Dark End of the Street

He took a bite of his sandwich, chewed a little, then said before swallowing it, "I told him I thought you were an incredibly attractive woman."

Assuming he was about to ask her out, Nicole smiled and said, "Thank you, Mark," without any kind of enthusiasm.

"I also told him that had we not met in the way we did, I'd have considered asking you out."

He swallowed the food then said, "But I told him I wasn't anywhere near being in your league so..."

Trying to be polite, Nicole said, "Don't be so hard on yourself. You're a very nice man."

He smiled then said, "You see. That's the problem. I'm 'the nice guy'. And we all know where 'nice guys' finish, right?"

She wasn't sure who first said that, but Nicole was familiar with the phrase.

"Not always, right?" she said pleasantly.

"No, not always, but in this case, I uh, well, let's just say I know my limitations."

Nicole had just taken a tiny first bite of her own so Detective Walden kept talking, but not until he'd taken a second, much larger bite of his own then again began talking after pushing the half-chewed food to the side of his mouth.

"This is where I'm taking care of my fellow Marine even though he'd probably kill me if..."

Mark stopped in mid-sentence then said, "I'm sorry. That was incredibly insensitive of me."

Nicole managed a smile and said, "No. It's fine. I know it was just a figure of speech. Please finish your thought."

"Well, I was just gonna say that Nick mentioned that he um...well, he also noticed that you're, you know...very attractive, and while I know he's kind of a youngster, he's a really good guy and an excellent police officer."

Most, but not all, of the guilt Nicole had been feeling about well, her...feelings...drained away as she took in those words.

"Well, perhaps the young officer needs to have his eyes checked," she said feeling like she was...happy again for the first time in years. Or maybe since the first time she and Nick had talked.

"No, trust me on this. Nick's got that one right," Mark told her with another smile that showed a piece of lettuce between his teeth.

She winced and as delicately as she could, she quickly pointed causing the detective to turn to the side and pick at it.

"Gone?" he asked when he looked back.

"Yes," she said trying not to laugh.

"Anyway, I know he's your patient, and I know he's a little on the young side, but I get the impression he may...I don't know. Like you, like you."

Suddenly, the feelings of foolishness returned, and Nicole found herself wishing she'd stayed at work like she always did. Just the fact that she was riding an emotional roller coaster that flip-flopped that fast caused her even more concern.

"What am I even doing here?" she said, unaware she'd said it out loud. She spoke the words quietly, but even so, Detective Walden heard her.

"Having lunch?" he said, not sure why she'd said that.

"Sorry. I just realized I need to get back to the office. I do apologize for running off like this on you, Mark," she said as she reached for her purse.

"Let me help you with your coat," he said as he stood up when she did.

She thanked him then apologized again before excusing herself. Nicole chided herself the rest of the way back to her office, and by the time she arrived, she felt like she'd put this whole mess behind her.

"That was fast," Kathy said as soon as she saw Dr. Benson.

"Maybe you should make an appointment for me with a therapist, Kathy," her boss said without explaining why.

Again, her assistant said, "Okaaay..." as she very much wanted to ask what was going on.

Nicole smiled then said in her normal, cheerful voice, "No, on second thought, there's no need. Everything is just fine now."

"Okaaaay," Kathy replied again before telling her about a change to her three o'clock appointment.

Nicole honestly believed she'd put the whole silly idea out of her mind until Tuesday when Nick came in holding a little girl in his arms. Her heart melted when she saw her as she asked if her name was Aubrey.

"Yes. My name is Aubrey Marie Abrams, and I'm this many," the sweet little girl said as she held up four tiny fingers.

"I traded shifts with someone so I get to spend the day with my best girl," Nick told her. "I hope this is okay."

"Of course!" Nicole said, unable to take her eyes off of Aubrey.

"She is so pretty!" Nicole told Nick even as she smiled at the little girl.

"Can you say 'thank you', sweetie?" her dad told her.

"Thank you," she said politely to Dr. Benson. "You're pretty, too."

Before Nicole could thank her back, Nick said, "See. I told you."

And just like that, the feelings were back. She felt like she had butterflies in her tummy and couldn't even look at him.

"Well, why don't we get started," she said as she moved to the couch across from his.

Nick sat down, too, while Aubrey clung to him. He turned her around but let her stay on his lap as Nicole said, "So are you still feeling the sense of relief you mentioned?"

"I am," he told her with a smile. "I've even felt hopeful again."

"That's wonderful!" Nicole replied with genuine enthusiasm.

"But I need to discuss something else with you today," Nick told her as his voice got more serious.

"Oh, okay. Sure. Let's talk about it."

"Well, this isn't going to be easy," he began.

"Therapy rarely is," Nicole said.

Before he could say anything else, Aubrey said to Nicole, "Can I sit on your lap?"

"Honey, Doctor Benson is working right now so..."

Nicole sat her tablet down immediately and reached out for the sweet little girl and said, "Sure! Come here and see me!"

Nick took his hands off of her and Nicole reached over and scooped her up.

"Hi, there!" she said as she pulled Aubrey toward her.

Her happiness didn't disappear but it faded into another, deeper emotion when the girl reached up and put her little arms around her neck and said, "I really like you."

Nicole was so moved, all she could say was, "I really like you, too," as she hugged her back.

Nick was smiling and after a couple of seconds said, "She's never done that before with anyone except my mom."

Nicole knew her eyes were wet and didn't care as Aubrey clung to her the way she'd held her father when they first came in.

"Best session ever," Nicole managed to say as she blinked as fast as she could.

Nick reached for the small box of tissue and handed one to her.

Nicole took it and dabbed her eyes and thanked him.

Aubrey pulled back and said, "Are you sad?"

"No. No, I'm not sad, sweetheart," Nicole told her.

"Cuz if you are, I can give you another hug," she said with the kind of sweet innocence only a child can pull off.

"I'd like another hug very much, though," Nicole told her.

When Aubrey wrapped her arms around her again, Nicole saw Nick smiling at her.

"I'm not gonna want to let her go when our time is up," she said.

Nick leaned forward then said, "That's kind of what I wanted to talk about."

"Leaving Aubrey with me?" she teased knowing she'd love to have her stay.

"Nicole? This...this is gonna sound really crazy, and it's embarrassing to even say, but it's something I have to say."

"Can I turn you around, Miss Aubrey?" Nicole asked knowing she needed to focus on what Nick was about to tell her.

The little girl let go and let herself be spun around allowing Nicole to look over head at her patient.

"Is this too unprofessional?" she asked him before he began.

"Not at all. It's actually pretty wonderful," Nick told her.

"Yes. Yes, it is," Nicole agreed. "Okay. I'm listening."

"Well, after our last session I went home and did some research online because something was bothering me so much."

Nicole's smile faded as she asked, "Nick, did I say something to offend you?"

"No. Not at all. No, just the opposite. Or maybe not the opposite, but..."

He sat back up straight, exhaled then said, "This isn't going to be as easy as I thought."

"Go ahead, Nick. You can tell me anything."

"Wow. Okay. Well, here goes," he said as he leaned back over, resting his elbows on his thighs.

"I'm sure you know what 'transference' is," he began.

Nicole's heart began pounding the moment he said the word.

"I do," she said quietly. "It's when a patient redirects their feelings from someone important to them to their therapist."

"I knew you knew, but I'd never heard the word before. All I knew was that when I left your office, I...I knew I was having these...feelings."

He hesitated, looked right at her, then said, "Romantic feelings. For you. I know that's ridiculous, but now I know I'm not the first or only person to ever do that. But I uh...I can't shake them. The feelings."

Nicole wished she really was seeing a fellow therapist as the surreal nature of what was happening hit her with full force. She was sitting right in front of the only man she'd been attracted to since meeting her late husband, and she was holding the little girl she'd always wanted but never had on her lap, and this man was telling her he had feelings for her.

Now it was her world that felt like it was spinning out of control.

"Nicole? Did you hear me?" Nick said.

"Oh. Sorry. Yes. I was listening, Nick," she told him, not sure if she'd possibly missed something.

"I'm no expert, but isn't this one of those things that means I can't be your patient anymore?" he asked in a way that let her know that wasn't what he wanted.

It took a few seconds to collect her thoughts, and when she did, she began by saying, "Normally, yes. And it may well be we'll have to find someone else to work with you, but that really depends on what exactly these thoughts you're having are."

Her heart was still pounding as she sat there wanting to tell him she was experiencing 'countertransference' which was what happened when a therapist projected his or her feelings onto the patient. Somehow, she managed not to and asked him to try and explain what kind of feelings he was having.

"Are you sure you want me to tell you?" Nick asked.

"It's the only way to know how problematic this might be."

He exhaled loudly then said, "I've never even looked at another woman since my first date with Cindy."

"That's my mommy's name," Aubrey said when she heard her father say 'Cindy'.

"Yes. Yes, it is," Nicole said sweetly as she looked at Nick indicating he should keep going.

"I don't know. I mean, maybe it's because we share such similar tragedies. Maybe it's nothing more than me finding you very attractive."

Nicole's heart was thumping so hard she thought Aubrey would notice as she tried to say very calmly, "Please go on."

"But I...I think it's more than that, Nicole," he said as his eyes bored into hers.

"More?" she asked, her throat dry to the point of barely being able to speak.

"Well, yes. I'm having trouble thinking about anything but you. I wake up thinking about being here talking with you and I imagine us, you know, going out somewhere and having a nice time, and..."

"And?" she asked as she swallowed hard.

"I don't want to say anything else. Not with Aubrey here," he said as he broke eye contact.

"Oh. I...I see," she said suddenly aware more than just her eyes were wet.

"I keep hoping it'll go away, you know, so I can keep coming here, but it...it doesn't. Go away. It just keeps getting worse."

Trying her best to say something professional she asked him a question which was really more personal than professional.

"Nick, you have to have noticed I'm not exactly your age. I'm...I'm a lot older than you are, and you can't be unaware of that, right?"

"That just makes it all the more crazy to me. I mean, I do know you're older than me, but no matter how I try and make that seem important, it isn't. At all. I just want to be able to get to know you better."

He looked right at her again then said, "Outside of your office."

She didn't respond so Nick said, "I guess that means I should probably head on out."

"Are we going home, Daddy?" Aubrey asked. "I don't want to go. I wanna stay here with my new friend."

"Doc?" he finally said.

Knowing she was going to tell him, she tried to stall the inevitable as long as she could.

"Nick, since I started practicing, I've prided myself on being the consummate professional. I've never done anything inappropriate or had anything even close to an inappropriate relationship. I was always very much in love with my husband so even the most attractive patient had no effect on me."

Before she could go on Nick spoke.

"I know you don't share my feelings. I get that. And I appreciate you trying to let me down easy," he said with a weak smile. "You don't have to explain. I...I understand."

As she looked at him and held Aubrey in her lap, she said, "No. You don't understand. At all."

He blinked and kind of shook his head then said, "I'm confused. Maybe I don't understand."

She smiled back at him almost wistfully as she said, "What you don't understand is that I've been dealing with these same feelings, too. It's called..."

"Countertransference," Nick filled in. "I read that online, too."

Nicole smiled then sighed again.

"I...I even went to the precinct to drop off the entry form just so I could see you. When I found out you were out doing your job I was both deeply saddened and very relieved."

"Detective Walden told me you had lunch together. Well...kind of."

Nicole smiled then said, "I left early because my resolve—to resist these feelings—came back, and I knew I had to deal with them. And until you walked back in here today, I thought I had. But then you brought this little angel with you. Then when I saw you, I..."

"My mommy is a ainjull," Aubrey said causing Nick to smile and Nicole's eyes to tear up again.

"Yes she is, honey," Nicole told her as she squeezed the little girl tight. "So is my husband, Jeremy."

"Did he get kilted, too?" she asked with that childlike curiosity.

"Yes. Yes he did," she told him.

"Some bad man kilted my mommy with a gun," she said matter of factly.

"I'm so sorry, honey. I know you miss her."

"Well, since she's a ainjull, she can see me so I talk to her sometimes."

"What do you tell her, sweetheart?" Nicole asked as sweetly as she could, trying not to cry.

"Well, I ask her to come home, but I know she can't 'cause Jeez-us needs her more than we do, so I ask her to make my daddy stop being sad all the time."

A tear fell from Nicole's eyes as Nick handed her another tissue.

She now exhaled a long, slow breath then looked at Nick and said, "I think we have a problem."

"Or not?'" Nick offered with a smile.

"No, we definitely have a problem," Nicole told him. "I can't see you professionally when both of us feel like this, Nick. I'm sorry, but I just can't."

He stood up, then stepped around the small coffee table between them and knelt next to her.

When she looked at him he smiled then said, "Then see me socially."

"What? Nick, are you...are you serious?" she asked.

Her heart had slowed back down and was again beating like crazy when he said, "Yes. I'm very serious, Nicole. Come have dinner with us tomorrow night."

"Are you sure?" she asked not sure she heard him correctly.

He reached out and took her left hand in his then said, "I am. I can find another therapist even though I think I'm okay now. But I can't ever find another you, and I can't risk that."

The mood was broken when Aubrey said, "My daddy makes very delicious pancakes!"

Nicole was on the verge of crying anyway, and when Aubrey said that, it opened a floodgate of emotions as she both laughed and cried at the same time as Nick stood up then sat next to her.

He put his arm around her then asked, "So is that a 'yes'?"

Nicole was still crying and laughed again as she tried to say, "Yes. That is most definitely a 'yes'!"

Nick laughed, too, then asked, "So are you now officially no longer my therapist?"

His face was just inches from hers as she turned to answer him.

"That's up to you, Nick. If you tell me I'm not, then...I'm not."

"Doctor Benson? I hereby inform you that you are no longer my therapist," he told her.

"Okay," she said quietly.

"So...may I kiss you?" he asked just as quietly.

"That's up to you, too," she said again only this time her voice was barely a whisper.

Nick's lips pressed against hers for the first time, and Nicole softly sighed as she pressed hers back against him.

Aubrey had turned her head around and was watching.

"Why are you kissing my daddy?" she asked, causing Nicole to slowly pull away.

"Well, because...because I like your daddy very much."

"Oh, okay," Aubrey answered, satisfied with the response.

She spun around the other way then said, "Daddy? Do you like her, too?"

"Very much, honey," he told her without taking his eyes off of his former therapist.

"So ca this be our new family?" Aubrey asked, again with that sense of innocence that was so real and so genuine.

Using Nicole's line, her father said, "That's up to her, sweetie."

Nicole's heart wasn't racing anymore, but it was full again for the first time in over three years as the thought of that possibly becoming a reality hit her very hard in the most wonderful kind of way.

"And if I were to say 'yes'?" she asked Nick, still staring into his eyes.

"Then I would be a very happy man," he told her.

"Be careful what you wish for, Officer," she said sweetly with a bright, happy smile.

"Oh, I'm very careful about my wishes...doctor," he replied with an equally happy smile.

"Then I would love to have dinner with you and Miss Aubrey tomorrow."

She kissed him then said, "Or any other time."

"I like the sound of that," Nick said before kissing her again.

The knock on the door startled Nicole as she pulled away again only very quickly this time.

"Doctor Benson? Your next appointment is expecting you. Is everything okay in there?"

Somehow Nicole managed not to laugh as she told Kathy, "Yes. Everything is perfect."

The following evening, Nicole insisted on cooking the meal since she'd been invited to their home. And Nick had spent every spare minute he had cleaning it and putting things away, something he'd let slide since his wife's passing. It wasn't exactly a model home when he let Nicole in, but it was neat and clean and that was more than good enough.

As she got dinner ready, Nicole couldn't decide whose company she enjoyed more, her handsome new boyfriend or his adorable little girl. He was so caring and attentive and willing to help while Aubrey was as sweet and wonderful as she'd ever imagined a daughter could be. Even her own.

The meal itself was very pleasant, but it paled in comparison to the joy Nicole got from being asked if she would read bedtime stories to Aubrey.

"I would love to read to you!" she said once she got ready for bed around 8pm.

Aubrey was beyond cute in her little pink nightie and when she took Nicole's hand (or rather her finger) to lead her to her bedroom, she felt her eyes filling with tears yet again. When Nick reached for her other hand and took it, tears of joy streamed down her face. She tried to dry them before Aubrey found the book she wanted to have read to her, but it was obvious she'd been crying.

"Why are you sad this time?" Aubrey asked when she handed her her favorite book.

"I'm not sad, honey. I'm just so happy I can't help crying."

"That doesn't make any sense!" Aubrey informed her as she lay down on the bed before inviting Nicole to join her.

Nick sat next to them and couldn't stop smiling as Nicole not only read to his daughter, but used different voices for each of the characters. Aubrey was spellbound as Nicole brought each of the characters to life for her.

"Read it again!" she said when Nicole finished.

"No, that's enough for one night," her father said coming to the rescue.