Courtesan Ch. 04

Kelly looked at me. After a moment she said, "An ex courtesan and it almost sounded like you were proud of it."

I shrugged. "I don't know, maybe I am."

My wife stared at me for a very long time. Finally she said, "Timmy this is all incredibly confusing."

I nodded. "Yes it certainly is."

"Okay, so you had dinner at the Goldenrod Supper Club."

"It was wonderful. I had a fillet mignon."

I nodded approvingly. "You were living well."

"Yes, the firm was taking very good care of me."

"What did you do after dinner?"

"I went back to Tonya's office."

"Tonya's office?"

Kelly nodded. "She'd given me a key that afternoon. Her office had a private bathroom with a shower and a huge closet. I later learned that all the hostesses had offices like that."

"Did you have one of those offices?"

"Yes, after I officially became a hostess I did."

Suddenly I had a very troubling thought. I stared at my wife. "I assume that your office contained a large wardrobe of sexy clothing that I knew nothing about."

Kelly sighed. "Yes Timmy it did."

I closed my eyes and remembered the neglect, indifference and sexual frustration that I'd been forced to endure for the past eight months. As I thought about it anger began to well up inside of me.

Looking at my wife, I said; "For the past year, you've used those sexy outfits to tantalize and excite a host of strange men; but for some reason you were never able to find the time or interest to treat me, your husband, to the sight of you wearing any of them."

There was an icy tone in my voice. It alarmed Kelly. She shook her head and quickly answered. "Timmy I never brought them home. They were always kept in my office. They belonged to the firm."

"Don't lie to me Kelly. The lingerie that I saw in your travel bag after you came back from Las Vegas last week was part of that wardrobe, wasn't it?"

My wife quietly answered, "Yes it was."

"Kelly you lied to me that afternoon and it was a silly lie. You told me that you had that lingerie so you could wear it and feel sexy while you masturbated."

Kelly closed her eyes. "Yes, I did." Shaking her head, she added; "When I hear it now I'm ashamed of myself. It was a stupid thing to say."

Suddenly a wave of anger overwhelmed me. I glared at my wife. "Kelly that afternoon you also had the audacity to accuse me of masturbating."

Kelly quietly answered, "I know, I'm sorry Timmy."

I looked at her. "The night before, when you were in Las Vegas, did you go there to meet a man?"

"Yes."

"Did you wear that hot dress and sexy lingerie for him."

Kelly took a deep breath and whispered, "Yes."

I chuckled. "The same clothes that you couldn't be bothered to wear for me, your loving husband."

My wife didn't say anything, she just stared at the floor."

"Kelly, did you let him fuck you that night?"

"Yes."

"How many times? Tell me the truth Kelly, don't lie."

"Twice."

"Did you let him cum inside you?"

"Yes."

"Both times?"

"Yes."

"Did you suck his cock?"

"Yes, when we first met in the hotel room. That was before we went down to have dinner in the restaurant."

"Did you you let him cum in your mouth."

"Yes, you know I always do that."

"Yes I do."

"Did you spend the night with him?"

"Yes, that's part of the deal when I meet a guy in Vegas. He has me for the entire night.'

"The entire night?" I laughed. "Kelly it's been over a year since I've had you for an entire night."

My wife shook her head. "Timmy, that's not true. It can't be true."

"Think about Kelly, it is true."

Kelly buried her face in her hands. She was clearly upset, but I was in no mood to let up on her.

"Did you let him fuck you again the next morning?"

Kelly didn't look up she just mumbled, "Yes."

"Kelly you let a stranger cum inside you four times in less than twenty-four hours. Do you know how many times you've let me cum inside you in the last four months? You've probably forgotten, so I'll tell you. Zero Kelly, not one time. We haven't made love at all in the last two months and in the two months before that we only made love twice and on those two occasions all you were willing to do was give me a handjob."

I raised my voice. "That afternoon, after enjoying the pleasure of getting laid three times and sucking a guys cock at least once, you had the audacity to accuse me of masturbating. Well Kelly, I do masturbate. I masturbate constantly. I have to, do you want to know why?"

My wife didn't look at me. She kept her face buried in her hands.

"I'll tell you why Kelly, I have to masturbate because my wife lost all interest in having sex with me!"

Kelly burst into tears.

I closed my eyes and bit my lower lip. "Kelly I can accept the fact that for the past six months you've enjoyed sex with a large number of men; but knowing that at the same time you deliberately forced me, the man you profess to love, to be celibate really sticks in my craw."

I was now very upset. I stood up. "Kelly I don't think I can ever forgive you for that."

I stormed across the living room. When I got to the front door I turned and glared at my wife. "Last week you stood in this house and yelled at me because I pointed out that we never had sex anymore. You actually became irate when I dared to remind you that you used to love sex. When I questioned you about why you no longer seemed to be interested in it, you looked me in the eyes and told me that you did miss sex."

Laughing sarcastically, I said; "And then you tried to make me believe that the problem was that your job sapped you of all your energy."

Finally I lost my temper and yelled. "Kelly I was living without sex at that time, but you weren't. You were getting boinked every single fucking day of the week and you dared to tell me that you missed sex." I laughed. "You don't even know what it means to miss sex."

My voice got very quiet. "And to add insult to injury, you tried to convince me that those sexy clothes were your one refuge." I shook my head. "You actually thought you could get me to believe that you had that lingerie so you could dress up an feel sexy while you masturbated in your hotel room. Kelly you must think I'm an idiot!"

I sighed. "Kelly I can easily forgive you for sleeping with all those other men. I can even forgive you for lying to me; but I don't think I can ever forgive you neglecting me, treating me with utter disdain and contempt and most of all for so callously ignoring my own needs as a man."

I turned and walked out the door. As I slammed it behind me I heard Kelly scream; "No Timmy, please don't go."

I drove back to the little park by the river, got out of my car and walked out to one of the benches near the edge of the bluff. It was a Wednesday, so even though it was a warm fall afternoon, the park was deserted. The secluded bench that I'd selected was on the edge of a grove of trees that had just passed the peak of their fall colors. The ground underneath them was slowly being covered by an ever thickening carpet of dry leaves. It was a beautiful serene spot. I needed to be alone and this was the perfect haven for me. I sat down, buried my face in my hands and started to cry.

I bawled like a baby for a few minutes and then I stopped. I was done, that was all I needed. I took a deep breath, sat up, pulled out my handkerchief and blew my nose. I felt much better. Crying may not be very manly, but it sure does help release some pent up emotions.

The events of the past week had taken a heavy toll on my spirit. I sat back, took several more deep breaths and quietly watched the Mississippi River flow by. It was incredibly soothing. The combination of the tears and the steady flow of the mighty river helped to clear my mind. Eventually I was able to start thinking again.

Blowing up at Kelly had given me no pleasure, but as I sat there thinking, I came to the conclusion that it had been an essential part of the healing process for me. Over the past several months her anger, contempt and indifference had created some deep wounds. If we ever were going to be able to patch up our marriage we had to address her spiteful behavior.

When I stormed out of the house I'd told Kelly that I would never be able to forgive her for the way she'd been treating me. Even at the time, I knew that wasn't true. Those were words said in anger. I knew that I couldn't ignore her callous behavior. I fully understood that if we didn't address it, if we just tried to overlook it and pretend that it never happened, it was going to gnaw at me for the rest of our lives. We had to discuss it and we both had to be able to reach an understanding of why she'd acted that way towards me.

If we were able to do that and if Kelly could commit to being open and honest with me, I was now reasonably certain that we had a good chance to reconcile our differences and save our marriage.

I was just trying to decide how soon I should attempt to contact Kelly when I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder and I heard my wife's soft voice.

"There isn't any possible excuse for the way I've treated you over the past several months and I fully understand why you would be reluctant to ever consider forgiving me. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to forgive myself. I realize that it may now be too late, but I want you to know that I plan to spend the rest of my life trying to make amends to you."

I didn't turn around, I didn't move and I didn't say anything.

"Timmy I was so angry with myself when I started cheating on you. I couldn't understand why other women could be so strong and I had to be so weak. It seemed to be so easy for them to avoid the temptations that were so difficult for me to resist. I so badly wanted to be the faithful wife that my family had expected me to become."

I heard Kelly sigh.

"When I started lying to you I became even angrier with myself. I knew it was wrong, and I now know that I should have come to you and told you everything, but I was afraid. I was afraid that if you found out how unreliable and corrupt I really was, you wouldn't love me anymore. Timmy you're so strong and honorable and I'm so weak and despicable."

I felt Kelly's hand clutch my shoulder.

"After I became a hostess, my life at work got even more exciting, but it also forced me to start lying to you all the time. The more I lied to you, the more I hated myself and as my self hatred grew, so did my my anger. Timmy, anger needs a target and you were the only one around. I know that this doesn't make any sense, but I was angry with myself. When I came home, you were the only available target for that anger so I bombarded you with it."

I slowly nodded. It was the first time I'd moved since Kelly had started talking.

"But there was another reason that I was so cruel to you. I couldn't bear the thought of having you find out how weak and despicable I really was. I was convinced that you would leave me the moment you discovered my secret life. I believed that I had to protect that secret at all cost, so I built a wall around myself. It was a wall constructed of lies, deceit, anger, contempt and indifference. It was all unconscious, none of it was deliberate, but I now believe that I was trying to keep you at arms length so you wouldn't discover the awful person hiding inside of me."

Kelly was silent for a moment. Finally she said, "Eventually my heavy travel schedule and constant late night business meetings aroused your suspicions. When you started to question my lies I was thrown into a state of total panic. The possibility that you might actually discover my secret life terrified me. I responded in the only way I knew how. My lies became more outrageous, I unleashed my anger and the attitude of contempt and disdain that I was using to protect myself became even more intense."

My wife gently rubbed my shoulder.

"In a desperate effort to keep you from hating me I inadvertently did everything I possibly could to make you hate me." She sighed. "And now I've finally succeeded."

Kelly put her arms around me and then she leaned over and softly kissed my ear. "You are the love of my life, and now I've lost you. My only hope is that time might eventually heal the wounds that I've inflicted in your heart and temper the anger and contempt that you now feel for me. Timmy, if that ever happens I want you to know that I will be waiting for you. I will always be waiting for you. If necessary, I intend to wait for you until the end of time."

My wife kissed me one more time and then she turned and walked away.

I sat on that park bench hastily trying to digest everything that had happened in the past several hours. I quickly came to one conclusion. I did not want Kelly to leave that park before I had a chance to tell her now much I loved her.

I stood up and turned around. Kelly was already in her Mercedes. The car door was closed and she was putting on her seat belt. She was at least 200 feet away. I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could possibly carry me.

I heard the engine start. I was still fifty feet away. I ran harder.

The front wheels of the Mercedes turned. I was still twenty feet away.

Kelly looked over her right shoulder to check for oncoming cars. Just as her car started moving I managed to reach out and rap on the rear passenger window. Kelly heard me and stepped on the brakes. The Mercedes stopped moving.

My wife looked back and saw me. I was standing with my hands on my hips trying to catch my breath. She lowered her car window and stared at me. There was a tear running down her cheek.

I was still out of breath, but I managed to say, "Kelly you are not weak and despicable. You're strong and good. You were just trying to do something that's not part of your nature. You have no more business trying to be a faithful housewife, than I have trying to play linebacker for the Chicago Bears. It just isn't you."

I smiled at her. "Baby, I don't need to wait until the end of time. I know right now that I love you and I know that I will always love you. Earlier today I told you that there was nothing that you could ever do that would make me hate you. I meant that when I said it."

I took a deep breath. "Yes, you did hurt me; but that pain pales when I compare it to the torment that I would have to endure each and every day if I were forced to go through life without you."

Kelly grinned at me. "Timothy Jamieson, you certainly do have a way with words. Will you please come home with me."

I laughed. "Nothing in this world would make me happier."

"Get your car, I'll see you at the house."

"Just a moment I have something I have to do before we go."

"What?"

"This."

I leaned forward, reached around Kelly's head and gently pulled her face to mine. She closed her eyes as I kissed her on the lips. For the first time in months I felt my wife return one of my kisses with passion."

When we finally broke apart Kelly whispered to me. "Timmy I love you so much."

I smiled at her. "I know, I love you too Kelly."

I got into my car and followed Kelly home. I noticed that while she was driving she took out her cell phone and made a call. When we got to our house we both pulled into the driveway, but Kelly didn't drive her Mercedes into the garage. Instead she waited while I parked my car on my side of the garage.

As soon as I was stopped I got out of my car and walked over to her. She was still sitting in her Mercedes.

She looked at me and said, "Timmy I have to run an errand."

My heart sank. I closed my eyes and sighed. This scene was much too familiar.

Kelly saw my reaction and said, "No sweetheart, you don't understand. I want you to come with me."

I stared at her for a moment. I didn't say anything.

She looked at me. "Will you please come with me. It's very important."

I nodded and then I walked around to the passenger side of her car and opened the door. As I was sitting down in the plush leather seat I realized that this was the first time that I'd ever ridden in my wife's Mercedes. I decided that there had already been enough recriminations for one day, so I didn't say anything. Instead I just quietly closed the door and put on my seat belt.

Kelly backed out of the driveway, put the big sedan into gear and stepped on the accelerator.

As soon as we were moving I looked at her and asked, "Where are we going?"

"Downtown to the Whetmore Building."

"Why are we going there?"

"I just finished talking to Tonya. I asked her if they've already cleared out my office. She told me that they haven't. I asked her if she knew what they were going to do with my lingerie. She said that they were going to throw all of it out. I asked her if I could have some of it. She told me that I could help myself to anything I wanted."

Kelly grinned at me. "Sweetheart, tonight I am going to put on a lingerie fashion show for you that you will remember for the rest of your life."