All Comments on 'Dark Horse Ch. 01'

But oh sooo not BDSM

Non con or fetish is the right category.

Love the story line and characters so far.

This is just not erotic!

There are rewards if you make it to the end.

you have only begun with a tease, yet you expect us to be patient.

you, my dear, are the person who enjoys the build up more than the culmination.

and, if I am correct, it is the intrigue of the unknown that is far more critical than the outcome.

Masterfuljim, maybe it don't contain BDSM as you recognize it but the content is definitely of a BDSM nature and a legitimate genre to put it under. SSC may be a guideline for many but, strictly speaking, BDSM does not hinge on consent.

The comment was not about whether it was BDSM or not it was regarding that this is beginning as a non con piece. And yes it should not be in BDSM because the girl/woman is kidnapped! Is being forced to remove herself as a person and become an object/pet named Velvet. Even rap fantasies are cleared through comments and emotions that the victim is understanding that this a safe scene. This is not SSC or RACK. This is forced. It should not be here.

And, if in the last chapter it turns out that this was all negotiated, suddenly it becomes an elaborate scene. Fact is, you have no idea where this story is going or what is happening. Honestly, even if it's not consensual in the end I'll respect that the author felt it was BDSM. Not every piece of BDSM fiction needs to implement RACK or SSC... hence the fiction.

That's the question. Whether it is nobler to shut thyself off from a spiraling debate in the comments or take arms against a sea of opinion and end them.

Yes, it might have a fetish slant and not espouse the ideas of safe-words, limits and RACK, but it is a fantasy at the end of the day and should be treated as such. I, for one, really liked the descriptions and dialogue alongside the delicious tease of the plot.

Keep it up.

You recommended this in your bio so I thought I'd give it a go. Even though this is not my usual fare I was intrigued by the subject matter. The writing in this is story weaker than in your later work, I've only read Derelict 0006, so maybe you've just gotten better over time. I can't really put words to my thoughts but your descriptions were a little flat. For me, something is missing. I do think Elizabeth is an interesting character and I want to see how her control over Velvet develops. I hope you will be adding others to Elizabeth's stable as the story progresses. I really wish I could be more constructive in my critique but I'm not a writer just a fan. So on to Part 02.

A horse of the type to which you refer is called a "paint" and not a "painted."

" a chestnut gelding "

Not sure how she knew he was a gelding, with only his head and neck showing.

All numbers under 100 must be written out. You really should know this.

"Shoulder blades" - two words.

""Your stall reaks." - "reeks."

"Velvet found a brief moment of relief when she remembered she'd just painted her nails a deep shade of purple" She's been drugged, kidnapped and abused and the color of her toenails is a major concern? Call me stupid but I don't get it.

And... I'm out. This is too fucked up for me.

A) my horse familiarity is tangential at best. I'd be surprised if Paint vs Painted was the only thing I got wrong.

B) the story is written in third person. Infornation in the narrative is not restricted to only the things Elizabeth knows.

C) The writing of numbers vs numerals is a personal preference. I prefer to use numerals over 10 unless there are multiple numbers in a single section (the two of us ran a hundred and fifty yards side by side), but thank you for your input!

D) I'm not a real doctor. I just play one on TV. I'd be surprised if Shoulderblade vs Shoulder blade is the only thing I got wrong.

E) My spellcheck didn't catch 'reaks'. Of course, that word also doesn't appear for four more chapters, so I feel like I'm probably doing ok in terms of basic writing mistakes.

F) Taken out of context, Velvet remembering that she had painted her nails might seem odd, until tou read the rest of the sentence where Velvet has even greater panic when she finds herself trying to please her captor.

Thank you for taking time out of your day, and i hope to see you in your dreams.

I have, over the years, collected a lot of art (for this story and others). Be sure to check http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1496319 to see these characters and more!

It’s very interesting. The character development is great. It’s also realistic on a level you don’t often fine. I’m looking forward to the next chapter.