All Comments on 'Craig's List Whore'

There's no conversation, no dialogue at all, besides, "Can I cum on you?" No indication of any emotions or thoughts about anything at all. They don't even have names! You keep switching from past to present tense.

This is a very short story, mostly well-written, but it needs something to engage the reader.

"I deliberately stayed close inside his personal space for a little longer than needed after the hug"

Perfect opportunity to make us feel what she feels. Engage the senses. Can she feel the heat of his body, his breath on her cheek? What does he smell like? How does she feel - anxious. nervous, breathless, excited?

"My neck and cleavage got kissed too." How did his mouth feel on her? Hot, wet, eager, lingering?

"told him I had a game for us to play." What did she say? What did he say? She's invited a total stranger to her home to have sex with her and is totally blase about it all. It's like you wrote this in a big hurry and couldn't be bothered with those little details that would make it come to life. I would flesh it out, so to speak.

@anon there's no romance because it's not about romance.

The story was effective. I liked it.

This turned me on... I gave it a 4 because I wanted a little more character development. There's something about a story that's just a sex act without getting enough about the person having the sex that detracts for me.

Still-- you have a ton of potential and are a very talented writer! Keep writing please