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Click here"Forget about trying to track down your Dad. Always in a meeting, or flying of to anywhere but home. And there you were." She patiently stroked the kinks from Velvet's hair. "Gentle and beautiful, but... sad. Afraid. How could I not want to take you away? To make you safe?" She paused, working through a particularly stubborn .
"You would have these moments out there, when you were riding, when you left it all behind. Just moments. You would get this smile, and... and as soon as you would hop down, I could watch it all catch up to you. Like a shadow crossing your face." Another brief pause. The rhythmic brushing motion was soothing. "So... here we are. I know there's going to be some growing pains, but I am patient, and that life is behind you now."
In all three mirrors, it was still a sad little girl who stared back at her. The woman behind the girl, however... the woman who dominated the girl, was smiling. She held up a ridge of the girls hair, inspecting it from multiple angles, and then let it fall. "Oh yes," she murmured under her breath, but when she continued, it was at normal volume. "Stand up." Ms. Winters took her by the shoulder and ushered her toward the heavy wooden door. She waited while the door swung open, and when the taller woman pointed, she took a few tentative steps into the darkened room beyond. "You're going to like this."
Velvet moaned and nearly collapsed when the lights flicked on a moment later. She was in a long room, and in the space before her were four horse stalls. Spacious, sturdily constructed of a wonderful smelling pine. Rebar in the windows to reduce cribbing. In another life, she thought morbidly, I would have killed for this.
Ms. Winters walked straight ahead, to the second stall, and slid open the door. "In," she said brusquely.
Velvet padded across the concrete to the threshold and looked around. Fresh sawdust covered nearly all of the floor, except for a pile of hay in one corner. "Where do..." She opened her mouth again and shut it, struggling to figure out how to phrase a question. "Where... will... Velvet? Sleep?"
Her effort was rewarded with a smile, and fingernails run gently through her hair. "There's a blanket on the wall, but it gets cool down here. You'll want to sleep on the hay. You might be a little itchy in the morning, but you'll get used to it." She shook her head and tried to take a step back but the fingers in her hair quickly tightened, and Velvet found herself being thrown forward with a strangled cry. Her foot caught on the frame, and she tumbled down into the sawdust. The door slammed shut behind her before she'd recovered, and she stood up just in time to see Ms. Winters standing next to the heavy wooden door with her hand on the light switch. "See you in the morning."
- COMMENTS
Scarelttover 3 years agoIt’s very interesting. The character development is great. It’s also realistic on a level you don’t often fine. I’m looking forward to the next chapter.
AwkwardMDalmost 5 years agoAuthorI have, over the years, collected a lot of art (for this story and others). Be sure to check http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1496319 to see these characters and more!
AwkwardMDalmost 7 years agoAuthorA) my horse familiarity is tangential at best. I'd be surprised if Paint vs Painted was the only thing I got wrong.
B) the story is written in third person. Infornation in the narrative is not restricted to only the things Elizabeth knows.
C) The writing of numbers vs numerals is a personal preference. I prefer to use numerals over 10 unless there are multiple numbers in a single section (the two of us ran a hundred and fifty yards side by side), but thank you for your input!
D) I'm not a real doctor. I just play one on TV. I'd be surprised if Shoulderblade vs Shoulder blade is the only thing I got wrong.
E) My spellcheck didn't catch 'reaks'. Of course, that word also doesn't appear for four more chapters, so I feel like I'm probably doing ok in terms of basic writing mistakes.
F) Taken out of context, Velvet remembering that she had painted her nails might seem odd, until tou read the rest of the sentence where Velvet has even greater panic when she finds herself trying to please her captor.
Thank you for taking time out of your day, and i hope to see you in your dreams.
Anonymousalmost 7 years agoA horse of the type to which you refer is called a "paint" and not a "painted."
" a chestnut gelding "
Not sure how she knew he was a gelding, with only his head and neck showing.
All numbers under 100 must be written out. You really should know this.
"Shoulder blades" - two words.
""Your stall reaks." - "reeks."
"Velvet found a brief moment of relief when she remembered she'd just painted her nails a deep shade of purple" She's been drugged, kidnapped and abused and the color of her toenails is a major concern? Call me stupid but I don't get it.
And... I'm out. This is too fucked up for me.
coyote_runningover 8 years agoYou recommended this in your bio so I thought I'd give it a go. Even though this is not my usual fare I was intrigued by the subject matter. The writing in this is story weaker than in your later work, I've only read Derelict 0006, so maybe you've just gotten better over time. I can't really put words to my thoughts but your descriptions were a little flat. For me, something is missing. I do think Elizabeth is an interesting character and I want to see how her control over Velvet develops. I hope you will be adding others to Elizabeth's stable as the story progresses. I really wish I could be more constructive in my critique but I'm not a writer just a fan. So on to Part 02.
