- Incest/Taboo
- D-a-a-d Ch. 01
- Comments
All Comments on 'D-a-a-d Ch. 01'
by mrakm
- 11 Comments
Anonymousover 8 years agoYou have a good story line and it is not badly written. I agree with anonymous. Telling the story from three points of view is a problem. You want the reader to become part of the story as they read. They want to identify with the main character and feel what it is like to be that person. This becomes impossible if the focus shifts from one character to another and they get lost in the shuffle. For chapter two, decide who your audience is and write for that audience. If the audience is young nubile girls, then tell the story from the daughter's POV. If the audience is 50 year old guys, then make that character your focus. I hope this helps.
Anonymousabout 4 years agoNot subtle enough. Also, the daughter in stories like these need to be 9-14. Way hotter that way
Sunfisher66almost 4 years agoDo you mean that the daughter ought to be 9-14 years old??? Oh, Hell no. I'm pegging both young women to be 18-19, and on holiday from university... And, I'm just waiting for 'Mom' to show up, and after a moment or two, decides to join in!!
luuv2watchualmost 4 years agoIt's a malfunction of my brain. I had to go and notice the "all the characters in this story exist". No matter how many times, and how hard I've tried as soon as the seed has been planted in my head, "this is a true story" or whatever variation of "really happened" my whole being calls bullshit on that! Fuck even if it is why do writers feel compelled to say as much. I'd rather use my imagination to expand outwards in my fertile pervy mind the erotic images... and make it "true" to me while I read. Like I said it's a malfunction of my brain. I'm probably the only one who can't get past this idiosyncratic tick stopping me from reading what may even be really, really hot story... I'm babbling, ranting now... help someone, help me ignore the "true story" introductions writers place at top of stories. :) :) :)
luuv2watchualmost 4 years agoAlso, totally changing subject but does anyone know if Literotica ever stops "reviewing" posts before allowing them to appear immediately? Just curious. Message me if you know and have time to. :)
