All Comments on 'Daphne and Her Milk Pt. 02'

I enjoy your story but the his/her mixup is very distracting

Not trying to sound unkind but until you get someone competent don't release the story. You're idea's great but the wrong words are used many times. It looks like you're using a spell checker which helps but not for the wrong words being used.

For instance the instead of he. I wish I could say that was the only error but it wasn't. As a published author I know how hard it is to get everything perfect, but when the reader has to reread the paragraph several times to figure out what was intended it runs the story.

Yes runs should have been ruins. That's what I mean.

I definitely used too many pronouns, and mixed them up multiple times. Lesson learned.