All Comments on 'Countdown'

This is a wonderful concept for a story. Don't let the grammar nazis drive you down. I can feel them reaching for their red pens already (lol) there is so much more of this story to tell us and I'm sucked in already!

Good concept and writing style. Yes you need to edit more carefully but that will come with time. I want to know more about these two, always a sign of a good story.

Not bad for your first time at erotica . You had a few mistakes in spelling and grammar but all in all a fine job . You can Get some help from people on here . I hope you take advantage of it. Don't take the bad reviews to seriously most can't write and the one that can always offer help . Thanks for your story hope you do more with it .Good luck .

Folks who expect kings’ English in erotic stories such as this should stick with Shakespeare, perhaps Dickens’. You should be thanked for taking the time to tell a story without a charge, not the other way around.

Next chapter please.

Don't listen to these jackasses it a great love story that needs to go on.

Although I like the premise, the spelling and grammar errors made reading this so much work that I could not finish it. If you go back and rework the entire manuscript, I would be interested, but I cannot tolerate the errors. You've got a good imaginative sense. You just need to spend some time with a good editor.

Please continue this story.....i loved it .....

There are those that help edit and proofread...for free, here on Literotica.... PLEASE use on next time!!!

Absolutely listen to the jackasses. Get a proofreader. You took a story that could have been a solid 3+, and wrecked it.

the worst spelling I've ever experienced. Please get yourself an editor and continue to write!

As everyone else is saying... You need an editor... Amazing story otherwise... I know normally most people dont care about backstory... But I would like to learn more about the scars and "contracts" that flip deals with... Either way, looking forward to an edited part 2

fallow-follow

coast-cost

rolls-roles

those are just the first ones I found

While this had potential I have to agree the consistent errors took me out of the vision you had created.

Completely unreadable, due to the constantly appalling spelling.

there vs their

I stopped reading it partway down the first page because you overdid the development of the "bitch" persona, and I really didn't want to go on. In the small part I read, I felt there was not adequate proof-reading.

I'm not trying to be a pain. I really hate giving negative feedback.

I don't need to talk about the mistakes and all. Others already stated them. I would like to read more of this story though. It is interesting. I want to know my about flip and her sister. Looking forward to your continuation :)

Beautiful story.Please write more

Even though there were a few spelling mistakes the human brain can still figure out what the word is no matter what keep up the great work loving it :)

Yes,your glaring grammar and spelling errors are ATROCIOUS,and how many times did you have to point out that the sister is a bitch? WE GOT IT,you clearly established it,quit harping on it every fourth paragraph. I am curious about the brother's line of work,though.

The spelling and grammar were atrocious but that's something that can be worked on. Parts of the story got away from character development and became a little repetitive, but all in all the story itself was great. Try to focus on learning new words (and the appropriate forms of the words that you use, their, they're and there, point and case) a lot of the sentences were incredibly repetitive and were hard to get through. But keep writing! I would love to see a continuation of this story elapsing the next several days and maybe developing the male character background. The mystery man thing is kind of cool for about a page, but after that, you should really be dropping more information about him to maintain interest. otherwise your story becomes, "Mystery man older brother bangs pop star little sister," which isn't necessarily played out, but it is a little obvious. Creating depth to your characters is important. Like with the sister going into debt, feeling insecure, and moving back home. These things are the kind of story development that keep readers coming back for more. Don't be afraid to use them. And by the way: if someone doesn't have the balls to make a comment with their account, and they aren't offering you constructive criticism, you shouldn't worry about what they have to say. FYI

This was a beautiful story & I really hope you make a part 2. They really do seem meant for each other. They care about each other so much. I love that I can imagine how scared she must be for him when she sees the scars. How she must be close to tears because of it. How she wants to kiss them better & make him ok. The sister is the one that seems to have the issues, but he's just as messed up & scarred (Literally & metaphorically) even if he is more grounded. He's a loner who's detached himself. I wanna know what the future holds for them. I wanna know what he does. I wanna know if they move together & become a permanent couple. How her mind & life changes after finally getting what she's always wanted. Their parent's reactions.

Good start of this story.

I would like you to write the continuation of this story about the relationship of the two twins. Their relationship seems to be promising.

I can not qualify on their grammatical mistakes, and I have no great knowledge of the English language. Anyway, you can always ask the help of an editor to try to correct grammatical errors.

I hope to read soon the next part.

5* for you.

I apologize for my English, is not my native language.

There are typos and there are mistakes so atrocious that you just can't read! I could feel the potential that maybe this is a good story but I wouldn't know now would I? I tried. No really, I tried very hard to get past the spelling and grammatical errors but I couldn't even reach 3/4 of first page before I gave up, directly clicked on 4th page(last page) and here I am commenting. I think Microsoft word would have easily corrected all the major and even many of the minor errors and for free!!! So please make sure that if you write any stories in future, at the very least the format is correct or the mood simply vanishes if every other sentences just stands out as an erroneous one!

J. Jamie Dupane

You really need an editor

the errors really ruined a good start of a reasonable storyline. Things like "entered a finger in her..." literally means he was entering into his finger that was inside her, not pushing his finger in her, Add the constant references to his scars and globe-trotting without explanation was simply distracting and didn't add to the story.

I can't wait for the next part please hurry I'm really looking forward to it. Also if you want I can be your editor.

Excellent story. Like the question of what he does. Like the storyline. That is why the typos are so bothersome. Fix those and it is a 5 star.

Please keep this story going. Love to read what happens for the next 2 weeks and everything after that. I really enjoyed this chapter.

Unfortunately your spelling is so utterly appalling, and your inability to put a coherent sentence together, made it impossible for me to get past about the middle of the second page on my screen. Especially when you wrote SON instead of SUN. That was one of god knows how many spelling mistakes you made, such as disserve, instead of deserve, fallow instead of follow, than instead of then, the list would just go on and on. Sorry but for me this story is unreadable as it is just too infuriating.

But your spelling would embarrass an undereducated 12 year old.

Learn the difference between there, their, and they're

To walk behind someone is to follow, fallow is leaving a field unplanted for a year to rest the soil

I wish someone would pick this story (as the writer is not seen for sometime) to polish it and make it the real 5 star story idea that it has. It has a very good plot. Not much needed to make it a great series too.

Wish I could give it a 5 star. Man... I really want to edit this story myself. Not much hope of getting edited version of this one I guess as the writer is not seen for 5 years.

PLEASE SOMEONE PICK THIS ONE IF POSSIBLE.

Awful spelling