All Comments on 'Daddy and His Hoe'

Great first effort. Well written. Believable.

I like too how you left a lot of nuggets unturned, like the conference they met at, what daddy's #1love is, and her handsome brother.

hopefully there will be more chapters to flesh these out.

keep up the good work.

You have talent and a good voice. Keep up the good work! My only complaint is that it ran too fast. Slow down a bit with the setup, so we enjoy the escalation. :-)

You have talent and a good voice. Keep up the good work! My only complaint is that it ran too fast. Slow down a bit with the setup, so we enjoy the escalation. :-)

I love how the story went fast but not too fast. short and sweet is how i like it!

I don't think I it was too fast but then again it wasn't long enough to get me hard. However you can't please everyone. I enjoyed it regardless.

This was a good first try, but would have worked better if you had used past tense throughout the narrative (non-dialogue) parts of the story. In several instances, you start out with past tense verbs, but then go right back to present tense verbs. Present tense makes the story almost feel like a script, trying to make everything seem as if the reader is right there at the instant that the action is occuring. Past tense, on the other hand, leaves the reader feeling as if the action actually occured -- almost wishing it were their story. For your next story, or the continuation of this story, try to use past tense throughout the narrative portions, I think you will find it reads better. Otherwise, pretty decent for a first story.

I loved this and I'll be back to it again. I liked the tense. Thanks for the orgasam :) x

...to find out if Marcy gets to enjoy Daddy as well or if Adam gets a taste of his luscious big sister. Or hopefully Marcy and Alana having some fun with little brother together.

For a first post this was an excellent beginning. As you write your next story, read it when your done, I believe it was BF Harry in the garden and Henry in another girls bed, didn't bother the story but in some cases the daughter seems virginal then in others experienced. "His cock went to a place I'd never felt before, gives the impression that she'd done this, but the initial penetration seems to be virginal. So while this was very good it could have been great, keep your characters true. Please post again, I believe you have some great place to go, either with this family or other fantasies. thanks

How about Marcy dose Dad and then Alana and Marcy do Dad Liked your story.more please

You really should learn the spellings and meanings of "hoe"/ho. It is disteacting to have a mistake right in the title, let alone all of the others within the text.

Well the story was pretty good, well written too! However, the author shouldn't write about biology if the author doesn't know it. The g-spot is not 'deep inside' and besides, his dick would never hit it fucking her from behind anyway, dicks totally curving the wrong direction! Now *maybe* if he had laid her back on his desk and tried to fuck her at an angle where his dick was aiming towards the ceiling, but honestly probably not even then. Might as well get the fingers out.

Thank you for sharing it. I would just like to echo the suggestions about past tense verbage, knowing the correct spelling of words, and make sure to know the parts of the body your include in any story. It would be disappointing if you wrote another story but failed followed the advice about knowing the body. For instance many writers incorrectly place the hymen inside as opposed to it's correct location at the opening. It is merely the extra skin around the opening which is torn when it is stretched upon first entering or during activities such as gymnastics, ballet, horsebackriding, or bicycling. If it was internal the activities listed would not be able to rupture the skin of the hymen.

You are well on your way to being a favorite on this site. Those who seek guidance and ask for suggestions will continue to improve and grow in their writing ability.

Your a very talented writer