Darla's Dilemma

I work 24-hours on and 48-hours off at the fire department. It usually wasn't so bad and I have a fairly generous amount of paid time off because of the number of hours I am at work in any given year. It took Darla and the kids a while to get used to my schedule, mostly because I think Darla was afraid that maybe I wasn't going to come home. She got pretty used to that because Randy would apparently go away for days at a time on some week-long bender and then show up drunk on her doorstep. He'd sober up in a day, beg for forgiveness and then repeat the process ad nauseum. Why Darla never left him for good was beyond me.

They also had more than their fair share of fights, too. What started out initially as loud disagreements eventually devolved into yelling, screaming, broken dishes and, finally, with Randy slapping and backhanding Darla across the face. Finally, she had enough and moved out of their apartment, taking the kids with her to her parents' place. Randy took off for parts unknown up in North Dakota, supposedly getting hired on one of the oil reserves.

My 24-hour shift was pretty steady but not overwhelming. It was pretty routine for a Thursday in spring. We only had twelve EMS runs the whole shift and no fire calls. I got back home Friday morning a little after eight o'clock and started my usual routine. But, again, I caught the faintest whiff of cigarettes. As before, none of the bedrooms or downstairs rooms looked out of order.

I stepped out on the back deck again and immediately looked through the spaces in the deck. I couldn't see any cigarette butts laying on the ground underneath the deck. I was about to go back in the house but something in my head demanded a closer look. I went down the steps and got underneath the deck. What I was looking for stood out immediately. The ground underneath the deck was perpetually moist from lack of sunlight and the decaying ground frost from warming temperatures. I could see in the ground my obvious footprints from having been underneath the deck two days ago when I first saw the cigarette butts. But today I saw a fresh set of footprints from shoes I knew I didn't own. They were too small to be my prints and they were too big to be Darla's or the kids'. Someone had been smoking on my back deck. Only this time, they were smart enough to pick up their butts.

I walked back in the house, absolutely furious. Someone had obviously been there. Both Darla and I are religious about locking the house when we're gone, which could only mean that whoever had stopped by had obviously been invited in.

I went ahead and grabbed a shower, stewing about my dilemma the whole time. Who the hell was coming by while I was gone? And why wasn't Darla telling me about it? Just then, I heard my doorbell ring. I jumped out of the shower, threw a towel around me and put on a bathrobe.

Just as I exited the bathroom I heard the front door open as someone let themselves in. "Hello? Daulton? It's me, Danny." It was my best friend and Mason County Sheriff's Deputy Danny Larson.

"Yeah, up here," I answered. "I just got out of the shower."

"Oh, shit. Sorry to bother you, bro," he said, embarrassed.

"No biggie. Just let me finish drying off, throw on some clothes and I'll be right out."

Danny waited in my living room while I finished toweling off and throwing on a set of clothes. As soon as I was dressed, I headed to the living room where I saw Danny sitting in one of my recliners and sipping on a Coke that he had helped himself to from the fridge.

"What's up, bro?" I asked.

"Not a lot, man. I just wanted to come by and talk to you about something," Danny said.

"Gee. Sounds deep, dude."

"It is, Danny. And I'm afraid you won't like it and probably won't really like me for telling you."

I felt acid washing over my stomach at his words. "Go on, Danny."

"Well, Daulton, this isn't easy for me to say. But somebody has been coming by your house while you're at work. My beat covers Royal Fork, you know, and I patrol the whole town about two hours out of every shift. I swung by your house a few weeks ago and saw an old 1980s style Chevy pickup in your drive. I've seen it here several times since then. You drive a Taurus and Darla drives an Escape, so I know it isn't yours."

"Did you run the plates?"

"I really shouldn't have, since I can technically get in trouble for tagging random people," he said, hesitantly. Tagging is a term used by some law enforcement officers when they call in a license plate. "But yeah," he continued, "I ran the plate of the truck. It's registered to Darla's ex."

I swallowed hard but, other than that, I showed no reaction. "Okay," I said.

Danny was confused. "Okay? Is that it?"

"I dunno. What else do you want me to say?"

"I figured you'd have more of a reaction than that, Daulton. Unless," he said carefully, "you already knew."

I went to the kitchen and grabbed a Coke for myself and returned to the living room, flopping down on my sofa across from Danny. "I didn't know it was Randy Jones. But the last few days I have suspected that somebody has been around. I finished a 24-hour shift at Eagle Star a few days ago and when I got home the next morning I was pretty sure I could smell cigarette smoke in the house. I looked all over the house, nothing seemed out of place. But when I went out on the deck, I found a handful of cigarette butts underneath the deck."

"You sure it wasn't the water or electric meter reader?"

"Pretty sure it wasn't," I said. "I don't know if either of those guys are smokers. But even if they are, I doubt that either one of them is hanging out underneath my deck and having a smoke - especially four of them."

"Fair enough," Danny acknowledged.

"Anyway, I had a day off and then worked my regular shift at the fire department yesterday. When I got home this morning, I could smell smoke again. I went outside and looked under the deck and saw footprints. Guessing somebody was smoking on my deck again and went underneath to pick up after himself."

"That's odd. How would they have known?"

"Because," I explained, "I'm a moron. I brought it up with Darla the other night after she got home from work. She tried a gazillion different explanations of who it could have been and she wasn't even remotely convincing. Then, after we went to bed, she completely shut down on me. In the entire time we've been together she has never cut me off from sex. Plus, she laid there in bed pretending to be asleep and I know she was awake for hours."

We were both silent for a few moments. "What do you think you'll do?" Danny asked.

"I'm gonna fucking get to the bottom of this. If Randy is sniffing around Darla again, it is going to fucking stop and stop NOW!"

"Think he is just coming around to see the kids?" he asked.

"Possibly," I admitted. "But why now? Why after all these months? In the entire time Darla and I have been together Randy hasn't asked to see the kids even one time."

"I see your point," Danny said. "Like I said, what do you think you'll do?"

"The only thing I can do, Danny. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. I'm gonna confront her again tonight and let her know what you told me, too. Once she hears I know Randy has been stopping by the house, she'll have no choice but to come clean."

Danny shook his head sympathetically. "I don't envy your situation, Daulton. And no matter what I've said before, I genuinely like Darla and I really hoped the two of you would work out okay."

"I know, Danny. And I know you're not an 'I-told-you-so' kind of guy. I appreciate that."

Danny downed the rest of his Coke, got up and we firmly shook hands. "I'm really sorry, Daulton. I mean it when I say that I hope this isn't something serious."

"I know, man. Thanks for coming by and for letting me know."

I watched Danny get into his squad car and leave and a fresh round of acid rinsed over my stomach as I thought about the coming confrontation with Darla. I ran a few errands around town and picked up a new garden hose at Delmar's Hardware. When I got back it was late afternoon and Darla and the kids would be home soon.

I browned some hamburger and whipped up some spaghetti for supper, which Darla and the kids loved. Natalie and Nathan both wolfed it down and I couldn't help but crack up watching little Nathan slurp up his noodles one at a time. Darla wanted to try and help clean up afterwards but I told her, "Don't worry about it. I've got it. Just go and wind down a little bit and relax with the kids. I'll come find you in a bit and then you and I are going to have a talk."

Darla froze in place. "What do you wanna talk about?"

"We'll get to that," I said, scrubbing a pan. "Just go and relax with the kids. I'll be done here in about 20 minutes." She turned, very apprehensively, and left the kitchen.

I found her in the downstairs family room watching the kids play Nintendo. I stood there watching them for a few minutes, too. Darla was holding Nathan on her lap while he and Natalie were playing Mario Kart 8. Finally, I said, "Wanna come upstairs and talk for a bit?"

Darla looked uneasy and worried as she set Nathan on the sofa. "Go ahead and play with sissy, okay? Mommy and Daulton are gonna go upstairs and talk about some stuff."

Both Natalie and Nathan were too engrossed in the game to even respond. Darla followed me up the stairs and into the kitchen, which generally put us out of earshot of the kids down below. We both took a seat at the kitchen table and I had put on a pot of coffee, which I probably shouldn't have this late at night. But the next day was a Saturday and neither Darla nor I had to work, anyway.

I looked at her for a couple of moments before speaking. Fear and anxiety were starting to build up and I got a fresh round of butterflies in my stomach. There was only one way to approach this and that was directly.

"I wanna know who has been coming by here while I've been at work," I said.

Her hesitation was a dead giveaway but she lied anyway. "What are you talking about, Daulton?"

"Just be honest with me, okay? I'm trying to have an open and honest conversation and it doesn't work with just one person participating. I want to know who has been coming by here on the days I have been working. I smelled the cigarette smoke again when I got home this morning and I saw footprints under the deck. So, whoever was smoking on my deck again obviously picked up after himself this time."

"Daulton, I wouldn't invite anybody over here while you're gone," she said. Not exactly an admission but not a denial.

"Okay, so who has been inviting themselves over while I'm at work?"

"Why are you asking me this, Daulton? What are you trying to accuse me of?" She was getting visibly agitated and almost squirming in her seat.

"Why can't you just answer my question?"

"Because I feel like you don't trust me! I don't smoke, Daulton! I have no idea whose cigarettes those are! God! You're starting to sound like my ex-husband!"

I got up, walked over and sat down in the seat right next to her. Leaning in close I said, "That's funny you should mention your ex-husband."

"Why is that funny, Daulton?"

"It's funny, Darla, because my buddy Danny Larson stopped by the house this morning while you were at work. His patrol area covers Royal Fork and he spends quite a bit of his day patrolling through the town. And he has seen an old, tan Chevy pickup truck parked in my driveway several times. But it is only there on days when I happen to be at work. Danny works from 3pm to 11pm. Your shift at Callahan's runs from 7 to 3, which means that the only time Danny could see the truck is during a time when you will most likely be home."

Darla just sat there, getting more petrified and clenching her fists in fear.

"Furthermore," I went on, "I happen to know who the owner of that piece-of-shit Chevy is. Do you know who the rightful owner is?"

Darla just sat there, hung her head, and began crying.

"Yeah, I figured you did." I sat there and let her cry for a few minutes. Once she composed herself, I continued. "Do you wanna tell me how long you have been in touch with Randy?"

Darla got up and grabbed a tissue from the kitchen counter. She dabbed the tears from her eyes and wiped her nose and tried to get herself under control again.

"It started about three weeks ago," she said between sobs. "He came back to town and stopped by my parents' house and asked where I was. My dad wouldn't tell him where the kids and I were living but agreed to give Randy my phone number. The first couple of times he called me when I was working. He finally figured out that I work at Callahan's and ended up following me home. He just said he wanted to talk to me."

She wiped her nose again and continued. "Randy said that he got a job up north with one of the oil companies as a rigger. They also paid for him to get treatment for his drinking and he's become involved in AA. He told me he's been sober now for almost five months. I wasn't sure what to think at first. But I can tell he's completely different. He's nicer, seems more determined to make things right. And he was absolutely incredible with the kids. He brought them presents and spent time with them and took them to the park."

"So, what's gonna happen?" I asked. "Does Randy want to have visitation and a relationship with Natalie and Nathan? Is that what this is about?"

"That's part of it, Daulton," she sniffed. "But he is also asking for me to give him another chance. Randy told me he still loves me and he's finally figured out how to be happy and not drink. He wants me and the kids to move back in with him and be a family again. The kids were so happy to see him and absolutely fell back in love with their father again. He's finally the man they've always needed him to be."

Now it was my turn to be completely uneasy and afraid. "So, like I said, what's gonna happen? Surely you can't be thinking of going back to him, are you? I mean, what about me? What about the time we've spent together?"

"I'm just really confused right now, Daulton."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Are...are you thinking of leaving me, Darla?"

"I don't know," she sobbed. "I'm not sure what to think right now. This wasn't supposed to be happening! I'm not supposed to be feeling this way about Randy!"

I didn't want to ask the next question. But I did. "Darla, have you been with Randy since he came back to see you? I mean, sexually?"

"Oh, Daulton! I'm so sorry!"

I slammed my fists down on the table and got up and walked back to my bedroom and just sat on the bed, my head in my hands. Darla followed me in and tried to hold me and comfort me but I suddenly couldn't bear her touch.

"Daulton, please! Just please try to understand! Randy should have done this before I filed for divorce! I wanted to move on! I really did! And I wanted it to be with you!"

"When?" I asked.

"When what?"

"When did you sleep with Randy? And furthermore, did you sleep with him here in my house? Did you disrespect the hell out of me and fuck him in my own goddamned house, Darla?"

She gasped in horror. "No! I swear to God no, Daulton! I would never do that! I'm so sorry it happened in the first place! I never meant for it to happen, I swear! It was just some old familiar feeling in me that got stirred up! Randy and I always had a volatile relationship. Sex was the only decent part of our marriage for the longest time, at least when he wasn't blind drunk. For some reason, he seemed so caring and so loving. I just fell for him when we were at his mother's place last weekend and I couldn't help myself. I'm so sorry, Daulton!"

"So that was it? Just one time that you and he had sex?"

"Yes," she admitted. "But it was different. For the first time in a long time, he was so tender. He was so caring. It felt like we were making love instead of just screwing. I don't know how else to describe it."

I was struggling to hold back the tears. "So is that what you want? Another chance with Randy? You're going to throw away the last seven months of our relationship to go back to Randy? In spite of everything he did to you before?"

"I don't know, Daulton. I hadn't made a decision yet. He's still my kids' father. And he's so much different than he was before."

"Sure. People are different when they're not raging alcoholics, Darla. What the hell do you think is going to happen when he falls off the wagon again?"

"He promised he wouldn't do that. He promised to stay sober for me and the kids if we came back."

I burst out into hysterical laughing. Darla was suddenly angry.

"What the hell is so funny, Daulton? Laughing at me isn't going to help. And it sure as hell isn't going to help me decide whether I want to stay with you instead of Randy!"

That was the last straw. "You know what, Darla? It sounds to me like you already made your choice." I opened up the drawers on my dresser and started throwing some clothes in the duffel bag I use for work.

"What are you doing, Daulton?"

"What does it look like, Darla? I'm packing. I'm gonna call Danny and see if I can crash at his place tonight. That way I won't interrupt you as you're packing your stuff and the kids' stuff."

Darla suddenly got an 'Oh-Shit!' look on her face and suddenly realized that everything was starting to get real. "Daulton, please. Let's talk about this some more, okay?"

"What the hell else is there to talk about?" I asked, stuffing some pants into my bag. "Obviously, the relationship I thought I was building with you isn't strong enough to keep you from going back to Randy, or at least thinking about it."

"I never said I was leaving for sure, Daulton."

"No, you didn't, Darla. But that obviously didn't stop you from sleeping with your ex. And the funny thing is, you seem to have forgotten that Randy became your EX for a reason!"

"I told you, Daulton. Randy isn't like that anymore."

"Well, once you're out of the house, you can find out for yourself, Darla. A leopard doesn't change his damned spots that easily."

I grabbed my keys and headed downstairs to the garage. The shitty thing was I had to walk by the family rec room where Natalie and Nathan were still playing Nintendo. I stopped in my tracks and the full pain of Darla's betrayal hit me as I realized that I was not only kicking her out of my house, but also the kids. I had really become attached to them and was becoming the father figure they never had but always needed. I couldn't watch anymore and turned to head out into the garage.

"Daulton, please," Darla begged, following me. "Please! Let's just talk about this some more, okay?"

"Like I said, Darla. There's nothing more to talk about. You obviously don't love me or, at the very least, you don't love me enough to keep from straying and you obviously still have feelings for Randy. This is a completely unacceptable situation. You've had seven months to figure it out and you obviously still haven't. Apparently all of my friends and family were right. I never should have gotten involved with a woman who was still married. Well, I'll never make THAT mistake twice!"

I threw my duffel bag in the front passenger's seat and climbed in.

"Daulton! Please, I'm begging you! Come back in the house so we can talk about this some more!"

I gripped the steering wheel hard and took a few deep breaths. "I'm gonna go to Danny's place for the night. I'm too pissed off right now to talk about this rationally. My advice to you, Darla, is to take the rest of the night and figure out what the hell you want. I'll be back home tomorrow at noon. If you still want to be with me, we'll talk about it. If you decide you want to give Randy another shot, I'll expect you to be gone by the time I get home."