by janon314
Eh, I wanted to like it. I was searching for stories featuring a female boss but wanted more than cheap sex, I also wanted it to develop into something besides one sex scene.
Fine premise.
Nicely told.
You could use an editor/proofreader. You wrote: "Tony's college..." You meant COLLEGUE. And you mix tenses in the same sentence.
After all the buildup about her breasts, there's really nothing about them being enjoyed. Too bad.
And the ending left a lot to be desired.
Four stars.
LOVED your story. I didn't
see any mistakes that were worth mentioning .. Your style and humor were outstanding. Even though the build up was slow in a teasing way, I was sure you wold be rewarded in end......AAAAA+++++
This story cries out for Part II and maybe a Part III. Looking forward to reading about the morning after the night before, and the morning after that...
Where you set the story is entirely up to you. Stating the main character is American doesn’t mean it’s set in America. I’ve got a similar amount of stories as you and although there’s only one story specifically set in America the others could be UK or USA.
I really enjoyed your story. My perverted mind is still trying to work out what “keening” is 😂. I’m still smiling because that’s the kind of thing you’re quite likely to find in one of mine. The occasional lapse did nothing to affect my enjoyment of the story. It’s quite common to find lapses in stories (except for mine, of course. 🙄.)
The build up to the actual sex, which was really well done, was exactly right. Many writers would either have him jump on her within minutes or her seduce him and have him shattered by next morning. The sex wasn’t over the top. Well done. 👍. It could have a sequel or left as a stand alone.
5 stars all the way. 👌
Be nice to read a second chapter on how they try to hide the office fucking from the other staff.
Only downsides. I thought his not being gay could have waited until after the first night. He could have gotten all sorts of views as she paraded in low levels of being dressed thinking he was just one of the girls.
Other is that it is hard to envisage a career high achiever going without clean changes of clothing, even though it was part of the intended story.
But I did like what you wrote.
That was far superior to most of what I come across here. Well done and more please!
Pay no attention to the rants if they are Annon, if they have to hide behind Annon you can take it for what it's NOT worth. If they wanted perfection and weren't cheep bastards they'd actually pay for decent porn.
I'm almost to the point of turning off Annon posts on my submissions.
If you're looking for a UK to USA translator drop me a line. And a second pair of eyes will catch most of the spelling / grammar errors as well.
Would love to see a other chapter and see what happens when they get back to the office!
Hope to see another chapter and this develop into a romance! I love a good love story!
Canada is America. Mexico is America. Venezuela, Peru, Brasil, Uruguay are America. America is a continent that extends from Alaska to Tierra del Fuego. So, when you write about "American" is confusing. You should say "US English".
I would agree with Major Rewrite, you should have kept it english themed. It would have helped with the fact that your "american" didn't "type" very American while writing this tale for us. Otherwise it still needs an editor, the flow was a bit dodgy. However, it seems you could potentially have a romance or just a few more erotic moments for the two. While I am only giving this story 3 stars, I hope to see more.
Good tease. Good characters.
I don’t understand why you set it in the US instead of the UK. Write what you know! It’s the easy way to avoid mistakes.
Tittiliating!
A second chapter is indeed in order.
What to tell the desk-mate to dispel any fantasies he may have?
What to do to nail Carol tot he wall? Is she on the next convention with a trey?
And what to do with, "The Dragon"? Something tells me she should be gone by 5 PM, after parading around Marianne's office naked in J's presence for nearly and hour. Just as the day's lesson!
BTW, yeah, you need an editor. You do write like a NoDak!
Yes you need a second chapter and despite a few grammatical errors it was a superb and sexy story. I loved the build up and the sensual teasing. Keep it going for at least 2 more chapter? See if they continue the romance after getting back to the office? See if they fall in love and live together then marry?
5 stars