All Comments on 'Cousin Walks In Ch. 01'

Please continue. Thanks

Putting the parents (and the neighbour) aside it's a really hot and somewhat sweet story of cousins in love that happened to stumble on some quality family porn. Like the romance aspect of the whole thing and I hope you keep it up throughout the series and include the parents only as a side thing and maybe have them teach the kids of proper ways of making love. Family orgies can be fun and fulfilling but please do not force anything too fast or too rough, young and gentle love need guidance and time to flourish.

4* for now as there is room to improve but it's looking good so far!

It a great story hope you keep them together and not share them with their family or any one else.

I really like the bones of your story, good flow; but, proof read, proof read, proof read. The little spelling and syntax errors are a bit jarring. Also, let me suggest that you read the dialogue out loud as though you are both sides of the conversation - it really will help. Even so, I really enjoyed your story, I hope you keep writing. Thanks for a good story!

and you did at least twice... i really doubt any man's penis is "defiantly large"

... do so many people write 'defiantly' when they actually mean 'definitely'?

Apart from that, proof read or get someone to do it for you.

And learn the difference between 'your' and 'you're'!

please don't make us wait too long for any future chapters...

I like the flow of this. A lot of thought went into it. I do agree with a few of the previous comments. Nothing really was distracting until I hit one word and believe me you are not the first to do this The sentence was 'Talking about my dads cock size peaked my interest'. You may ask where, The word peaked. It is a word no doubt, but misused here. Hate to be nit-picky yet the proper word should have been piqued. Other wise well done. Keep writing. Don't rely on the spell check Find an editor. They will be quite helpful in future endeavors. Best to you.

TBC

Really enjoyed the start of this and looking forward to more chapters keep up the good work

Apart from the very minor grammar hiccups mentioned previously, I thought your story demonstrates you've planned out a plot line and are executing it well.. I thought it was nicely paced and I'm looking forward to reading some more from you.

as long as you dont add the kids to their parents orgies this will be very good.

Your great story made me get a crush on Ashley....

BTW screw the grammar nazis - they just try to make themselves look smart. English is a fucked up language, just keep writing good content.

Make them the offer maybe but have it be just them. Maybe Mandy causes trouble but would prefer to have them devoted to only themselves.

Yes no sex with parents. But do tell how you got caught

Very nicely done! I'll now read your other stories while awaiting follow-on chapter to Cousin's. =}

Don't ruin a good story by the children in the orgys, carry on this idea

Amazing can't wait to read More

18+

Nvm dat it's really good but that last sentence ruined it cuz I'm guessing the parents are gonna include them in the kink and we'll if I would be you I'd keep that teaser for Ch.3,but you are you and I am me

Don't add them to the adults, let them explore their own sexuality. But how did they get caught? Hidden cameras? Waiting to see.

Hot story. Please don't involved the parents in Mark and Ashley's developing relationship.

Great story and characters, but the editing could use some work. Keep writing and I'll keep reading!

Fantastic story! Hope to see more chapters, thanks for writing it!

More please. But have him fuck the cousin. Don't include the parents.

great story and i would love to see more chapters i really like your writing style

Amazing story, one of my favorites

Do the next men. Great Story.

This is absolutely amazing man. Keep up the good work. I came three times tonight just reading this. When will the next chapter be up?

been a while, is part 2 on the way?

you cannot just stop there, it is like a cliffhanger.

What happens next? Surely he can get her wet enough for a fuck or go and find the lube the oldies are using and lube them both up.

Just don't stop here with this hot story PLEASE.

awesome very hot

I love the raunchness of it and the dirty story concept. How young and innocent they sound doesnt make them sound like adults and the lack of proper grammar or spelling makes it hard to focus. Keep it up and check your spelling.

Penthouse Magazine never once showed "cock in pussy" photos. It wasn't a hardcore magazine. Also that was in the era before shaved bare was a common practice. Penthouse models typically sported hair "down there".

Maybe you should have referenced Hustler instead.

Nice try ... But as soon as I read that mistake it put me off the narrative.

Oh, and others have said, if you can't be bothered to learn grammar and spelling, at least get an editor who knows!

Sorry anonymous commentator. Writing these stories is a hobby of mine that I do not take serious. Plenty of people enjoy my stories even if I have grammatical errors. Plus you do not know your history of Penthouse. From 1998 to 2005 they went hardcore in their magazine and that was well after the time of hairy women. Don't bash if you don't know the facts.

Too all my other readers thanks for all the support. More stories are coming soon.

You have talent! I like the buildup. Keep it up. The grammatical errors aren't so many to make things difficult to comprehend. No biggie. Great story.

"Ashley is about 5'6" and could not of weighted more than . . ."

Ashley WAS about 5' 6" and could not HAVE WEIGHED more than . . .

Actually, there was a period when they did. I guess Guccione was trying anything to boost sales, but about 1998 the mag started including things such as urination and hard core sex. It pretty much backfired because so many stores that were okay with the soft core pulled the hard core issues. When the new ownership took over, they returned to soft core.

I really liked it. I normally lose interest when the male writer makes a big deal about the his character having a big cock, but in this case the story more than made up forgot. I'm looking forward to moving onto the second chapter.

Good job on the story and nice long build up to the climax (climaxes). I also agree with your comments on Penthouse historical info.

I wound have like to done this with me cousin.

This was a fun story to read and was more than just entertaining. It had a lot of detail and I truly enjoyed it.

Do yourself a favor, proofread your material; grammar and spelling both took away from the flow of your story.

Other than that, keep it up. :D

You're means you are and your is something that belongs you!!!

I would have enjoyed this one a lot more if you had placed less emphasis on the parents and their porn movies. I get that Ashley and Mark discovered watching porn together as a bonding thing, but they should have been the primary focus of your story. The details and descriptions should have been minimal for the porn movies shifting the focus onto the cousins. Scored 3/5

Great story! Proofreading would help, though.

BTW, with the moms being identical twins, these cousins are genetic half-sibs. They have the same mom genome, as much as any sibs ever do.

Get a damn PROOF READER!!! Good ideas, BUT Terrible Writing!