by TxRad
I am a little confused here. You are not very clear on when David came into the room, and when he left.
You accidentally switched the name of your character from Rick to David. What the f***?
Premise of the story is good, but the grammatical errors and inconsistencies are very distracting. It would be much better if an editor were to help with the writing.
It was short enough and I read it quick enough that I didnt notice the errors. (For a change, heh). Enjoyed it! Now to hope there is a part two so sister can double her fun!
Corrections need to be made (edit) and then continue this storyline. Found it to be enjoyable and hot (nice fantasy).
Damn I can't wait for him to eat his sisters cream filled cunt. That is where this is headed
The story was cut way SHORT!
I was looking to him at least eating his SISTERS pussy!
I hope there is a part two and three!
PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE!!!!
I hope Rick got to eat and Fuck his sister.
Did they continue some threesomes between them.
Also, Julia is into pussy eating. I thought Rick might be upset.
Hope to add another chapter where everyone is fucking and Sherrie gets pregnant.
Eh, nothing felt grounded in real emotions and there was no conclusion. Just a random sex scene, which felt lacking because the mmc felt like odd person out. 3*