All Comments on 'Daddy Lets Me Be Her Tonight Ch. 02'

it was great

Who the hell is the other "girl"? Is it his wife? Is it the girl he's been chatting with? Because the readers aren't inside your head with you, you do know that, don't you? If you don't explain anything, even slightly, all it does is cause even more confusion. This is a hurried, muddled, mess, re-write, please, this time do it like an adult, with proper punctuations and sentences that don't run-on and mean nothing , like this one:..."“It’s alright baby I told her to do that, she’s been working with me since I wasn’t able to be here with you, looking deep into his eyes she kisses him for the first time...WTF? Gibberish, pure, 100 karat juvenile gibberish

Would have loved to know who the other 👧 was?