Darla's Dilemma

Darla stood there in the garage, sobbing as she watched me pull out and drive away. Immediately, I began to wonder if I was being irrational and too impulsive by doing what I was doing. Was I running away? Was I cutting my losses? Was I pushing Darla away? Or was I just being a fucking asshole? Maybe it was all of the above. Maybe it was none of the above. I just knew I had to get away to think.

I called Danny on his cell. He was still working and wouldn't be done with his shift until eleven. He said I was more than welcome to crash at his place and to just let myself in. Danny didn't press me for details. I just told him that I confronted Darla and everything went straight to hell in a hand basket. We both had keys to each other's houses so that was not an issue. Danny lives in a nice three bedroom ranch house on the southwest side of Royal Fork. I let myself in and took possession of his spare bedroom. The other spare bedroom he uses for a home office. His basement is fully finished, also, and has two large rooms. One of them is a TV lounge with a pool table. The other room in the basement Danny uses for his large N-gauge model railroad layout.

I used to think he was kind of a kid-at-heart for playing with trains at 30 years of age. But the more Danny told me about his model railroading, the more it intrigued me. I would come over to his place a lot and sit for hours watching him add more detail to the hills, trees, water features and miniature buildings and vehicles. It was almost as intoxicating as sitting and watching a fire. Maybe it was simply a miniature world that Danny could escape to - a small world where the cares and problems of the real one disappeared. As I stood there looking at his layout, I wished it was a real place I could go to so I could get away from my issues with Darla.

Danny got home around 11:15 pm. We stayed up until nearly three in the morning with me going on about my problems. More than a few beers were drunk and more than a few tears were shed. Danny just kept the Coors flowing the entire time and just listened. He would occasionally ask me a question to get me thinking but never made any comments that were judgmental. True, he was never a fan of me dating Darla in the beginning but that was only because she wasn't divorced from Randy yet.

I couldn't figure the whole situation out. What the hell could Randy-fucking-Jones have that I don't? For the first time in their lives I was able to provide a comfortable, safe and loving home for Darla and the kids. They never had to worry about where their next meal was coming from, whether they would have clothes to wear or if the electricity was going to stay on. Randy Jones had never held a steady job for more than six months at a time without being laid off or fired. He never graduated high school but dropped out and never even got a G.E.D.

I couldn't figure out what the hell Darla ever saw in him to begin with, let alone whatever possessed her to marry him. She didn't get pregnant with Natalie until they had been married almost two years. But Randy refused to allow her to work, never let them get involved in any social activities, wouldn't even allow Darla to attend church with her parents. He didn't want her to be exposed to anyone or anything that might get her to see through all of his bullshit.

So what in the hell could it be that would cause Darla to gravitate back to him? Just because Randy was finally sober? How the hell long could that last? Was his sobriety just a ploy to try to get her and the kids to come home? To be back under his thumb again? To be back under his total control again? Was that really the only kind of life Darla had ever known with Randy? The only kind of love she had ever gotten from him?

None of this made any sense to me and it made even less sense the more beer I got in me. I finally crashed on the spare bed around 3:00 in the morning. By the time I woke up, the alarm clock by the bed read 11:20. I sprang up from the bed and immediately threw on my pants and socks, grabbed my stuff and made a beeline towards Danny's front door.

Danny, who had been up for several hours already, was sitting on his living room sofa reading the Red River Falls paper.

"Where the hell you goin', bro?" he asked.

"I gotta get home. I wanna talk to Darla one last time before she goes, in case she decided to leave.

Danny gave me a look that was somehow both sympathetic and disapproving at the same time.

"Alright, man. Good luck. Let me know if you need anything."

"I will," I said as I raced towards my Taurus. Suddenly, I realized that I had made a mistake by not staying and talking to Darla. I realized how much I loved her and the kids and I didn't want them to leave - at least not without talking things out.

As I pulled around the corner to the street in front of my house my heart sank into my stomach. There was Randy's shitty, rusty old Chevy parked in my driveway. There was another vehicle there, in equally bad condition, which must have belonged to Randy's mother. Darla, Randy and his mother were all loading their stuff into the back of Randy's pickup truck.

I parked my car along the curb and got out. I just stood there watching them for a few minutes before Darla realized I was there. All of them stopped what they were doing and just stared at me for a few moments.

Finally, Donna said to Randy, "Give us a few minutes, will you?"

Randy set the box he was carrying down in the back of the truck. Darla walked over to me. We were generally out of earshot of everyone as long as we didn't shout.

"Daulton, I - " she started.

"Don't," I said. "Don't go. Stay for a while and let's talk this out, okay?"

"Daulton, we're almost finished loading."

"Who cares? It's just stuff. The only things I care about in that house are you and the kids. I gotta believe, Darla, that there was a reason you left Randy. There's a reason you ended up here with me. I just don't want you to make a mistake by running back to Randy."

"I'm not running, Daulton. You were right last night. I still have feelings for Randy. And it isn't fair to you to be with you while my heart and my thoughts are with Randy."

I stood there, head down, tears streaming down my cheeks.

"There's a reason you left Randy, Darla. You know it and I know it. After everything else you went through with him before can you really say that you would be happier with him than you are with me? I've given you a home here, Darla. A decent car to drive. Clothes, beds and toys for the kids. You guys never have to worry about where your next meal is coming from. Do you really think that Randy can provide all that? Do you really wanna go back to living in an apartment again...with all of you crammed in there like sardines?"

"A home is more than just a house, Daulton. A life is more than just stuff and material things."

"I understand that, Darla. But you still need a good roof over your heads, clothes on your backs and food on the table, too."

"You were really amazing to us, Daulton, while were here. I'm sorry."

I looked away in frustration. I didn't want to be seen crying in front of Randy Jones but it was getting harder and harder to control my emotions by the minute.

"Why couldn't you have been honest with me from the beginning, then? Why sneak around on me? Why cheat on me with your soon-to-be-ex-husband?"

"I don't know, Daulton," Darla said, exasperated. "I guess maybe part of it was because of the fact that Randy and I are still technically married. I suppose part of me felt like I was cheating on Randy with you instead of the other way around."

"What about the kids? Do you really think Randy is going to step up to the plate and turn in to 'father-of-the-year' material?"

"I can't make any promises, Daulton. But he really seems to have changed. He finally seems like the man I always hoped he would become."

I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer and neither could she.

"Please stay," I whispered, trying to hug her. "I know in my heart this is where you belong."

"I belong with my family, Daulton," she sobbed.

"Is it because of how I reacted last night? If it is, then I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. But can't you and the kids just stay so we can talk it over?"

"There's nothing left to talk about. I'm so sorry, Daulton." And she pulled away from me and headed back to Randy's truck. Randy just stood there looking at us with sort of a concerned but smirking look on his face.

"Darla, wait a second," I said. Darla and Randy stood by his truck. The kids were already piled in to the car belonging to the woman I assumed was Randy's mother, Beulah.

I went in the house and quickly disconnected the Nintendo game system and piled all of the games, console and controllers into a box we had by the TV to keep them organized. It only took a couple of minutes. When I came back to the front door, Randy was waiting there for me. I was struck by the urge to punch him right in the throat. It wouldn't have taken much. I'm 6'-1" and Randy was maybe 5'-6" or 5'-7".

"Here," I said, handing him the box. "Take these for the kids."

Randy looked the box over. "Sweet! I'm gonna have fun with this! Hey kids," he hollered, turning and walking back towards his truck. "Look what Daddy brought out for ya!"

It was a punch in the gut as I heard Natalie and Nathan shriek and giggle with delight as they realized their games were coming with them. Darla quickly piled the kids into the back seat of Beulah's car and then gave me one last backward glance before climbing into Randy's truck.

"Darla?" She got back out for a second. I threw her the keys to the Escape. "You might as well take the car. I'll call the bank Monday and have my name taken off the loan."

She said nothing, just walked to the garage and backed her vehicle out. Before she got to the road I stopped her. She rolled down the window as I approached.

"Darla, there's one thing you need to know. If you leave here today, that's it. There won't be a second chance. I'm not going to be anybody's backup and I'm not going to be anybody's Plan B. I deserve better than that."

Darla didn't know what to say other than, "I'm so sorry, Daulton." Then she backed out into the street and I could see the tears streaking down her face. I couldn't understand how a woman could be so sad and emotional as she is ripping your heart out of your chest. In a way, it almost would have been easier if she was being a complete bitch about it.

I stood at the front of my house like a statue watching them pull away until they got to the end of the street before they turned left. I was on auto pilot as I trudged up the stairs back to my living room. The silence was deafening as a once-active house was now as quiet as a churchyard cemetery.

I picked up my cell phone and dialed. A few seconds later, Danny answered.

"Hey. It's me," I said.

"What's up, bro?"

"They're gone, Danny. They just left with Randy a couple minutes ago."

Silence. "Aw, shit, Daulton. I'm so fucking sorry. Hey, I'm not working today. I'll be over in a few minutes, okay?"

"Yeah, that's cool," I replied, monotone.

Sure enough, about ten minutes later Danny showed up at my door. We spent the rest of the day doing what guys have always done when they get dumped - drowning our sorrows. Danny didn't have to work that day and I decided I would call in sick the next morning, which I was pretty sure I would be with all the beer Danny and I were drinking.

Danny ended up crashing at my place that night and hung out with me for a good chunk of the next day, too. He didn't try to offer me a bunch of advice; he just listened and let me get everything off my chest and out of my system.

The worst part, besides crawling into my bed alone at night, was walking by Natalie and Nathan's rooms and seeing them empty - only their little beds remained. I had gotten so attached to them. I'm only a little over 31 years old and have plenty of time yet to start a family. But I couldn't help but come to feel like Natalie and Nathan were mine, too. It was worse than just losing a girlfriend. Instead of one person, I had lost three. The pain was triple that of a typical breakup.

I did my best to try and move forward over the next few weeks. It helped when I could try and focus on anything but Darla and the kids. I also did my best to try and avoid being around people we knew who might want to try and voluntarily tell me about Darla and the kids. The way to accomplish that was not to answer any Royal Fork Rescue calls, so I took myself off the schedule for a couple of weeks.

There are several of us from the Red River Falls Fire Department who live in Royal Fork. All but one of us are also members of the Royal Fork Volunteer Fire and Rescue Department. Several of Darla's friends happened to be volunteers on the department who ran with me on the Rescue Squad, which is what we called our volunteer ambulance service in Royal Fork.

About three weeks had passed and Danny, being the good friend, decided I needed a night out of the house and an opportunity to quit moping. So we put on our boots and headed down to the Half-Pint. It was Saturday, which is always Line Dancing night at the Half-Pint, so the place would be busier than hell. It also meant that the place would be crawling with women, many of whom would be single.

Danny and I sat at the bar swigging on a couple of beers. I realized a long time ago that I would never get invited to be on "Dancing With The Stars". Unlike a lot of people, I needed a couple of beers in me before I had the courage to go out on the dance floor. The Half-Pint was about as typical of a modern day version of the Old West saloon as you could get. In fact, it was exactly that - an Old West saloon - with a few modern updates like electricity, running water and indoor toilets. The Half-Pint was one of the oldest operating bars in the country and was the oldest continuously operating watering hole in the upper Midwest. Even Frank and Jesse James were rumored to have wet their whistles in this bar sometime around 1880.

Danny and I had met up with a couple of our female friends that we knew locally. Meg and Diana were both volunteers on the local Rescue squad, which is how we all knew each other. We had a good time just hanging out with them. Met and Diana were on a 'girl date', as they called it. Neither of their husbands enjoyed line dancing and didn't come to the bar tonight. I had absolutely no interest in either of them and would never hook up with one of them, regardless. I was friends with both Meg and Diana's husbands, who were also local volunteer firemen.

The entire bar poured onto the dance floor around eleven o'clock Brooks and Dunn's song "Boot Scootin' Boogie", which is always the highlight of Line Dancing Night at the Half-Pint. Meg and Diana joined us and we all had a blast, even though neither Danny nor I could brag about our dancing skills. For some reason, women just seem to be more natural and uninhibited on the dance floor for some reason.

We were all walking back to our table when I saw her and stopped dead in my tracks. It had been three weeks since she had left and I hadn't seen her. But there was Darla sitting in a corner booth with Randy. They looked like they were with a group of friends. To his credit, Randy appeared to be nursing a soda while Darla did the same. I was almost disappointed. I guess I wanted to be able to say "I told you so", even though I still wanted her to be happy. I couldn't turn away from her fast enough before she looked up at me. She said something to Randy, who begrudgingly nodded and then she got up and left her seat. I fail to understand why women feel the need to do this but Darla walked over to our table. Immediately Danny, Meg and Diana realized they were in the middle of an uncomfortable situation.

"Hey, Daulton," she said. She then said hello to everyone else who all politely said hello back. I however, pretended to be too busy sipping my beer. "Um, Daulton? Do you have a couple of minutes so we can talk?"

I looked around at my friends, who all looked like they were embarrassed for me. I knew this had to be equally as uncomfortable for them as everyone in town was probably aware by now that Darla had left me. So I simply got up and led the way outside, which was the customary thing to do if one knew they were probably about to get into an argument. Or a fight. Pretty sure it was going to be one or the other. We got outside and rounded the corner and stopped in front of the next door business, which was a State Farm insurance office.

"Well, you wanted to talk to me," I said, curtly. "What's up?"

Darla was obviously taken aback by my abrupt manner. "Uh, well, I just wanted to see how you were doing."

"I'm fine." She stood there expecting more.

"Just fine?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm fine, Danny's fine, Meg's fine. Diana's fine. We're all fine. Everybody's fine."

"Aren't you going to ask how the kids and I are doing?"

"Do you want to tell me how the kids are doing?"

"Well," she started, obviously regretting initiating the conversation, "I just thought you would like to know that the kids are good. But I thought you might like to know that they miss you, too."

I said nothing, just biding my time until Darla decided that she wanted to end the conversation so we could go back inside.

"Daulton, come on. Please don't be like that," she pleaded.

"Be like what, exactly?"

"Like this," she stated. "I still want us to be friends, Daulton. The kids still want you to be their friend, too."

"Gee," I chuckled. "Just a few months ago you were telling me how great of a father I could be to them. I think you told me that I was a natural at it and the kids could have a real dad for the first time in their lives."

"We were at a different place then, Daulton. I didn't expect things to turn out this way. But I have to give my kids a chance at being a real family - with the one they started with. Randy has changed so much. In fact, the kids and I all agree that he's become a lot like - "

She was smart enough to stop and not finish the sentence. But I finished it for her.

"Me? Is that what you were going to say, Darla? Randy is a lot like me? Let me correct a few things for you. I have never hit you. I have never swore at you and called you every name in the book. I have never threatened you. I have never been a dedicated alcoholic nor have I ever put my addiction in front of my family. I have never walked out on my family and abandoned them. So, please. Tell me again what it is that you think Randy Jones and I have so much in common."

Darla drew a deep breath and tried to stifle her tears. "I just meant that Randy has changed a lot, Daulton. I want you to be happy for us. I want you to be happy for Natalie and Nathan."

"I'm not happy for you, Darla. I think you left me and took yourself and the kids back into the lion's den. I think it is just a matter of time when Randy gets comfortable and decides that he can start sneaking a beer again, here and there. And pretty soon one beer will lead to another. And another. And another. Until, finally, his drinking will get out of control again and then you'll be in the exact same shit storm you and the kids were in when I first met you."

"No, no, no, Daulton. You're wrong. Randy has changed. He's not that same man anymore."

"You tell yourself whatever you want. But don't come up to me in public anymore, or anywhere else for that matter, and try to get me to be happy about the fact that you cheated on me with and then left me for a man who treated you and your entire family like complete cow shit! Quit trying to get me to feel good about eating a shit sandwich! Now, if you'll excuse me, my friends are waiting for me."