All Comments on 'DarkFyre Ch. 23'

I can't help feeling that you have lost the thread of your story and have posted yet another chapter of fluff to keep faith. So many paragraphs of flowery descriptive prose that do not advance the story at all. e.g. in the first paragraph "The wind whistled a plaintive lament" then later on "the wind's voice, shrieking whistle-whisper ". Well which is it, a lament, a whisper, a whistle or a shriek ?

In fact you took three pages to tell us that Rael was hurt and then heals himself, all of which just repeats what has happend in previous chapters.

I would rather you held off posting till you have something of real content to post.

I can see where you were going with this. With Rael badly wounded (AGAIN), he had to go through the Mending (AGAIN). ;) But, I liked this chapter, and I guess they're going to get in a lot more scrapes with Assassins before they get to their journeys end. All in all, nicely done. :)

I really enjoyed your use of metaphors to describe Sil's feelings of uncertainty, fear and loneliness. Well done!

Just wondering if you've stopped writing this story completely?

You have quite the spectacular story going on here. So much so it has kept me entirely enthralled these last couple days I've been reading it, and I do have a good many standards a story must meet to be considered worth my time to continue reading past the first page.....let alone the current 23 chapters/parts that it contains. You must not stop with it now. You have developed your characters well and even gone to the lengths of developing the minor characters enough that they aren't so flat. You take time to give descriptions of the characters' thoughts and feelings well enough that the readers feel they know these characters and they aren't just watching some random strangers off the street. You have the knack for storytelling that much is thoroughly obvious and to stop now would be a crime most foul. Not so much a crime just because you would be leaving your readers wanting in a way no reader should be, but also because talent like yours shouldn't be wasted by just giving up on a story. Don't get me wrong here, for I am not saying you have left us all here with a tale you don't intend on finishing. No, not at all. Rather, I am saying here, in my somewhat roundabout and erratic way, to continue on with such a marvelous story and that a great many people here are hungry, ravenous even, for the rest of this epic tale to come out.

I think this writer isn't finishing the story because he realizes that what he wrote does not make sense. MC goes on a quest to find who wants to kill him and can use dark magic. Remember an attempt on MC's life drives him away from the front lines in a war back to his home where he meets cat lady. Things happen. He takes catlady with him on the quest to some city halfway around the world. On the way to the magical city he finds out a god wants him dead for sleeping with the catlady and he sent soul less mercenaries to kill him. HUGE PROBLEM. How do you write through a paradox of an entity wanting to kill you BEFORE you did anything to piss that entity off? Difficult eh? IMO catlady being the reason MC's life is in danger is so much weaker than the fact that the guy has some weird power that keeps him from dieing; remember, the magic arrow used in the first attempt on the MC's life looked like it was made to defeat the MC's special ability. Specially when the attempt to kill the MC came BEFORE he ever knew catlady existed. At the point in the story where it cut off there's now no reason to go to emerald city. The only way to salvage this story is for the evil monk/innkeeper to be wrong on the reason the tricky god wants the MC to be dead.

I do wish you would bring this story to a conclusion

Please come back and give us a conclusion. Your writing is a gift and this slave humbly begs for more.

Please finish the story!!!!!

As is typical with most stories on here

What happened to this? Please continue!

Fucking unfinished stories.

Now I have to go back to the first chapters and put a warning. Oh and the first chapter was repeated twice.

Waste of time.

23 chapters and not finished. I keep telling myself to check the last chapter to make sure it is finished, but I never do. Good story too.