Dark End of the Street

He paused then said, "It hit her in the forehead and she died sitting up straight, her head pushed into the headrest. Had the windshield not been hit, I wouldn't have even looked over. There was no other sound. Not even from her. It was just...over."

For a moment, Nicole forgot all about being a psychologist as her own personal tragedy hit her again like it hadn't since the day Detective Walden had told her Jeremy was dead. She wasn't sure how long she sat there staring into space before she heard him say, "Doctor Benson?"

"Yes. I'm listening, Nick. Please. Go on."

"I...still can't get the imagine of seeing her out of mind. I've...I've seen people killed by gunshots quite a few times before, but...but this was my wife."

He paused to get control then said, "She was the love of my life, and just like that, she was gone. I was single again and our daughter no longer had a mother."

There was another pause before he looked down then said, "She was so little she didn't know what happened. She just kept asking why Mommy didn't come home."

He stopped talking then sat up straight and said, "Before we go any further, I have a confession to make."

Nicole cocked her head slightly indicating she was interested in hearing about it.

"A detective I know recommended you, because, well, because he knew about your husband and he thought you'd have better insight than any other therapist. I was going to mention that upfront, but we got started talking and I..."

"No. That's fine, Nick. But may I ask you the detective's name?"

He barely got the name of the same man who'd showed up at her house out of his mouth before the same feelings cascaded down on her yet again.

"I didn't mean to upset you," she heard Nick say.

She shook her head again, then trying to regain control she said, "No. You...you didn't upset me. You surprised me, but I'm not upset."

"I seem to be doing that a lot, huh?" he said quietly. "Surprising you."

She forced a smile then said, "Thank you for letting me know."

"There's one other thing I wanted to say," Nick told her.

Nicole didn't reply.

"The detective told me my wife died within ten feet of where your husband was killed. On...the dark end of the street."

Nicole just sat there staring. Not at him but through him as she contemplated the unbelievable probability of any two people having this kind of tragedy in common let alone one in which the location of their loved one's death was so physically close to the other's.

After several moments of silence, Nicole knew she couldn't let herself be sidetracked. This was Nick's time, not hers. She didn't say anything about what he'd just told her. She again smiled then asked him to share whatever else was on his mind, and for the rest of their time, she let Nick talk.

She occasionally asked, "How does that make you feel?" or, "What do you think about that?" but otherwise just sat and listened, hoping that by opening up to her, he might be able to work through this.

Nicole knew that a large part of therapy was acting as a guide for the patient. Therapists didn't have answers. They just had a better idea of how to help other people find their own answers. Or at least that was the goal, anyway.

"I'd like to see you again, Nick," she told him when their session was over.

"Definitely," he said immediately. "This was surprisingly helpful. I don't know if the feeling will last, but this is the first relief I've gotten since Cindy's death, and I worry because I don't want Aubrey, that's our daughter, to be influenced by a sad, grieving father. I do my best, but I'm at work a lot, then when I get home, I need to decompress, but she needs to play and spend time with me. Between that and the grief, it's...well, it's a lot to handle, and I've always prided myself on handling things. Since my wife's death, I've felt like my life is spinning out of control."

He smiled at her then said, "For a few minutes at least, you helped it stand still again. So thank you for that."

"You're welcome, Nick. Therapy is a fluid thing. It's not like treating a physical wound where a doctor follows certain, specific steps. It's often a lot of hit and miss, and if we got in a 'hit' today, that's wonderful."

Other than the initial mention of her, his daughter hadn't come up at all during their conversation, so Nicole asked a question to confirm what her paperwork said.

"She's...four, right? Your daughter. Aubrey."

Nick smiled and said, "Yes. And going on 14."

Nicole laughed then said, "I have a daughter who's 19, and I do remember."

"I'm sorry. Did you just tell me that you have a daughter who's 19?" Nick asked sounding incredulous.

Nicole laughed and said, "I do indeed."

"Wow. I uh, I guess I'll just have to take your word on that," he told her with a smile. "I'm still not sure I believe you, but you look pretty honest so..."

Nicole laughed again and realized she hadn't been thinking about Jeremy or even feeling the way she'd felt the last there years.

"Anyway, in spite of what I just said about how I've been feeling the last two years, Aubrey's been my reason for living," Nick told her as the smile faded from his face. "I just want to make sure I'm not messing her life up, too, you know?"

"I understand completely," Nicole told him, knowing that she did. "And I'm sure you're not messing anything up, Nick. You seem to be a very caring father."

"That's why I agreed to see you, Doctor Benson. I knew that unlike other therapists, who say they understand, you actually do."

He paused then added, "And I'm very sorry that you do."

"Me, too, Nick. But perhaps there's something good that will come of all this. I honestly have no idea what that might be, but I've tried my best to remain optimistic. My in-laws say I'm hopelessly so, but that doesn't mean I don't miss my husband all the time."

"Jeremy, right?" he asked knowing she'd know how he knew.

"Yes," she said quietly.

As she walked him out she told him, "I have to say I had no idea there was any connection here, Nick. And I'm also very glad you decided to see me and for being willing to share so openly. I suppose that could possibly be considered a bright spot."

"I'm glad you could fit me in. And while I'm not as optimistic as you are, I'm at least hopeful something good might eventually come out of this, too. If I can even help avoid passing on my sadness to Aubrey, it'll be more than worth it."

She went to open the door when Nick said, "And while you're the therapist and I'm the patient, if talking with me is any comfort to you, that'll be another plus."

His words, and especially the sincerity behind them, touched her deeply. Nicole opened the door and led him out to Kathy's desk and told her, "Please set Mr. Abrams up for a follow-on appointment at his convenience, would you?"

She smiled at Nick then said, "Or should I say, 'Officer Abrams'?"

Nick smiled back and told her he answered to pretty much anything and with that, Nicole excused herself. She had a full slate of patients that day, and the next one was waiting in Room 2, but she found herself unable to shake either the number of things she had in common with this very good-looking, much-younger police officer, or even just how attractive she thought he was.

She had no thought whatsoever of anything romantic ever happening for a couple of very obvious reasons, but he wasn't just handsome he was...attractive...in just about every way she could think of, and that thought alone was unsettling, because she hadn't been attracted to anyone since the day Jeremy Benson first asked her out so many years ago.

The following day, Officer Nick Abrams was back at work, and bumped into Detective Walden, who'd referred him to Dr. Benson, and who'd delivered to her the worst news of her life.

"How'd your session go?" the older man asked very quietly, knowing how sensitive this was to the young officer he'd taken a personal interest in a couple years back after the death of his wife. Like Nick, he'd also been a Marine, and it was true that the bond Marines shared was for life. The younger man had held it all in for the entire time, but Walden took the opportunity over a beer one evening to get Nick to finally open up. When he did, it was obvious he wasn't okay.

"It was really helpful," Nick told him. "I appreciate you giving me her name."

The older man smiled then said, "You're probably too young to see her the way I do, but she's...well, let's just say I find her very attractive."

Nick chuckled quietly then said, "No, I'm not too young to have noticed. She is very attractive."

"I've thought about asking her out several times since my divorce, but then, considering how we met..."

"Yeah, that'd be a pretty tough hurdle to overcome," Nick said in agreement.

"True. Then there's also the part about me not being anyway close to being in her league in terms of looks, so... Anyway, there are plenty of other fish in the sea, right?" the detective said as he slapped Nick on the shoulder. "Let me know how it goes, will you?"

"Sure, thing, Sarge," he told the veteran detective-sergeant as they headed in for the morning briefing.

After their next session, Nicole asked him as she was walking him upfront again, "You mentioned being a Marine. Do you run by any chance?"

"I do, as a matter of fact," he told her. "I'd run every day if I could, but with work and daycare, it's hard to get in the kind of miles I'd like, but I do run about five miles, three to four days a week. Why? Do you run?"

"I'm an addict," Nicole told him with a laugh. "I'm out there 6-7 days a week unless it's raining hard or so icy it's dangerous. Even then, I go to the gym and run on a treadmill."

She paused then said, "Treadmills. Yuck!"

Nick laughed and said, "Tell me about it. You get off and feel like you're moving backwards!"

Nicole laughed and told him, "Oh, right! Yeah, the first time that happened to me I nearly fell over! Ever since I've been on guard for it, but yeah, that's just one more thing I don't care for about treadmills. But when you're an addict you'll do most anything to get a fix, right?"

Nick laughed politely then asked her a question

"Are you running in the Seattle PD 10k next month?"

"No. I didn't realized the police department even sponsored a run."

"This is the first of what I hope will be many more. We have a new chief and he's trying all kinds of new things to reach out to the community, and that includes 'the war zone'."

"I'm all for anything that helps," she told him. "And I'll definitely check into it."

Nick showed up four days later for his third session and handed Nicole an entry form for the race before they began.

"Oh, right! I checked this out on line after you left and planned to sign up, but this is even better!" she told him. "Thank you, and I'll have it ready for you when you come back on Thursday."

"About that. I'm gonna need to cut back to one session a week from here on out," Nick said.

"Is it work or...money?" she asked very politely.

"Your rates are the same as most other therapists, it's just that twice a week really adds up, you know?"

Nicole felt silly for feeling 'cheated', and yet that's exactly how she felt when she learned she'd only be able to see him once a week. Without hesitation she made him an offer.

"I could see you on a sliding-scale basis, Nick. If that would help."

"It's not that I can't pay, I just can't afford two visits a week. And while that's very generous of you, I don't like taking handouts so..."

Nicole understood it was a matter of pride so she reluctantly agreed to cut their sessions in half. In all fairness, she was seeing real improvement, so this might not be a bad idea—for Nick, at least.

"Okay. Once a week it is," she said with a forced smile.

"So I'll see you next Tuesday then?" Nick asked just to confirm.

"Yes. Tuesday," she told him.

That evening, Nicole found herself not just thinking about her patient, she was unable to get him off her mind. Yes, he was a good-looking guy, but he was maybe half her age and her patient. So what was it about him that was doing this to her?

The following day, she still didn't have an answer.,

Unable to stop thinking about Nick, after her 11am appointment, Dr. Benson said to Kathy, "I'm going out for a while during lunch today."

"You? You're leaving the office?" her assistant teased. "You never leave!"

"I just have an errand to run. That's all," Nicole told her hoping Kathy would leave it at that even though by avoiding eye contact she was sure her assistant would know something was going on.

"An errand. Okaaaay," the older woman said with a smile when Nicole finally looked at her.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?" her boss asked knowing the answer without having to ask.

"Oh, just because," Kathy said, unable to stop smiling. "Let's just say I've gotten to know you pretty well over the years, Doctor Benson."

Nicole knew Kathy didn't know where she was going or why, but she did know her assistant knew something was going on, and she had no desire to get into it with her because Kathy would jump to conclusions and start making wedding plans at the first hint of her finding someone attractive or even interesting. Then again, the fact that he was her patient would just add to her discomfort, and she was feeling plenty of that by virtue of her having these feelings—whatever they were—for someone she was seeing professionally. And yet there was no denying she was having them.

By not saying what she was doing, she could at least pretend she was only dropping off the form in person to make sure it didn't get lost. Or...something like that. Nicole was fully aware there was no need to stop by the police precinct where Nick worked to drop off the entry form in person when she could either mail it in, fill one out on line, or wait until Nick came in next week. But she also knew she didn't want to wait that long to see him again, and the fact that she didn't, bothered her as much as the fact that she was his therapist. Okay, she liked being his therapist, she just couldn't date anyone who was her patient.

Or...could she? It wasn't illegal. It was just considered unethical. Just...

And why was she even thinking about 'dating' someone when the other person had shown no such interest in her? Nicole hadn't dated anyone since Jeremy's passing, and yet here she was going to a patient's place of work just to see him, using the flimsiest of pretenses for doing so, yet unable to stop herself from going when her rational brain was screaming at her not to go.

That thought embarrassed her more than all the others combined as she told Kathy, "Well, I'm glad you know me so well, Ms. Busybody."

Both of them smiled at the other then laughed before Nicole said, "I'll be back before my 1 o'clock."

"Oh, take your time...doctor," Kathy said with that ever-present grin of hers.

Nicole shook her head and turned to leave as Kathy said, "And whoever the lucky guy is, I want to meet him—and soon!"

"Kathy..." she said pretending to be annoyed.

"What? I'm just telling you the truth," her assistant said with a big old smile as Nicole walked out.

The area known as the Central District was served by Seattle's West Precinct which was located on Virginia Street, just a couple of blocks north of Nicole's office, and that meant she could walk there in just a few minutes. She slipped out of her heels and into her walking shoes then headed out with the completed entry form in her purse.

As she walked, Nicole found herself humming then singing a song she hadn't even allowed herself to think of since the day Jeremy died. He'd been a huge blues and R&B fan, and one of his favorite songs had been The Dark End of the Street from 1967 by James Carr. She couldn't bring herself to sing it because Detective Walden had used that phrase to describe the place where Jeremy had been gunned down. And each time she walked through that area, she realized how accurate his description of it was.

But today, for the first time in years, she smiled as she 'heard' James Carr's silky voice singing:

At the dark end of the street

That's where we always meet

Hiding in shadows where we don't belong

Living in darkness to hide our wrong

You and me, at the dark end of the street.

As she walked into the precinct office, she had yet another confusing thought as she wondered whether or not she even cared that she might be doing something wrong or even 'just' unethical.

"May I help you?" a female sergeant sitting up front asked.

"Oh. Yes. I was wondering if Officer Abrams might be available," Nicole said with a bright, cheerful smile.

"He's on patrol. Can I help you with something?" the sergeant asked, her voice flat and uninterested.

"Oh. No. I...I don't think so," Nicole said wondering why she'd just assumed he'd be here sitting behind a desk rather than out doing his job.

"Did you want to leave a message?" the other woman asked.

"That's okay," Nicole said now feeling extremely foolish. "Thank you anyway."

She turned to leave, now wishing she hadn't gone there, then stepped outside and braced herself for the blast of cold air and the brisk walk back when she heard a voice say, "Mrs. Benson?"

She turned and although it took her a second, she recognized the detective who'd been waiting for her that cold December day three years ago.

"Detective!" she said pleasantly. "This is a pleasant surprise."

"I assure you the pleasure is all mine," he told her. "Did you need something?"

"Oh. No. I...I just stopped by to um...drop off the form of the 10k run," she said hoping to avoid the reason why.

"I see," Detective Walden said as he immediately 'got it' knowing there was no need for her to so in person. "Were you by any chance hoping to maybe drop it off with Nick?"

There wasn't any accusation in the question. He was just asking, and yet Nicole felt like he was somehow reading her mind and her deepest thoughts.

"It's no big deal," she told him which didn't answer his question.

"Mrs. Benson? Actually, it's Doctor Benson, isn't it?" he asked.

"Nicole. Please," she told him.

"Okay...Nicole. Listen, I was just getting ready to go to lunch. If you have time, I'd be happy to buy yours. If you have time, of course."

Nicole couldn't tell if he was asking because he wanted to spend time with her or if he was just being friendly. Either way, she did have the time, and although she'd secretly hoped Nick might be the one asking her, she felt it was the least she could do considering everything he'd done to try and solve Jeremy's murder. The fact that it was still unsolved didn't matter at the moment so she agreed.

"Great. There's a decent place just half a block east," he said.

When he saw her confusion, he pointed and said with a smile, "That way."

He wasn't an unattractive man, he just wasn't very ...attractive. At least not to her. She managed not to smile when she thought how happy Kathy would be to have a man like this ask her out, but she wasn't Kathy, and as good and decent a man as he might be, that would never happen. Nicole was no snob, she was just well aware that some amount of attraction had to exist in any kind of dating relationship.

They chatted politely on the way about how she was getting along then made small talk for a few minutes while they sipped a cup of coffee and waited for their food at the cafe.

"Nick says he feels like he's made some real progress by meeting with you," Detective Walden, whose first name was Mark, told her.

"Oh, I'm happy to hear that. I can't really talk about anything we discuss, but it's reassuring to hear you let me know he feels it been helpful," Nicole told him.

Their food came, and after thanking their server, Mark said, "I probably should mind my own business, but well, Nick and I are both former Marines, and as they say, 'we take care of our own'."