All Comments on 'Dave and Leroy Ch. 05'

This story is delightful and very well written!!! Hope you and your partner have enjoyed my city and Disney and that your birthday was fabulous!! You have given us joy with this story and we appreciate your writing skills and your sharing it!!

If you took out every reference to Dave being "the girl" or "the woman", this story would be way better. I cringe every time I read it. Being the bottom does not equate to being a woman in any way. Nor does crying or being emotional. It's 2015.

Its childish the way you keep referring to Dave as the girl or the woman, do you know anyone who is gay? I think they'd take offense. Also sentences like this:

"They told her what had happened and she told them she will get a hold of the doctor now and left out immediately"

You insist on saying OUT every time someone leaves, OUT is unnecessary. There's been sentences you have ended with "left out.", all that was needed is LEFT. There's too many weird words for me to mention, have you read this out loud to yourself? maybe then you'd pick up on the majority of errors.

You also have weird word choices, wrong words or words with letters left off the end.

The mother is a bigot, yet the family accept her, but then they (Dave and Leroy) are also bigots when they won't be around more feminine men who are gay.

every author i know deals with an attack at some time. Advice that deals with constructive criticism and even opinions like being offended by the 'woman in the relationship' comment should be okay. it's the way people do it sometimes that is wrong. i don't think it is fair to let the rest of your readers and yourself down by stopping writing. I think the story is very nice. I think an editor could help you clean it up a bit. Every good author has one. Publishers have a bevy of them on staff for a reason. But, overall, this is a nice story about life and life isn't perfect. I look forward to more and hope that something this serious would help the mother see what is important in life. after her behavior though, it would take me time to forgive. But, we don't know what we'd do until we're in the situation.

I hope you had a great birthday. I've never been to disney. maybe someday!

Who reads five chapters of a story you don't like. I appreciate new authors who have the guts to put their work out here for our enjoyment. If you don't like it then use the back button. I found you first from your other story. I look forward to reading your works and seeing you grow as an author. I hope you are able to find an editor soon or at least a beta reader. Keep it up don't let rude people keep you from something you enjoy. It is too easy for people to hide their identity and use the internet as a reason to be cruel to others makes you wonder how messed up they have to be tear someone else down. You have kept me entertained for this long keep it up and Happy belated Birthday. Hope you had a great holiday and now get back to writing, I need something to read.

First of all, I'm sorry, but i will say this just because I'm moderating one of the biggest websites in US for people who's always looking for something extra next to there SP, all the rude and negative comments, just let it go, the guys who keeps commenting under "anonymous", is as good as nothing. Your story line, is really good, and i love the perfect amount of drama in both character life, and again, I'm sorry, I'm in relationship for just 4 years (not like it matters), but i can see the the pattern in what you write about your characters and relate to my own life pattern, so when you say that the story is hitting more close to the home, when anyone is thinking, i just hope that this is not your own experience.

Again, love it, it's really good to read something like this relaxing after stupid day in the office! And just ignore the the anonymous idiots who is afraid to actually comment under really user names, it's not how you write it but what you write, granted, editor wouldn't hurt, but if you feel convertible about all this, keep doing this! XXX