All Comments on 'Crack in the Wall Ch. 01: Caught'

Story was rushing forward (too fast) when you suddenly decided to change from first to third person ie I to he.

You don't know the difference between a possessive and a plural s

Shows promise but could do a lot better

Oh wow you're right! I'll throw an edited version up. Won't be perfect, but at least it'll all be in 1st person. Sorry!

But will his mother be impressed. Are we still going clubbing tonight or are we grounded

I agree with comments but it has potential to see which Rd it takes after getting caught I can think of many senerios