Dark Arrow Ch. 06

Turning his attention back to cooking Ren searched the alcove and found a pair of tongs. Carefully tearning the steaks over he was pleased to see a nice brown sear evenly across the meat. Grilling was something the Marines still enjoyed and many had applied for and gotten permission to use the infared induction grills while on ship. The technology was considered safe for ships as there was no open flame and it was highly unlikely to catch anything on fire.

On top of which with the grills being approved and hooked into the ships fire suppression system, had one ever been in a position to start a fire the ships systems could override the gill and shut it down, preventing the issue. Ren had been among those who'd gotten permission to use the grills and had spent a fair amount of time cooking on them. This however was much different, and much less predictable tech. Solar powered, likely from a panel somewhere up on the ridge of the mountain where the pipe came out.

The stove had water access from somewhere, though he couldn't see exactly where. It was one of the old Hydrogen gas grills. Utilizing tech to split water into hydrogen and oxygen gas and releasing the oxygen while utilizing the hydrogen as a fuel source. Many considered it primitive and dangerous, though so long as one knew how to handle an open flame they were really no more dangerous than any other open flame grill. However vey few people knew how to handle campfires or stoves with open flames these days and even fewer would attempt to cook on them.

It was with pride then that Ren viewed his first attempt at cooking on such a stove. Not only had he not burned the steaks into oblivion, but he'd managed to obtain a near perfect sear on the steaks. After a few minutes to sear the other side Ren grabbed his canteen and added a splash of water to the pan, before transferring it to the oven to finish cooking.

"What no baked potatoes?" Ren started and spun to see Erillia propped up on an elbow staring at him. He swallowed the first urge to smile or to give her a sarcastic response, but after a second he couldn't help himself.

"Sorry, but the store was fresh out." He cracked a crooked smile her direction. She smiled and then grimaced as she took in his tattered clothes and blood spattered appearance. "Don't," he growled under his breath. Her eyes flew to his face and his stare pierced her. "Don't go reliving this and blaming yourself. I mishandled things too, and we're both still breathing." Her eyes shone with moisture, and it took everything he had not to rush over and wipe away the tears that were threatening to fall. She was a warrior too, and while she might allow comfort at times there were other times she wanted and needed to deal with the emotions herself.

"Hard not to relive it," she grumbled to herself. "It's not every day you have two brushes with death before lunch." She stared up at him for a second, and her frown deepened. "Besides there's blood all over your clothes." She frowned as she looked him over. "Though I don't see any wounds left, so..." She trailed off and her eyes went wide as her face grew hard for a moment. Her eyes darted to his leg and then traveled slowly up and over him taking in the damage to clothes and estimating the damage she'd done to him as her eyes roamed upwards. Finally her eyes rested on his throat and the bruising that was still present there.

"Was it that bad?" She asked quietly as her eyes finally met his. Ren swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. He wanted to ease her concern, but he knew better than to try and lie to her. One deception was the most he could manage against her and keeping her in the dark about his intentions when the advocacy arrived was taxing his subterfuge skills to the max. Sighing he moved away from the stove to sit.

"Yeah," he said quietly. "Erillia you're deadly, but then you already knew that. I was starting to think you weren't able to access that killer instinct on your own which would have been bad, but you demonstrated that you are more than capable today. I didn't hold back," he murmured glancing at her, "like I warned you I wouldn't. Even so, despite the fact that I'd given you enough of a concussion that I figured I might need to dose you, you managed to take me out of the fight too. One shot, a shot I should have seen coming by the way, and you nearly collapsed my trachea completely." He shook his head in admiration only to hear her gasp in shock.

One look at her and he could see she was already starting into recriminations. Her gaze had shifted to stare off into space and her eyes had taken on a glazed look. "Don't you dare," he growled. She glanced back to him startled by his gruff tone. "I hit you hard Erillia. I didn't pull that strike to the head and I took you out too. You had swelling enough to start to affect your system which means it was into the brainstem. If I hadn't had the nanites you'd have died just as surely as I would have. You hit me after I'd delivered that blow too don't forget that, so you were able to deliver a lethal blow while on the way out yourself. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

He took a deep breath and glanced off at the celling. "I treated you like I would have an enemy Erillia, and you took it and gave it right back to me." He chuckled and rose from his seat to start pacing. "Granted had I not had the nanites it would have ended up with us both going to see our dear and fluffy lord." Pausing in his pacing he turned to fix her gaze with his and dropped his voice. "I didn't think you could bring yourself to fight like that and because I underestimated you and wanted to push you I put us both at risk."

"How could you think I didn't have a killer instinct?" She glared at him, pushing herself up on her elbow as her eyes flashed with anger. "I'm an assassin for the love of god. I'm nothing but killer instinct!" Ren nodded his head slowly as he paced back to her for a second considering his choice of words.

"Yes," he said finally, "You are an assassin." She stared to respond but he held up his hand. "However, you don't treat your jobs like a fight." He paused and saw the confusion in her eyes for a second. Moving over to the bed he knelt down next to her and took her hand. "There's a difference Erillia, and it's an important one." She met his gaze and he smiled as he saw the confusion leave her eyes.

"I don't fight them, I hunt them." She whispered softly.

"Exactly," he said, smiling at her. "Hunting is something you're comfortable with. It's something you're good at, and even when it's humans and not animals you're in your element. Fighting is a different beast all together. Hunting is clean, clear cut, and for you at least usually done from a distance. Things are entirely up to you. You pick the time to initiate and the place. You plan everything and you're always in control, or at least almost always. Fighting is a different beast all together, and the attitude and mindset needed for it are just as different."

"I see." She nodded quietly to herself and then paused as what he'd been getting at finally struck home. "When I take a job I know I'm going to kill the person and I prepare for that, but I also control how I do it. I'm not out to punish them or make them suffer. I don't have to want to cause them pain." Ren nodded, watching her eyes as she worked through the issue.

"Fighting is different," he murmured encouragingly when she remained silent. She turned haunted eyes to him, and he knew the truth had struck home for her.

"I wanted to hurt you today. I..." her voice faltered as she tried to express the thought that was rattling around in her head. "God Ren I... I wanted to hurt you because... I'm so sorry." She sobbed the last out reaching for his shoulder. He reached up and caught her hand, giving it a squeeze as he locked eyes with her.

"You have nothing, and I mean nothing, to apologize for. Don't even try to explain why you did what you did just yet, work the rest of it out and we'll come back to the why after dinner, ok." She held his gaze and felt the truth and weight behind what he was saying. He truly meant what he was saying and she could feel it. No matter how much she blamed herself Ren would have none of it, so she merely nodded.

"I... I wanted to hurt you, and because of that I looked at the fight differently. I took openings you gave me and caused you pain rather than waiting for an opening to end the fight like I have before. I was looking to injure and incapacitate not just stop you. The actual gain involved didn't matter as long as I was hurting you and not getting hurt. It... it wasn't clinical or clean anymore, I... I wanted to stab you. I wanted to throw you to the ground and kick you or stab you..." Her voice trailed off and she shook her head. "I wanted you out of commission and I didn't care how or what I did to put you there." Ren nodded quietly and gave her a fleeting half smile.

"There in lies the rub. You have to be willing to hurt the other person. You don't want to hurt me," he paused and smiled in earnest, "and for that I'm grateful because sleeping next to someone who wants to hurt you isn't any fun. However I wasn't sure you could actually access that side of yourself." He looked at her and shook his head as he contemplated his mistakes to this point.

"I should have known," he said softly reaching out and resting his hand on her shoulder. "You told me what happened to your erstwhile husband and the men who raped you. That alone should have told me that, given the right motivation, you were more than capable of that. I overlooked it and learned a painful but valuable lesson. I believe in defense of yourself or those you care about you're more than capable of doing whatever you need to or have to." Taking her hand in his he stroked the skin softly and watched her shiver and catch her breath.

"So the real question to my mind Erillia isn't what happened, because that much is clear. I pushed when I shouldn't have and you responded with a tenacity I should have expected. What I want to know is why this situation unsettled you enough to warrant you attacking me like that." He gazed into her eyes and watched the uncertainty cloud them as she fought to find an answer to his question. She sat up slowly on the edge of the bed and returned his stare. Finally with a sigh she stood and faced him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You don't want me to answer that Ren," she said quietly. Spinning on her heel she walked to the cave mouth and gazed out at the setting sun. He rose to his feet and followed her. Resting a hand softly on her shoulder he turned her to face him and met her gaze firmly. The uncertainty was gone from her eyes and he smiled softly as they flashed brilliantly with hidden emotion.

"Don't sell me short little one," he murmured. "I haven't run yet and despite what I'm sure you're conjuring up in your head I have no intention of starting now. You're safe with me, and I'm not as dense as I seemed today. I've had all afternoon to think about it, and I'm pretty sure I've figured it out myself already."

"Then why bother asking me," she growled, hugging her arms defensively.

"Because you need to admit what's going on to yourself. Besides I could be wrong, though I don't think I am." She harrumphed at him and turned back into the cave moving to stand near the stove. He moved behind her and carefully wrapped her into his arms as she relaxed back against him.

"Ren...," she sighed and shook her head. "I was afraid I'd lost you when you fell. I was so afraid, and I wasn't expecting it." She shook her head and her shoulders slumped. "We've had sex. Extremely hot, toe curling awesome sex, but still it's just sex. You've brought out a side of me I've been afraid to explore and I've loved every second of it. You've wiped out almost every bad memory I have of sex and replaced it with something new and exciting and wonderful." She shook her head as she paused for a second.

"Still," she said softly, "it's just sex. It's physical and as wonderful as it is it has a time limit on it and it wasn't supposed to have strings attached." She shrugged of his hands and spun to face him, tears glinting in the corners of her eyes as they flashed fire at him. "I'm not some silly little waif Ren, but damn you to hell I've developed feelings for you. Now what the fuck am I supposed to do about that, huh? I freaked out because I realized I was emotionally invested here and there's no way that doesn't screw everything to hell and back. So here I am, the foolish school girl falling for some guy when she knows it's going to fuck everything up. God I'm so fucking stupid, but it's too late to stop it now. You're under my skin, and I can't get you out."

She shook her head and dropped her arms, pulling away from him. Ren wrapped his arms tighter and stepped into her, dropping a kiss on the back of her head as he pulled her to him.

"Well if you're a fool I'm an even bigger one." He smiled as he held her tight and felt her freeze against him. "You've only had one relationship before this little one. I on the other hand have been around the block a time or two." He spun her to face him so she could see the intensity in his eyes as he moved back to hold her at arm's length. "I'm not inexperienced Erillia, I'd assume you gathered that from what we've done so far, and even I couldn't avoid feelings with us. You're not a fool, and you're not alone." With that he pulled her back in tight, reaching up to tilt her head up and claiming her lips with a searing kiss.

"What do you mean," Erillia asked guardedly when Ren broke this kiss and leaned back. "What kind of feelings couldn't you avoid, and just what do you suggest we do about this now?" Ren sighed and released her stepping back as he glanced over her face. With a grunt he shrugged his shoulders and walked past her to the stove. She stared after him, mouth agape as he seemed to ignore her and go about retrieving the steaks from the oven. Finally he spoke, though he didn't turn.

"I could say I love you Erillia, but that's trite and you'll just blow it off. You already know I've got feelings for you. I told you that before, but they're much deeper than you probably imagine. I don't know how, and I don't know why but as you said you're under my skin. I think you're selling us short though," He said turning to fix her with a hard stare. She frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm guessing that it goes beyond mere feelings Erillia." He said softly as he turned back and placed the steaks onto plates before moving to the table. Motioning for her to join him he sat down and took a swig of water from his canteen. Her frown deepened, but she couldn't deny the teasing aroma of the venison so she moved over and sat slowly.

"You and I have connected on a level that's deeper than mere feelings," he said after a moment of silence. "I've done things I wouldn't have done for anyone else, and so have you. I'd be devastated if I thought you'd been ripped away from me, especially if it was something I could have prevented. I'm just guessing but I'd wager that's what bothered you so much when I tripped." He shook his head and chuckled as he sliced into his steak.

"I should have known and I shouldn't have pushed," he glanced up and his eyes flashed with emotion so deep it took her breath away. "I couldn't help myself though little one. I couldn't stand not being able to touch you or having you that angry at me. I know I played it wrong and for that I'm sorry. You have to know though that all I wanted to do was run to you and hold you. Anything to take away that fear in your eyes. I acted the way I did because I foolishly thought if I acted like it was no big deal you wouldn't freak as bad."

He chuckled again. "Fat lot of good that did me. Instead I switched you from being scared to being outraged, and rightly so. I gave you some room and some time. I figured you'd come around." He shook his head and smiled. "Like I said, foolish and then when you reacted badly to me I decided to push the issue. I wasn't thinking straight. I was irritated that you wouldn't let me close and shocked, pleased but shocked, to see that look in your eyes and feel that lethal intent coming from you."

He smiled and his eyes flashed with pride as he remembered the fight, taking a bite of steak and chewing it as he let what he'd said already sink in. "Then you got in several shots and I could feel my own fighting blood rising. I warned you off, but I should have just stopped. I figured I could take you no problem. Figured you'd falter like you had before and wouldn't take the openings if I came at you hard." He glanced at her hard and she saw the intensity in that stare and matched it with one of her own.

"You should know little one that I've been in fights with a lot of people who wanted me dead. I'm lethal and I've had plenty of experience putting it into practice." He paused and raised a hand to his throat and she winced as he rested it there and she saw the bruising he was touching. "Never," he whispered, and she started at the pride that rang in his voice. "Never have I come that close to death, and never have I taken that kind of injury from a hand to hand combat."

She stared at him for a moment, the bite of steak she'd been chewing suddenly a lump of cardboard in her mouth she forced herself to swallow. She wanted to burst out laughing and call him a damn liar to his face. She might have been a killer, but she certainly wasn't combat trained like some of the men he'd faced. If she was honest she'd have to admit that Ren was right about her. She could hunt and stalk, but she wasn't a straight up fighter. Her kills were clean, clinical almost.

Of course she knew what she was doing when she let that arrow fly, and as she'd demonstrated she had no problem with an up close kill other than managing to get away. Still it wasn't like she picked her targets. She had nothing personal invested in her kills. She was the weapon, but not the intent behind them. With a shudder she admitted, if only to herself that Ren was right. She could fight to defend herself and she could kill, but she'd never actually wanted to hurt her target until today.

More importantly, and more dangerously, he was right about how she'd felt when he'd gone down. She'd been absolutely terrified, as if the most important part of her had been snuffed out. She'd never given anyone that, not even the bastard she'd married. She'd known something wasn't right with him from the start, and despite having a first rate crush on him at the start she'd never let him become that important to her. Ren though, she'd known him less than a month. In that time he'd nearly killed her several times, admittedly some of those weren't intentional but still the risk had been there.

Ren was fire and passion. Demanding and dangerous, completely alpha and lethal. Everything about him should have had her running the other way. He was controlling and bossy at times, and with her personality and past she should be running far far away from him. She most definitely shouldn't be melting every time he growled a command at her or preening with pride that she'd forced him to treat her like a real threat. She absolutely shouldn't be wanting to jump his bones while he was straight up admitting to knowingly injuring her.

Finally she gave up analyzing the situation and broke eye contact with him, returning her attention to the steak. Taking her time and studiously ignoring the weight of Ren's gaze on her she cut another piece off and transferred it to her mouth savoring the taste, smell, and sensation of eating an exceptional piece of expertly prepared meat. She glanced up at him and he smirked as she quirked an eyebrow and made a show of chewing and swallowing.

"And just what am I supposed to think or say about that statement Ren?" She asked mildly. "Is it supposed to have more importance that I realize?" She locked eyes with him challenging and defiant but still warm. He chuckled and the deep rumbling sound made her skin prick with heat and moisture pool between her thighs. She took a shaky breath and transferred another slice of meat from her plate to her mouth carefully.