by LoverOfEmlissa
However it would read better if you would remember 2 basic things from English 101. First, when you change speakers, change paragraphs. I am an old man and have to use reading glasses and that makes it hard enought to figure out who is saying what to whom without having to search through an inch of paragraph. Second, when you change themes or topics change paragraphs!
This may seem like trifling stuff but it is stuff I learmed in 8th grade wayyy back in the Neolithic! This detracts from the flow of the story which is not what you want.