Cuffed Ch. 06

Warmth spread throughout me in a new surge. "You didn't even look at me. I was half naked."

"Oh, I looked; but with police eyes. I can scan and search an entire room and you wouldn't even know it."

"I can't let you be dissatisfied with me, Holden. It's going to breed contempt and more anger. Tell me what I can do."

"You can leave me."

I gasped. "Is it that serious? Do you like to hit? Choke...? What?"

"No, no," he said. "I...I like it rough, but I also like to experiment with bondage."

"Like...ropes? Chains?"

He shook his head. "Not that extreme. I'd never go that far."

"So you don't expect me to be your Sub?"

"No! Not at all! I mean, I can get bossy, but I'm not into holding slaves and beating you until you bleed. I'm so not into that."

I breathed a sigh of relief. "You do like to spank, if I remember correctly."

"That's part of it, but like I said, I'm not here to hurt you."

"But you said you wanted to 'fuck me into submission.' What does that mean to you?"

He sighed. "I want to fuck you until you're satiated and I can get my point across. Anyone is easier to handle once they've been satisfied." His eyes raked over my body as he assessed me. "You want this. I can see it. You're hot for me right now."

He wasn't lying. I was turned all the way on and I wanted Holden in my bed. He didn't know how badly I wished for a thorough sexing. I'd be lying if I said I'd ever had one. Sex was a routine for my ex; nothing more than a number of items that needed to be checked off some mental list.

"Don't look at me like that, Kennedy. I-I...Damn it," he growled.

"I'm sorry. I do want this. I want you. I don't want you to be afraid."

"You're so important to me, Ken. You came into my life, rather abruptly, and turned it upside down. I don't want to lose you before we even get our relationship off the ground."

"That's what this time is for. We're supposed to learn about each other and see what works for us. Developing a healthy sex life is part of that, Holden."

I could see my logic working on him; but I didn't say those things just to get him into bed—I meant every word. I wanted this relationship to be solid and that could only happen if we worked together.

"We can try."

"Good." I rose from my chair and began to kiss him, grabbing his hair to hold him closer to me.

The heat from his bare chest seeped through my shirt and onto my skin. That was what I needed—his touch. His warmth. The day had left me cold and desolate, but when Holden came on the scene that all changed...or so I thought.

"Not right now, Ken," Holden muttered around my lips.

"What? Why?"

"You're hurt. I don't want to make it worse."

"I need you. After today...I just. I need you."

He closed his eyes again. "Don't do this to me, Kennedy. After what happened today, I could...No."

I planted my lips on his cheek, then along his jawline and down his neck. I suckled one side of his neck and caressed the other with my hand. "I trust you," I whispered against him.

"Kennedy," he groaned. "You're crossing the point of no return."

My only response was to straddle his lap and kiss him again. His hands went up my shirt and caressed my back before traveling downward. He cupped my butt in his hands as I swerved my hips to grind myself against his growing erection. His boxer briefs were thin and allowed me to move against him more freely. I reveled in the feeling of his hard warmth against my sensitive cleft, grateful he decided to climb into the shower with me and get his uniform wet.

"Why are you doing this to me, Ken? Why?"

"Because I want you," I whispered in his ear.

Holden growled and took the hair at the nape of my neck into his fist. "Where? I can go anywhere right about now."

"My bed."

He carried me, without a word, to my bedroom, dismissed Bentley and lay me across the bed. With a couple swift yanks, he rid me of my pants and shirt. "Never any panties or bra."

I shrugged.

He crawled up the bed and I took the opportunity to pounce. I pushed him into the mattress and yanked his boxer briefs down. His manhood sprang forth and I took him into my mouth.

"Son...of. A. Bitch," Holden growled as I devoured him.

Until that moment, I always hated oral sex. I didn't like the feeling of the skin in my mouth, especially when it surrounded a flaccid member. Holden was rock hard and so warm...his skin soft. My mouth rocketed up and down the shaft as he fisted my hair.

"Fuck. Bring it here, Ken. Bring it here."

I knew what he meant this time, so I positioned my sex over his mouth.

"Turn around," he said.

I complied and he bent me over so my mouth hovered over his girth while his tongue infiltrated my folds. I swallowed his entire shaft.

He grumbled his pleasure into my soaked cleft which made me moan. His cock jumped in my throat, but I continued to pleasure him.

"Fucking shit. You're gonna unman me, Ken. Up. Up." I slid his cock out of my throat and kissed the tip. "Lay on your stomach," he instructed.

I swung my leg over and off him before lying face down, as he asked.

"Ass up."

I did as I was told and was rewarded with a swift slap to both cheeks. I squealed.

"You, Kennedy, are one determined lady. But, whatever Miss Kennedy wants, Miss Kennedy gets," he said before sliding a finger into me.

"Ohhhh," I crooned.

"'Oh' is right. You're so wet for me." He plunged his finger deeper and quickened his stroking. "Let's see here," he stroked the walls of my vagina until he said, "aha. Hm. Hold on to the headboard, Ken." I gripped the nearest of the wrought iron posts as he added another finger into my warmth and fingered me in a rapid succession.

I was unsure what sound left my mouth, but it was loud, and drawn out. I'd never felt such pleasure from one spot in my body before. Something built in the deep parts of my belly as Holden continued to work his fingers in me.

"Holden, please."

"Fuck," he growled. "You know how hard it makes me when you say my name like that?"

He moved his fingers in me even faster and I lost it. My legs gave out as liquid left my body in hot spurts. I couldn't speak or move.

"Oh no, sweetheart. We're not even close to being done."

Holden slammed his cock into me and I shouted into the pillow. No preamble, no bullshit. He filled me completely and it was an alien feeling. David wasn't "small" by any means, but Holden... "Oh. Shit."

He wrapped my hair around his wrist as he pounded me from behind. He was relentless with his strokes as he pushed in all the way and almost completely withdrew himself, only to plunge back into me. "You. Don't. Know." Stroke, stroke. "What. You. Do...to me." Stroke, stroke. "How many times," he said before stroking his cock in me again, "I had to rub off some hard ones and still couldn't be sated. All I wanted was you." He pounded into me even harder—I didn't think it was possible. "You make me feel so good. Fuck." He pulled out of me, leaving me bereft. "Turn over."

I lay on my back, looking up at him. His face was strained, his breathing erratic. He reached down and trailed his fingers along my bruises like he had earlier that night. His face grew soft as he looked down at me.

"Holden?"

His eyes met mine as he lowered himself onto his forearms and filled me once again. I shouted into his neck while he sexed me in a rapid fire succession.

"Legs." Holden told the truth when he told me he was bossy; but, I liked it. He was a man in control and who knew that he wanted.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and he went even deeper into me. He shifted to the left and came in contact with the sweet spot from earlier. "Oh, God."

"Yeah. Fuck yeah. There it is. Come on, Ken. Give it to me, girl. Let it go."

Each stroke took me higher than the last pushing me to the height of the sexual mountain.

"Don't fight me, Kennedy," he whispered harshly into my neck. He raised himself off his forearms, creating a space between us. Holden continued to pump in and out of me while reaching down with one hand to stroke my clit.

My orgasm ripped through me, causing my back to bow off the bed. "Holden!" I shouted, grabbing his back.

He kept stroking, and stroking...and stroking.

My God...he's not done yet?

I had ridden the waves of my orgasm and another was building as I watched Holden take his pleasure from me. At that point, I got it. I understood why he wanted me on his face. He enjoyed seeing me lost in what pleasure I received. I could say the same for myself. I watched Holden thrust himself into me, his eyes glazing over the more he stroked. I wanted this for him.

"I want to try...something," he said, still pumping in and out of me. "Grab the posts. I'm pushing your legs up."

I didn't know if I was flexible enough, but as promised, he pushed my legs up by my ears and plunged into my warmth. "OHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!" Normally, I would have been surprised at the vulgar word that came out of my mouth, but I was lost. He was so deep inside of me...I'd never felt anything comparable to that before.

"Don't let go. Oh...God. Ken. You feel so good." He took his bottom lip between his teeth and continued to piston in and out of me.

"Holden," I sang his name as if it were a litany. "I-I can't."

He shook his head and continued to fuck me. "Almost. There."

I beat him "there". I squeezed my lips shut to stifle the cries my orgasm brought. My pussy contracted so hard my stomach started to ache.

"Fucking shit, Kennedy," Holden roared as he rode out his orgasm.

If my body had the strength, I was sure I would have had another orgasm as I watched Holden release himself into me. His eyes rolled back as he bit his bottom lip. He gave a final grunt before stilling inside of me.

He released my legs. "Are you okay?" he asked after catching his breath.

"Mhm," I hummed.

He chuckled, stroking my ribs with his fingertips. I tried to reconcile the two men I had just witnessed. There was the carnal, sexually adept Holden; then, there was the Holden that looked at me with soft eyes and stroked my wounds with a feather-light touch. I liked both men. I loved the fact that he was multifaceted.

"You're wasted. Here," he pulled the covers back for me and tucked me in.

"I'm not wasted."

"Tell me you're not tired. Lie to me and say your muscles aren't feeling like jelly."

I wasn't going to lie, but I wasn't going to let him know the truth, either. "Was that rough? What we did?"

His chuckle was light. "Tip of the iceberg, love."

My breath hitched despite my grogginess. "You held out on me?"

"With good reason. You're so wasted."

I cringed. "I hate that word."

"I don't mean wasted by alcohol consumption, Kennedy. You know that."

I didn't answer.

"You know that, right?"

"Yes, I know. I just...alcohol and its affects have plagued my family for a long time. I don't like anything that reminds me of alcohol."

"I'm sorry, Kennedy."

I felt the post-coital bliss from earlier slip from my fingertips, and it was all my fault. I just had to say something about the term 'wasted', knowing good and well Holden didn't mean anything by it. Maybe I wasn't over the events of the day as much as I thought.

"Well, you probably already know all about it. You're a cop and all." I shrugged.

"No," he sounded bemused.

"You mean, you didn't look up all my information when you found out who I was?"

"I took the necessary information so I could find you and make you go out on a date with me. That was it."

Honesty rang from every word he spoke; so much so, I had to look at him. His face was a testament to his concern.

"What am I doing? What did I do to deserve you?" I asked, tears beginning to build in my eyes.

"Kennedy? What? What's the matter?" he asked, pulling me on top of him and angling my face so I would have to look into his eyes.

The tears streamed down my face and hit Holden in the chest. "I-I don't know. It must just be the stress from the day." I wiped my tears, avoiding his gaze.

"Just rest, Kennedy. It's okay. It'll all get better."

I drifted off to sleep and realized it would take a while to get better. I dreamt of screams, broken glass, and my sister's cries for help. Again, David morphed into my father and my father into him; a nightmare that frequented me on stressful nights.

I could feel Holden's hands on me, trying to bring me back to the present, but I could not shake the effects of the dream. My body quaked and my face was soaked with tears.

"Please, Kennedy, wake up," Holden said.

"I'm awake," I said, breathlessly. "I'm up." I sat up, propping myself against the headboard, drawing the blanket up to cover my body; it did little to hide my naked soul. How much had I revealed?

Holden disappeared and came back with a glass of water. He handed it to me before asking, "What is going on, Ken? Do you always have nightmares like this?"

I shook my head.

He sighed. "Was it me? Was I too rough?"

"No, no. It's just something from my past."

"Your father?"

My body chilled.

"You were saying stuff in your sleep. How can I help? Please, tell me what I can do."

"Nothing. You can't do anything."

"Kennedy."

"No! What's done is done," I said, leaving the bed to clothe myself.

"It was me."

The pain in Holden's voice pierced through me. I turned to face him, and his head was hanging low, his eyes focused on something I could not see.

"I knew it was too soon. I couldn't help it when you begged me like that. I'm sorry, Kennedy."

"No, Holden," I said, moving toward him. "It wasn't you."

"Then why do you always react this way after I touch you? The first time we got intimate, you had a bad dream...now this? I terrify you." His face dropped into his waiting hands. "I knew I needed help. I pulled too much from you."

"What? No! I don't regret a single thing we did tonight, Holden, you have to believe me." He didn't answer, so I kept talking. "It's David and his violence. It brings back memories of bad times for my family. The first time we were intimate was our second date, remember? David showed up and almost ruined the night. Then when I went to get my stuff he hurt me. He...he reminds me of my father."

Holden's head shot up. "You don't have to tell me if you don't feel comfortable. I don't want to put any more stress on you."

I saw what my admission did to him. Some light came back into his eyes; his mouth didn't droop as much. I gave him hope. It made me tell the story I kept within me for years.

"My father was a severe alcoholic. My mother knew this when she married him, but he had money so there was no way she was letting him go. She's an opportunist, and he was her perfect chance at the life she always wanted. She had it all; the big house, the multi-carat ring, she even got her wish and was gifted with children. Richard had his drinking habits under control then, but he steadily progressed into something worse.

"My mother saw, but she never said anything. Soon, my father's money began to dwindle, forcing my mother to get a job to help support the family. She worked and left me and my sister, Maitlynn, at home with him. That's when the abuse started. He looked past me—I was too old—and started in on my sister. He would throw his liquor bottles at the wall and shout for her to come to him. He would cuss at us both and touch her...do whatever he wanted to her for the night... and we fought him, until the night he almost killed me. He choked me until I stopped breathing. That's what tipped my mother off about what was going on. For years, she didn't know because neither of us could tell her.

"He had taken my sister's virginity that night," I cried and Holden pulled me onto the bed and into a strong embrace. His arms held me together as I was about to crack. "I didn't see it, but I heard it. Her screams were different than before. They were more...guttural. She was in a lot of pain. I knew what he had done and I lost it. I don't know how, but I broke down the door. He still had his hand over my sister's mouth and his pants were around his knees. A decanter sat on my sister's nightstand with nothing but a swig of amber liquid left in it. We both took advantage of his surprise.

"Maitlynn bit his hand while I jumped on his back and punched him over and over. He slung me off, but I never stopped trying to hurt him. I smelled the stench of alcohol on his breath as he huffed and puffed over me. Soon, he gave up trying to fight off my blows and went for the kill—literally. He choked me until all I could see what blackness and all I remembered was the smell of strong liquor. I blacked out but my sister utilized her freedom to grab the phone, lock herself in the bathroom and call 9-1-1." I shook my head. "Little Maitlynn just lost her virginity to her own father and still had the gumption to run for the phone as our dad was busy trying to hurt me. The police were at our house within no time and I was, obviously, saved."

Holden stroked my hair and rubbed my back. I could feel his muscles strained in his movements. I didn't know what he was thinking, but I continued my story.

"That's why I don't tolerate any type of physicality and I hate cursing. The first time David was physical with me, I let it slide because he seemed to have remorse. I thought that made him different from my father, but I found it only made him worse. My father had no remorse for what he did. He thought he was entitled to my sister's body. David pretended to care, and to me, that is far worse than declaring yourself from the beginning."

"You must hate me," Holden finally muttered. "I cuss, I'm a very physical lover. What am I doing to you? I can't let you be with me, Kennedy."

"No, Holden. With you, it's different. You're not cussing to demean me. You do it in the heat of passion and I like it," my cheeks heated at my confession. "I can tell the difference. Being with you...it's changed my views on passion and sex...I like what we've done so far."

He breathed a drawn out sigh before saying, "You have to tell me if I hurt you, Kennedy. You have to tell me if I do something that upsets you. I don't want to take you back to this place. This place is dark and makes you fearful. God," he huffed, "you have been so strong for me. For your sister. You've lost so much, Kennedy; even today. You lost your mother." He shook his head.

"That was a long time coming. In a way, I think she blames us for what happened and why she's divorced. She blamed Richard for his drinking problem, but never for the sexual and physical abuse."

"No...no. Come here," he said, even though I was already tucked neatly in his arms. He held me closer, his cheek against the crown of my head. "None of what happened is your, or your sister's, fault. If your mom thinks that, then she has no reason to be in your life and I'm glad she walked out of it."

"I'm glad she's gone, too. There is no reconciliation after something like that. What kind of mother wants their daughter to stay in an abusive relationship?"

"I don't know, Kennedy. I don't know."

I sighed and let him continue to rock me. We didn't speak for quite some time, and when we did, it was only for him to tell me I fell asleep and he was just tucking me in. I guess after what I told him, he felt the need to tell me I wasn't being manhandled or something of the like.

He tucked me under the covers and pulled me toward his chest; I'd never felt more secure.