the laundry guy without going over budget

3)in chapter one the sons girl friend is amy but in chapter two when they go back to cal. for the moms funeral the exgirlfiends name is chrissy stop confusing the readers and keep better track of what you write and keep it atleast sounding somewhat believable and realistic it takes away from the story if you don't

wow what a great story. i loved the fact you put in so much detail of running the park. Thank you

Good story, excellent writing.

de Jay

The anonymous nitpicker complains but doesn't suggest the fix. Get a white board that dry erases and make a chart for the characters with relationships and quirks for each one. It would also help if you made a time line for each story with events listed. This is a bother but will keep it all clear in your head while you are working on it.

p.s. You frequently use "your" when you mean to say "you are". The contraction for this is "you're". A pain, I know, but a bit of a distraction for the over educated.

Rich, rewarding, full of life. You are a great writer.

You do so well with this work -

No matter your bent - poly, parent child, D/s it all has a common overwhelming thread of dedicated caring and love from the main Character to all around him.

It is sometime painful always wonderful and usual intellectually challenging - great work AGAIN!

Every once in a while it is rushed at the end - this one did push through a bit quick but not too bad.

like the way he treated his son. By virtue of the fact that the son was with the uncle, he ends up being an employee and not a partner? Selfish act by the father and the daughter, to say the least.

a few screwups but not bad and a pretty good end unlike your other story SISTERS OR NOT that has so many holes in the plot and a piss poor end to it. you added a second chapter here time to think about finishing S.O.N.

This story was awful, i didn't like the way he treated his son. Nor did i like the sister acting like a bratty bitch to her brother. Why would you treat your son that way? The sister didnt earn anything by doing hard work it fell in her lap. But the son was treated like the red headed step child. Uhh literally pissed me off

I am constantly surprised that the negative comments mostly come from the cowards who are not brave or courteous enough to identify themselves nor are they willing to demonstrate their own abilities, if any.

I personally found the above to be a very pleasant read with sufficient sex to be titillating but not quite as grossly crude as some of the submissions. Liked it

I think sometimes those anonymouses aren't reading the same story!

I found this story to be Scorpios usual standard. A well constructed storyline and excellent grammar and spelling. The sex is always loving and definitely fits the erotic label.

but only until I can get the system to accept my new e-mail address. I hated the story ('cause I wanted it to go on and on :) I am a lover of novels and trilogies. When a story is as well written a Scorpio's are, I hate for them to end. The character developement is always pretty much in place; the story line has been developed; the story is well begun and then it ends. Even though Scorpi's stories are great I am always left hanging.

I will (of course) read everything he writes because he is on my "A-list" of authors and is one of the best I have ever read on Lit. I don't like stories because I have a problem, not because he does.

Thanks again Scorp, great job.

p.s. I suspect the person who didn't like the way Jake was treated is a spoiled brat who wants his mommy and daddy to take care of him till he is 73 years old. He missed one of the main themes in the story. We ALL need to be responsible adults, and treating ANYBODY any differently enables/encourages them to remain babies.

I always want these kind of stories to go on and on. Even at 71 I can appreciate all you are trying ti say.

It is a story of courage. Well, maybe self-confidence is a better word. Either way, there are a lot of us who live by someone else's rules and it really doesn't matter whether the rules are religious, ideological or otherwise. They opress, but lots of us haven't got the courage to even admit the fact to ourselves. And that usualy results in our great loss.

I guess the erotic or rather sexual nature of this story is just designed to draw more attention or maybe also to say that we are the least confident in this field.

Yes, this is the message: live independently or you die.

Thank you, S44.

nothing you could call erotic in it but the whole thing just rolled along at a good pace and showed the evolving love for all the people they came in to contact with and the building up of trust and relationships....a great story - loved it - it was very sad when his ex wife died and the uncle was just a total jerk.....when they visited the dying Jack in hospital and she then Elaine let him have one last suckle on their nipples was just so touching and tender....what a great family they ended up with at the resort....just how life should be...made me shed a few tears .....

Thank you for writing this, Scorpio. This is a different type story and was very interesting. I thought it ended abruptly but you got all the necessary information so just forget the mild complaint. Being raised by religious fanatics I can certainly empathize with the recipients of Marie's craziness. This was certainly believable and brought bad memories to me although Mother was not quite that crazy. We discovered that she had multi-infarct dementia and the doctor said that these little strokes she had throughout her life led to her crazed treatment of her friends and relatives the last few years of her life. Thankfully she died calmly and sometimes realized where she was. Sorry for all the personal stuff, this story brought it out. Thank you again for writing this.

This is one of the best I have read

Very well written, plausible, even inevitable given the wife's behavior

Well done and an enjoyable read. Thanks.

Please keep up this kind of writing. Love the novellas.

Such a great example of consequences.

One word...

Hidious