All Comments on 'Couples Vacation Ch. 01'

Well written...I always appreciate authors who respect their readers enough to thoroughly proof-read their material. Looking forward to seeing where this goes, not to mention finding out why Wendy's pussy was so wet.

One glance from a hundred feet away and they would know he was stroking himself. They could walk right by when she has been sprayed with cum... and not notice? I don't think so.

Twelve inches? Hello bruised cervix. Sorry, not quite believable, even for fiction.

Not a bad story, so far, but your exaggeration of certain things and acts diminishes it in my eyes.

MASSIVE tits, 12 INCH cock, JAMMED her finger up his ass...

Too much. Can't believe any of it. I'm a firm believer in making it real, and therefore, erotic.

I went to the urologist. He jammed his finger up my ass. It hurt and was uncomfortable. My wife 'slides' her finger slowly up my ass and strokes my prostate, and I erupt like Old Faithful. There's a difference, but then subtle doesn't seem to fit your style.

try to keep up with your own story, 100 feet is nearly twice the distance of 20 yards [60 feet] - there needs to be SOME realism to the story.

However, what's with the typical LW doofus, insecure, lead male characters? Isn't it possible to create an erotic story with a male who has a brain?

In both stories you went about into the story about a third of the way any suddenly switched to present tense. What gives? Please do not write in present tense. It's annoying to read.

If you want to make your stories more appealing to most of the LW audience, you should make sure the main male character is also the alpha male.

This just sounds like a cheating story. I am pretty sure Wendy has already been cheating before the vacation. I can already tell he is going to be cucked. Loving wife my ass.

this could be good, but when you put 12" cocks in, it just becomes sci-fi/fantasy BS.

Silly juvenile wet dream.