All Comments on 'Cousin and His Sister Ch. 01'

No editing flaws jumped out at me.

So as a first story this turned out just fine.

Little more description please.

A space even in a story can be three dimensional

Sights, sounds, tastes, first touches, overall feelings

before & after of the persons involved.

And what are they wearing?

Slow down the fun parts. take the time to

unfasten, untie, unzip and explore....

Will slow down and expand the fun parts in chapter two. Thanks for commenting!

"At the thought of Katie, his cock throbbed slightly." -- Why oh why everyone likes writing about throbbing cocks?! It's like a cursed duality - main character and his Almighty Throbbing Cock. No, really, it's just sad. I believe, author can describe excitement in other words, no? There's no need to mention those damn details in a pants. If you'll mention them too much, it's like praying to the Almighty Cock. You will kill the main character. Poor Jake will become a Cock. Do you really want this?

Seriously, learn to use this damn word in a right place. Don't turn your story into a prayer for The Cock.

Great first story!

There's not even enough to fill one full page. Try breaking down a simple story for the sake of multiple-submissions? Don't make that mistake or the rating is going right down.

I was unaware as to how long it really would be, the preview does not show how many pages it would fill. Also, this was an introduction to see whether the story would catch any attention before I put too much effort into a long big story and get disappointed by no response. Part two will be out within a week, hope you enjoy that one a bit more.

James

Waiting for next chapter. Thanks

James

Good first attempt, I would advise the following.

Watch your point of view. It was a little confusing on who was telling the story as it changed throughout.

I personally like a little more build up to make it more realistic. Explain how Sandy was feeling, battling her sudden new attraction to her cousin. Also, the sex was rushed. Take your time and enjoy your story while you let it develop.

Just my two cents and I hope it helps.

Thanks for the tips. The ending was rushed. I'll keep note of that while writing chapter two.

The entire story was in 3rd person, with as few direct dialogues as possible, I was hoping to keep it simple. I'd like to talk to you about that further. I'll contact you soon.

A lot of realistic actions but moved way too fast. Should write more about peeping sis and way you jo for her. Many guys do similar things and it may be helpful

You are off to a good start, but a couple of suggestions...

One, keep your tense and perspective the same throughout...and dialogue can be very enhancing to the story as it lets you switch from one point of view to another without being obvious.

Two, Length...as you said in one of your responses, you can't tell how long it will be from the script to the finished product...as a rule of thumb, use two and a half pages of "paper", single spaced, for one page on Lit...

Three...keep on going with the story and your writing...pay attention to grammar, spelling and punctuation...and if you get comments from some of the trolls or grammar nazi's, shrug them off and keep going...after all, it's your story.

Short, fast and sex-centric. Personally this is not my type of story but I can see why others would like it.