All Comments on 'Critical 20 Ch. 01'

I love DnD. You've got a good start here and the dynamic between the curt brother and bubbly sister is very believable. What's more, I like that they are both nerds of a different cut. I look forward to reading the next chapter(s).

This is like reading about my local RPG group, anime/manga fanatics included!

Pure gold from comical POW alone, 5* without a doubt!

We will see if you finish it before reading.

Geek hierarchy totally in effect. Looking forward to seeing how this shakes out.

I would have liked to see it go a bit further in the first chapter though. Develop the characters a bit more. But I like it so far.

I liked it a lot. We want moree.

Wowsers. Lemme guess, doesn't like comic books either? The same people that do cosplay would probably enjoy SCA and LARPing.

The sister Leah seems really nice, willing to spend time with her "dorky" brother so that he's not all alone. He, on the other hand, appears borderline troll. (Have you heard the notion that a female troll is a trollop? Thank you, Robert Asprin!)

Good DMs are willing to plagarize and plunder ideas from books, comics, TV shows, movies, whatever they run across, modify it for the campaign, and let fly. For example, the somewhat cheesy movie, The Cat Creature became the infamous Apostate of Bast, where the person masquerading as the good guy turns out to be the baddie. After a few weeks of play, when they finally caught Meredith ... well, the paladin became so revenge driven he came close to having losing it all. The rest of the party wanted in, too, so Meredith was a successful villain. Heh heh heh.

So, I'll check on this and see how it goes. Entertaining thus far. 5*

Good start looking forward to seeing more.

Why the hell is he such an asshat? He's the kind of guy that goes to conventions and insists that a girl is only there a) for her boyfriend or b) to get attention. I hate guys like that....she, on the other hand, is super nice. She's trying to be a friend to her brother and trying something completely new and probably weird (but interesting) to her. He's just being a total tool.

I'm going to keep reading because I love D&D and I want to see how it goes, but I'm really crossing my fingers for some serious character development.

Why is he such a total asshat? Can totally see why no one joins his games. His sister is putting up with way to much for just trying to be nice to the guy. I will keep reading in hopes he tucking lightens up maybe even sits through an anime with her. Ya know a bit of quid pro quo. All that hate blows man.

i thought people that were into d&d had friends that were into it and had other groups that played as well. besides is he not a little old to be playing this kind of stuck in your mom and dads basement game? there might be a reason his friends have moved on.

Well it is settled the guy is a jerk and that is why he has no one to game with.

That characterisation as arrogant jerk is enough to make anyone give up.

Second problem is thus is not real at all. I mean anyone who wanta to DM will have lots of ppl chasing him.

Final problem, it is too short and just a normal story, not even a bit of romance or flirting, like you mentioned in the preface.

I truly hope 2nd part is much better.

You have created many enjoyable stories, and i'm not sure why you stopped posting on the others. However I wanted to say thank you for starting again.

Where is the sex? I like the D & D part but where is the heat?

Looking forward to the rest of the story. Thanks

You are creating good build up. At first the siblings don't notice each other and want nothing to do with each other, but common ground allows them to see things others normally wouldn't. Aside from a few spelling and grammatical errors, this looks like it can be a promising story. Also, good job not just going to sex. A good story is all about build up, and I think you nailed it there. Though, considering how D&D works, it may take a few sessions before it can get dirty. Probably with the sister starting it, wondering if she can bang an NPC. Probably a nymph, I imagine.

hurry and get chapter 2 out! i cant wait for more

I really like this first chapter. I'm not much of a gamer, but the way you wrote the sister reminds me of myself when i bug my BIL on how to play things. He gets annoyed when i try ro compare it (magic the gathering in my case) to other things. But he's patient in a long suffering kind of way. Anyway, to me this set up is promising to be believable (dare i say the most believable ever????) and i hope you continue it.

please write more of this story

it is very likely this story will never be completed, this particular author has 3 other stories and all of them are basically dead, what happened was the started one, didnt finish, then another, didnt finish, then another, again didnt finish, will probably happen again here

Best story I've read in a while. 5/7 perfect score.

HAVING READ THIS STORY AND YOUR NOTE AT THE END I AM REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO THE SECOND PART OF THIS STORY. MUCH MORE PLEASE.

well the idea was good and i became clear why the MC war finding noone to play with... and after seven years i guess the story will never continue